My letter to Mary Abbott on Graduation

With my sweet baby girl's permission, here is my letter to her on her graduation day. Many points are the same as I gave her brother, many differ because they differ. Mary, you're my girl....

Dear Sweet Mary Abbott, May 21, 2019

Can you believe you graduate today? It’s true what they say (whoever they are), “The days are long and the years are short”. I don’t know where the years have gone.

You know the story of your name. It was picked before your dad and I ever met, then I found out it was his mom’s maiden name. You were destined to be in this world and never ever has that been a question.

“She’s cute and all, but where’s Max?” Those were Liam’s first words when he came into the hospital room right after you were born. We didn’t find out what either of you were, but I was sure you were a boy, until the night before I had you. Then I had this strange feeling. I remember exactly where I was in our home on Ambrose. I remember saying to myself, “I think it’s my girl.” And you were. And you always have been. And you always will be.

Girls and their mothers have strange relationships. I learned that the only way a mom can learn that; by raising one. The depth of love I have for you and complexity of having a mini-me to raise…. Well, you gave me a run for the money. While you would observe and learn from your brother, never were you a wallflower. You were always looking for ways to uplift, serve, and encourage others. Rare it must be for a mother to have two children she looks up to as much as I look up to you and your brother.

You’ve always been a “need to know” kid. We would have to let you know what was planned, where we were going, what to expect, etc. The funny thing is, life never really turns out the way we plan and I think you’ve probably seen that. While it seems you have so much in order and figured out, there are still things in this life that you need to remember. Like the letter I wrote your brother, you’ve heard so many things a million times, but I am your mother and I will, until my dying day, remind you of these things, because… You’re my girl…

Sweet Mary Abbott…

• Be aware of your surroundings when you are out in public
• Don’t look down at your phone while walking to your car, hold your head up and look people in the eyes (and have your keys between your fingers)
• Always let someone know where you’re going and when you’ll be back. And when you get back, let someone know
• Never ever go anywhere with someone you don’t know
• Never open your door to a stranger
• Never meet anyone in a place you are unfamiliar
• Remember you always have a home to come back to
• Drive slower than necessary. You’ll notice more
• Get to know people’s stories. Everyone has one
• Be kinder than you have to be. It matters
• Be kind to wait staff, check-out people, service people, and new moms
• Compliment people often but sincerely
• Laugh. A lot. You have such a cute one!
• Smile. A lot. You have a beautiful one! This world needs it
• Take care of your body. It’s the only one you get
• Never drink and drive and NEVER get in the car with a driver that has been drinking or doing drugs
• Do not excuse bad or abusive behavior... (including physical, verbal, or mental). Someone else’s issues do not need to become yours
• If anyone hits you once, they’ll do it again. Violence is never ok. Ever.
• Communication is everything. Don’t assume
• Remember it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it
• Be kind to kids. I know you already are :)
• Be kind to older people
• Call your mom… just because
• Call your mamaw… just because
• Call your dad and grandparents
• Keep your brother as your best friend. I love that you guys have each other.
• Never let anyone come between you and family. If someone loves you, they will want you to remain close to your family
• Likewise, love someone who has a close family and encourages your strong family relationships
• Take time to nurture friendships
• Take time to nurture yourself
• Spend quiet time in nature and appreciate how God works
• Never stop learning
• Try new foods sometimes. It won’t kill you. I promise
• Count your blessings. For real. Have prayers of thanks and gratitude and you’ll see how incredibly blessed you are
• Never go out in pajama bottoms
• Keep yