2020 - Not All Hindsight

 

         Whew! It’s now 2021 and we can officially kick 2020 to the curb until the third week of the month where it will be picked up by our large trash pick-up crew, for whom I think we are all extremely grateful, given the large piles of stuff we want to put out there.  Yep, I’m speaking literally and figuratively now.

         So with 2020, well, in its own hindsight do we really need to throw out everything it brought to our charcuterie board? By the way, you young whippersnappers didn’t invent those cute little eaterie boards.  I’m pretty sure they were invented by The Swiss Colony store where we could get rootbeer candies from a huge barrel back in the day you could just stick your gloveless hands all willy-nilly like in barrels of sweets. Ew.

         This past year certainly brought on its share of difficulties and tragedies. No one can argue that! With unimaginable losses and heart-aches, it felt like the entire world was playing a game of blind-folded 52 card pick-up.  If you don’t know how to play 52 card pick-up, find someone who knows how and ask them to show you. It’s really fun! But I digress. This past year brought out things in all of us we didn’t remember or even realize we had. People were stressed, yes, and sadly we lost loved ones, and our mental well-being has declined. However, let’s take a minute to look at what the hellish 2020 did for us.

         Coasting along is pretty easy and even desired at times.  Like now, right? Most of us would LOVE a year where everything is ok.  Doesn’t have to be great as long as it isn’t terrible. But with 2020 shaking our metaphorical tree I think we came together in ways that we haven’t in years. People, strangers, were stepping up to help others with groceries and medications. Families grew closer because let’s face it, they had to! When I asked several students one positive thing they can say about having been quarantined, nearly all said they were able to spend more time with their families. Many of us rolled up our sleeves and figured out technology, like real quick! We as educators found ways to reach our students and families to build bridges that extend beyond the textbooks. We learned to appreciate simple things like taste and smell (ok, that was personal, but if you’ve had Covid and lost taste and smell, you know how much you miss those senses and are grateful when you get them back)! We really appreciate things like seeing friends, seeing faces, and seeing smiles when we are able.

          So, yes, 2020 was rough, sad, and we are glad to see it go.  But let us not forget that a year that began like most others, then toppled our apple cart, also shed light on the thread of hope shared by a world made stronger and more determined to live and love big, or get put out by the curb the third week of the month.

 

I'm sorry I'm late....

"I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't want to come." This was on a shirt of a little girl at school, and it cracked me up! In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I originally heard it on a Friends episode a long time ago. Laughing so hard because the truth comes out best in little kids' t-shirts. We can laugh at those while secretly nodding in agreement. The kids likely don't understand the strength of the statements they wear sometimes, but we sure get it. Case in point, one kiddo wore a shirt to school that read, "Will run for wine." Pretty sure that child just yanked a shirt out of someone's laundry, but we got it... and at that time of year, most of us would have.

Sometimes I read back through my blog. Perhaps I do this to reflect what was going on personally at that time, what prompted me to write. Maybe I need to see how I've grown since then, or question why I didn't catch grammatical errors. I'm pretty sure my big sister probably noticed and made mental notes of (like ending that sentence with "of"). In November 2015, I wrote a post regarding telling the truth; not so much to everyone else but being honest and vulnerable with yourself.

Reflecting on what I had written, while nearly 4 years had passed, much of the same feelings in that post remain. So many fears were unwarranted, as they so often are, right? My friend Elizabeth and I have been having so many talks lately. She has been experiencing change and growth in her life, and we talk about everything under the sun. One thing I love about Elizabeth is how she makes no bones about being vulnerable. She has grown so much lately by simply laying it all out there, her fears, her worries, her doubts, her hopes... how she realizes God has control and she doesn't. She never really has. WE never really have. Peace has washed over this woman in a way I wish it could EVERYONE. She has been honest and vulnerable. And it's hard. Very. But God can handle it.

In my previous post, I was worried about how I would do life when my oldest finished school and moved off. Well, guess what? He did. My daughter and I were okay. We found the coolest girl time. On Wednesday nights after her youth group, we each had our appointed couch, appointed blankies, and settled in to watch our recorded shows for the week. It may not sound like much, but when you have a teenage girl, this particular time that is YOURS and yours alone is like gold. There were many things we did where our hearts took pictures; proms, homecomings, walking the dogs together, shopping trips, Chick Fil A trips (a LOT), working in the yard, etc. Worried? WHY? And she and her brother were in contact daily, and he never let more than a few days go by without letting me know how he was doing.

But for more truth-telling (that wouldn't likely fit on a t-shirt and wouldn't be appropriate, nor apply to many folks anyway)...

My youngest graduated last May, and I'm genuinely an empty nester. I'm usually fine until someone says, "Wow! You're really an empty nester!" Then I start to think about it.
While the kids were growing up, their dad and I shared custody. They were always in school where I taught or in my feeder schools, so I really didn't go long at all without seeing them, and if they were "with me" they were with me. I rarely got a sitter or went out unless they were with their dad. Even with all the sports and events we had while they were growing up, I find that my quiet time is well earned and appreciated now, so being home on my back porch with a book, a magazine, or a friend to talk to is more relaxing than going out. Nevertheless, when people say, "Empty Nester" images of some scraggly looking bird sitting along in some aerial, waiting to be saved just comes to mind. Hopefully, that won't be me.

I'm a little afraid of what comes next. After going back to school a couple of years ago for admin. add- on, I decided to go back... again... when others are talking about retiring. It makes me think I've lost my mind. But I love learning. I do. The thought of NOT going back and learning and continuing on scares me.

I've had two rescue dogs for over 11 years now. One is very sick, and my heart has forgotten how much you can love your pets like they are your family. I want to cuddle her like a little football and hug her forever.... but it's Emmie, and she will have none of that.

This past year has shown how fleeting life is. My sister lost the man she loved abruptly on New Year's Eve, and shortly after, our step-sister died rather suddenly. It all seemed so very surreal, and to tell you the truth, I feel on edge like I'm in a corner watching everyone, checking how everyone is doing, physically, emotionally, etc. all the time. My guard is up. It scares me. A lot. While nothing could have been helped, I hate feeling helpless. Likewise, the kiddos we help at school go through so much it's nearly unbearable, and few, very few understand the position a counselor is in. There are days it feels as though I'm walking a tight rope.

And that is where I ended this post in September 2019. I don't remember exactly why I stopped there. 2019 was a rough year in many ways, and it seems 2020 is modeling itself after. The original title of this hasn't changed and looking at 2020, I kind of want to say, Sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come! But here I am, and here you are. This means the shenanigans that were going on were no barrier to the determination we have to muddle through. So while there are times we don't want to show up, we do. We show up. We keep going, growing, moving, and it gets better if we keep it real with each other.

My letter to Mary Abbott on Graduation

With my sweet baby girl's permission, here is my letter to her on her graduation day. Many points are the same as I gave her brother, many differ because they differ. Mary, you're my girl....

Dear Sweet Mary Abbott, May 21, 2019

Can you believe you graduate today? It’s true what they say (whoever they are), “The days are long and the years are short”. I don’t know where the years have gone.

You know the story of your name. It was picked before your dad and I ever met, then I found out it was his mom’s maiden name. You were destined to be in this world and never ever has that been a question.

“She’s cute and all, but where’s Max?” Those were Liam’s first words when he came into the hospital room right after you were born. We didn’t find out what either of you were, but I was sure you were a boy, until the night before I had you. Then I had this strange feeling. I remember exactly where I was in our home on Ambrose. I remember saying to myself, “I think it’s my girl.” And you were. And you always have been. And you always will be.

Girls and their mothers have strange relationships. I learned that the only way a mom can learn that; by raising one. The depth of love I have for you and complexity of having a mini-me to raise…. Well, you gave me a run for the money. While you would observe and learn from your brother, never were you a wallflower. You were always looking for ways to uplift, serve, and encourage others. Rare it must be for a mother to have two children she looks up to as much as I look up to you and your brother.

You’ve always been a “need to know” kid. We would have to let you know what was planned, where we were going, what to expect, etc. The funny thing is, life never really turns out the way we plan and I think you’ve probably seen that. While it seems you have so much in order and figured out, there are still things in this life that you need to remember. Like the letter I wrote your brother, you’ve heard so many things a million times, but I am your mother and I will, until my dying day, remind you of these things, because… You’re my girl…

Sweet Mary Abbott…

• Be aware of your surroundings when you are out in public
• Don’t look down at your phone while walking to your car, hold your head up and look people in the eyes (and have your keys between your fingers)
• Always let someone know where you’re going and when you’ll be back. And when you get back, let someone know
• Never ever go anywhere with someone you don’t know
• Never open your door to a stranger
• Never meet anyone in a place you are unfamiliar
• Remember you always have a home to come back to
• Drive slower than necessary. You’ll notice more
• Get to know people’s stories. Everyone has one
• Be kinder than you have to be. It matters
• Be kind to wait staff, check-out people, service people, and new moms
• Compliment people often but sincerely
• Laugh. A lot. You have such a cute one!
• Smile. A lot. You have a beautiful one! This world needs it
• Take care of your body. It’s the only one you get
• Never drink and drive and NEVER get in the car with a driver that has been drinking or doing drugs
• Do not excuse bad or abusive behavior... (including physical, verbal, or mental). Someone else’s issues do not need to become yours
• If anyone hits you once, they’ll do it again. Violence is never ok. Ever.
• Communication is everything. Don’t assume
• Remember it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it
• Be kind to kids. I know you already are :)
• Be kind to older people
• Call your mom… just because
• Call your mamaw… just because
• Call your dad and grandparents
• Keep your brother as your best friend. I love that you guys have each other.
• Never let anyone come between you and family. If someone loves you, they will want you to remain close to your family
• Likewise, love someone who has a close family and encourages your strong family relationships
• Take time to nurture friendships
• Take time to nurture yourself
• Spend quiet time in nature and appreciate how God works
• Never stop learning
• Try new foods sometimes. It won’t kill you. I promise
• Count your blessings. For real. Have prayers of thanks and gratitude and you’ll see how incredibly blessed you are
• Never go out in pajama bottoms
• Keep yourself groomed nicely. People notice. I promise
• Keep your home clean and tidy so you’re never embarrassed by anyone just stopping by
• Shower before bed. You’ll sleep better
• Pray before bed. You’ll sleep better
• Don’t be attached to digital devices. Take walks. Get fresh air
• Don’t be afraid of a little yard work or to garden. While you nurture Mother Nature, She’s actually nurturing you
• Show gratitude for the smallest things
• Keep blank cards, a pen, and tape in your car for the occasion you may need to leave someone a much needed kind note
• Keep back-up (eye) glasses in your car
• Keep a first aid kit in your car as well as jumper cables and emergency car things
• Know how to change a tire
• Sit up straight
• Use proper grammar
• When you meet someone, look them in the eye, shake their hand (nice firm handshake), and repeat their name. They’ll remember
• Answer the phone in an upbeat manner
• Get up, dress up, show up. Even on the days you don’t feel like it
• :Take a break if you need, but ”We don’t quit”
• Don’t skimp on shoes
• Chase God. Surround yourself with others who chase God
• Buy classic clothes. They’re always in style
• Wear pearls sometimes on a weekday
• Floss. Everyday. I mean it.
• Don’t worry so much about whether people like you. Do what God wants. The right people will love you. Always.
• Come home, please. Often
• Remember your beauty and worth. Never allow anyone to try to make you feel less than
• Remember how very loved you are

In this great big world there are so many who need you, Mary Abbott. I can’t wait to see how you set it on fire with your passion and love! While you will be many things to many others, remember, Sweet Mary Abbott… you will always, always be my girl.

I love you more than you will ever know,

Mom

For the Love of Numbers? or Children.

I don't know about you, but when I go to the doctor and they take my blood pressure, one could almost bet their bottom dollar it will be higher thank a kite. To my chagrin, and almost as though I'm lying, I utter the words to the nurse, "If you take it again in about 10 minutes it'll be lower." I'm pretty sure they believe me. Yeah. Right. But I do have what has been referred to as "White coat hypertension" meaning that my blood pressure will go up when I go to the doctor until I've been in the office for a little bit.

Know what else makes my blood pressure go up? You'll have to read my previous posts to get some ideas. HA. Seriously though. This isn't a post about doctors or blood pressure. It's a post that I've written about before. Numbers. Numbers are wonderful. They can tell us what we can afford, that our health is getting better, that we are making progress in certain areas. On the flip-side, numbers are just numbers. They can be misleading. Example: I have a digital thermometer that doesn't work properly. The last time I felt ill and took my temp with that little demon, I was pretty sure I was either headed toward hypothermia or on the verge of spontaneous combustion.

We hear things like, "Numbers don't lie" and "You're numbers are down (or up)" and it seems we all just accept these little digits like the gospel. And sure, there's a place for that. But as I previously wrote we are all so much more than numbers; on a scale, a bank account, a grade... a score.

Tomorrow 120+ 3rd grade students will walk into our building to take the state Scantron test. On Wednesday our 4th grade will partake of this festivity and on Thursday our 5th, the old salts of testing (bless 'em), will wrap up their elementary state testing forever and ever amen.

But tomorrow these students, the greenest of state test takers will walk in our school. Some will have knots in their tummies. Some will have butterflies. Some will be perfectly calm. Some students will have been up all night because someone was fighting, the cops were at their house, or they had to take care of their siblings. Some will walk in hungry. Some will come in thinking about that relative of theirs that was killed last week in a drug related incident, an automobile accident, or at the hands of someone who was supposed to love them. Some students will come in wondering who will be at home when they get there, if anybody. Yes, we really hear about these things. Then there are those who will have forgotten they are even taking any tests. I kind of feel I would have fallen in this category.

We have amazing teachers. They work so hard, are attentive to the whole child and let me know if a child seems "off" or "not himself" lately so I can check in on them. The standards are written on the boards and small groups are formed to challenge or support the students in these classes. No stones unturned. Or not many, anyway.

While we are all dotting those i's and crossing our t's, it's important to remember that these babies we love everyday.... the ones that walk through the doors everyday with the issues they have EVERYDAY, will come to us on test days with the same issues. I know. I bought a magic wand at Dollar General and while it's really cute, it hasn't really worked yet. We have to remember that while we work hard and push these students, some days, in the words of my former principal, "Don't you know the last thing on her mind is learning."

Don't misunderstand me, I don't believe in making excuses. I hate excuses! But y'all, please get to know your students and listen to their explanations. There is a HUGE difference in excuses and explanations. Please understand them, or try to. And for the love, just as you are more than a number on your scale, your bank account, your GRE, or your Praxis score, your students are more than a number on their Scantron. They are children....some of them with lives you could never comprehend. They are caretakers, problem-solvers, interpreters, chefs, babysitters, planners.... But for the love... they are children. They. Are. CHILDREN. CHILDREN.

So, dear friends, while holding ourselves and our littles accountable please remember why we do what we do. It is for the love. Not the love of numbers, but the love of children.

Thanking my educator friends for their tireless dedication,
Becky

Passions and Irks

A friend asked me not too long ago what I'm passionate about, and on the flip-side, what really gets under my skin. I promised Becky P. (she has an awesome name, doesn't she?) that I would get back to her. While she may think time has erased the questions, and perhaps she's forgotten even asking, seeds were planted. I think she knows that. For the last several months these two seemingly simple questions have been rolling around in my (sometimes seemingly simple) head.

Thinking that my passions and my gripes, so to speak, are likely the same as everyone else's kept me from answering too quickly. Not that I mind having a similar mindset as others. Nay nay dear friends. I think we all have the same surface passions; peace and kindness, justice and goodness, respect and happiness, chocolate with no calories. Likewise we may all agree that the things that pluck our nerves are disrespect, hatred, road rage, and only two out of ten check out lanes open at our local Wal-Mart.

Nevertheless, I took some time... a bit of time... like five months of time. I took some time to really reflect on things I'm passionate for and those things that really make me want to jab bamboo shoots under my fingernails (or someone else's). I took time, because my sweet friend said, "I really like getting to know people better" while we were talking. Sometimes allowing others to know us better means taking time know ourselves better. And that, my friends, is ok.

I have to segue here for a minute. This is almost as bad (but not quite) as when someone asks what your hobbies are. Anyone else out there have that blank space fill your brain when asked that question? It's like the worst "loser" feeling in the world. Not that you don't have hobbies, but while you're doing the things, no one says, "Hey! I'm really enjoying this hobby!" You just do the things and have fun. Hobbies? It sounds like you're filling out an online dating profile. And that's a story for another time. Ok, back to my original story.

Learning about ourselves can be a little bit scary. Recently at a conference I heard a speaker talk about how the hardest person we get to know is ourselves, and if we are all honest, it's very hard to look in the mirror and say we like what we see. With that being said, I will be completely honest here with you now. I'm passionate about helping students (and my own kids, who are about grown) be perfectly ok not being perfectly ok. I'm passionate about taking these damn masks off and saying, "No. I'm not alright right now, but I will be." I'm passionate about teaching people that it is entirely acceptable to ask for help if needed; whether it's supplies, clothes, food, or holding a door. I'm passionate about us all being fine with who we are, because who do we think we are that we don't need each other?? I'm passionate about teaching our younger generation that it takes work to see progress and the world owes us nothing; it was here first. I'm passionate about teaching others that our past is not our legacy, we choose to be a victim or victor, and while our childhood may have been less than picture perfect (hello, most are!) there is a time to move forward and grow up. Yes, sometimes that's really hard to do, but there are professionals who have the skill to help empower you to be the best you, you can be... find a licensed professional and ask for help. It's ok.
While we can't help our past, we can choose our future.

I'm passionate about having common sense and what seems to be an art of taking responsibility for our own actions. I'm passionate about caring for the lives we choose to bring into this world, as best we know how. I'm passionate about helping each other out here on this earth because, dear God, how His heart must break to see so many people, His children, refuse to do this. I'm passionate about having fun and being silly because everything you just read (if you're still with me) is pretty heavy and for the love we have to have some fun in this life! Lighten up! Goof off! We need to stop being so angry! Yes, there is a lot to be angry about in this world, but there is so much to love!

I thought there'd be no shortage of things that would make me want to scream until I lose my voice. For those of you who know me well, don't get too excited because y'all know that isn't going to happen! I've never had laryngitis and I never will! I could say one could just reverse the above and there, you'd have it. It's not that simple. I try to find the positive in most things, but there are times, even I, ever the optimist feel my stomach knot up. While I realize I'm guilty of this myself, judgmental people would have to be near the top. A nurse friend of mine said today that in nursing school they are taught they can't judge someone else's level of pain. Similarly, we can not judge someone else's level of need. When a child or family comes to me with a need, I don't judge that. We have no way of knowing what others are going through and as a friend said one time, "Most of us are one paycheck away from needing this help." It breaks my heart when my purpose is to help and I hear others judging the very people I'm helping. I don't have to answer for others, neither does anyone else except that person. Do people take advantage sometimes? Yes. Do we have to be vigilant and aware and cautious? Absolutely! But for the most part, people want to show their best in public and trust a few to say they need help. So, please, don't judge. Unless you want to feel that judgment back on you one day.

Additionally, I am irked at those who have a sense of entitlement. Any educator reading this right now just went, "Ummm-hmmm!" When we raise our kids to think they'll be handed things, not have to work for anything, and by cracky if they don't get what they want in the school or work place, we'll go down there and make sure they get it, we aren't teaching them to work, to communicate, to advocate for themselves. We are teaching them they are entitled. And no one is entitled.

Because of time, I'll put my last in my top three of what really irks me. Bullies. I really can't stand bullies. Not just the bullies like Scott Farkus in A Christmas Story, but grown up bullies, as well. To be honest, I hate the word bully. I don't like people who use their power, size, or position to get what they want, demean others, or just flat out be hateful and mean. If you think of the people who do this, it really comes down to fear on their part; fear of not being liked, respected, fear of losing control, or fear of being figured out. People who are happy and content with who they are, may have a bad day, but they aren't disparaging and mean. Period.

Keeping things short and simple, not my style. Clearly. I probably should have lightened this up a little more with silly things, like, I'm really irked when someone puts a milk or tea jug back in the fridge with approximately a tablespoon of liquid in the container, or when my doorbell rings on a school night, after dark, and I have to crouch down and pretend I'm not home (you do that, too...right?) But change comes when we are honest. If you look back at the biggest things that irk me, they're all based off fear in some way, shape, or form. We judge because it makes us feel better about ourselves (and what would others think if they really saw the real us??), we entitle our children because we fear they'll fail (they will, and they'll get back up and try again), we bully because we're afraid of losing control or status.

So, to my sweet friend who asked... I'm passionate about progression and love. I really hate fear.

I guess I could have kept it short and simple after all (Look, Ma! I kept something short!) :)

Be fearless and love each other,
Becky W.
11/28/2018

The Heaviness of My Heart

All,

I've had writers block for a long time. I've had several posts started and some still hang in mid-air on my computer just waiting for completion of my thoughts. I've struggled with some ups and downs lately that I have been unable to put a finger on, but I think it's finally coming clear to me. I'm simply heavy hearted, sad, and angry with how our world is.

I realize that is a very deep and generalized statement for which most of you would simply say, "Duh!" For me, however, always idealistic and hopeful, the state of our world now is absolutely heart-breaking. We have people being sold into slavery (STILL), not only in other countries, but here, close by, under our very own noses. We have people choosing drugs over their children, and ideals over their spouses. Money and things are idolized and people, animals, and nature are abused and I absolutely cannot stand it! I realize while many of us can do little but set an example, teach our children, and be the best we can be, there are leaders who have power who are doing nothing and it makes me sick! We should, as a WORLD be above the abuse, the hatred, and the intolerance that is happening.

Haven't we come further than this? Don't we ALL deserve better? Don't our CHILDREN and GRANDCHILDREN deserve better? Why on God's green earth are there people going hungry, children being abused, our Veterans living on the streets, and young men and women being sold??? I have seen a lot of political ads lately... mud slinging. Would someone please tell me what can someone do to HELP?? Please help us help others! I know what I do personally and at work to help. You know what you do on your end to help, but good heavens, these people in power are "talking about it" and talking isn't cutting it! If I had the answer, that'd be amazing! I don't. I mean, at my own little level, I do, and I do what I can.... but heavens, can we all just be a little kinder, stop the mud slinging and finger pointing and get our heads out of our own rear ends and start ACTING to make things better?

Please know this is not a political rant, this is an "everyone plea." While I believe there are those who do not need to be in power, we ALL need to help make things better. Make noise. Vote. Be kind. Buy a meal for someone. If something looks strange, say something. Call 911 if you're concerned. Speak up. If we all spoke up like the people being mistreated were our children, grandchildren, or our parents....  well, I think we'd all speak up a lot more. Admittedly, myself included. Lets change some things.

Becky

Wouldn't have missed this...

So once again it’s been awhile since I’ve put the crazy thoughts in my head to print. You can thank me for that later. This last year has been a whirlwind, but we knew it would be before we headed into it. I think the initial conversation went something like this:

“Liam, I’m thinking about going back to school.”

“Cool!”

“I need to talk to Mary about it. Remember how she was when I finished at A & M?”

“Yeah… it’s fine, Mom. I’ll be gone, but it’ll keep you busy and take your mind off me going away to college…” (smart kid)

“Mary, I’m thinking about going back to school. Think you can handle that now?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“...Because you won’t be able to drive yet, Liam will be off at college, and it will be a ridiculously crazy year. But just one year. One year of crazy. We can do that, right?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“...Because remember when you were 7 and we were literally leaving my graduation from A & M and you told me you were proud of me but to not EVER go back to school again? Remember that? I don’t want you to bring that up again…”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Ok. Well, I’m doin’ it…”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Mary’s chatty like that. Liam was full on supportive from the start and I knew he would be because he was leaving to start his own ventures at South, so he wouldn’t be around for all the crazy. Shoot! He welcomed the crazy! Bring it on! He’d be down at South having himself a good ol’ time! Mary was the one I would have to figure out rides for, forget to pick up sometimes, and who would live off Dino-nuggets and mac-and-cheese again for the year. Nevertheless we were all on board that Mom was heading back to school. It didn’t really surprise them. When they were 4 and 7 I started graduate school at night while working during the day. It was a blur and we don’t talk about it a lot, really only because we don’t remember much. Occasionally I’ll find something I wrote while in grad school and think, “Wow! That was really well done! I wrote that???” But I digress….

The year of crazy. Being super excited to get accepted into the Samford Cohort for Educational Leadership, I eagerly awaited our first classes to begin last fall. Walking into our first class and meeting my new twelve classmates felt awkward at first. I won’t pretend that we weren’t all sizing each other up. I’m sure we were. “These people seem really nice and I’m sure we’ll get along just fine” I thought to myself. I remember thinking that exactly, but I also remember thinking there was no way we would end up as close as the other cohort professed to being when they came to talk to us about the classes. How in the world can we all really relate to each other? Our jobs within education were all quite different; everything from coaches, to specialists, to kindergarten teachers, TOSAs, counselor, Gifted Coordinator, high school teachers, elementary teachers… I’m sure I left some out, but you get the idea. We were so varied in our expertise and interests. How could we possibly bond?

It seems we are this way in life sometimes, doesn’t it? We automatically size people up before we ever really know the first thing about them. We decide we have nothing in common with them, or that we are better than they, or even worse than they. We decide upon one look or one quick conversation that we could do their job better or would certainly do it differently. Why would they choose to wear that to work? Don’t they realize that isn’t professional? Maybe we do this with people we see at church, or in our neighborhood, or while we are simply out running errands? “I can’t believe they left the house like that!”, or “Why is she driving like a maniac??” I do have some answers to these in just a minute. Stick with me…

A few years ago I spoke at the Rescue Mission. Afterward, my little sister came up to me and said, “You know I was a little nervous. I didn’t know what you were going to talk about… how you would relate…” I understood what she meant; how I would make that connection to people who may have possibly been through a hell I couldn’t understand. As I look back to when I spoke, it was simply on needing each other. I can relate to that. The parishioners at the mission that evening could relate to that. I was in no way above anyone, I just needed people. So did they. We just do. Period.

Back to sizing people up. We all do that and I’ll admit I’m guilty as well. Understand, I’m not talking about being aware of your surroundings, I’m talking about those judgments that may very well keep us from doing amazing things, meeting amazing people, and growing in ways that at first are uncomfortable (isn’t that always the case???) but in retrospect you cannot imagine having sat complacent. Think back to those things you almost didn’t do because you thought you didn’t fit, and ended up having a ball. Think about the person you almost didn’t talk to who is now your best friend, your mentor, your better half or maybe even your spouse. Think about the person you swore was so aloof, snooty, and disengaged… could it be that they were sad, lonely, awkward… and waiting for someone to talk to them? That woman driving crazy in traffic? That was me last summer when my son was in the E. R. and I had to get to him. It was also me this summer when my daughter was in a fender bender and I was trying not to hyperventilate, just getting to her. I knew they were fine, but I’m a mom. And that woman who “went out looking like that”? Again, could’ve been me, or you, when our kids were sick and we needed that medicine YESTERDAY, or were out of diapers, or worse...COFFEE?!?!

Being immersed in the Samford work with twelve new people proved to be amazing. You really can’t ignore people with whom you are always in class and doing projects. Especially when no one really knows what the project is, but we all have some sort of idea so we make it work. It’s fun to learn who has great handwriting (they get to write on those giant post it notes when it’s group work time), who can draw, who knows law well, who is detail oriented, and who sees things from different angles and analyzes everything to death (me). It’s fun to see who will bring the chocolate, or blow-pop suckers, or sour gummy worms, and who can eat the most small bags of chips in one sitting. Will a guitar be brought? Will we have a sing-a-long? Maybe… you never knew... We formed our inside jokes, those late night group texts, and grew to truly love, support, pray for, and lean on each other.

Throughout the last year our little cohort went through alot together, proving that we didn’t just all get along pretty well, we did, indeed, form a deep, forever friendship (and almost a band). The funny thing is, it wasn’t really just with our cohort, but the one before ours, and likely the one after. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, but I would have missed this if I had sized them all up, and passed on the opportunity, because I thought I was better, or they were better, or we had nothing in common. I would have missed this… and that’s a sad and scary thought. What all have you missed that someone else may have had to offer?

In our class times together we grew to value our differences, feel safe with being open and honest, and really listen to one another. We were all there to learn from each other and that’s what we all loved. Opening ourselves up to other points of view, to the fact that our way isn’t always the only way (it rarely is), and that we ALL have things to bring to the table isn’t always easy, but oh, my friends, it is so, so worth it.

To my Samford cohort…. My friends…. Carla, Kyle, Megan, Alecia, Yolanda, Tyler, Chad, Lisa, Rebecca, Wendy, Emily, and Lynne… this past year was crazy. It makes me proud to have been in such an excellent program with the best of the best leaders. You make me want to be better, push farther, and take risks. There is no doubt in my mind God knew what we all needed and put us together. And truly, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.

(PS After carefully analyzing everything, I realized we don’t have a group pic! WHAT??? lol)

Not sizing you up,

Becky

July 30, 2017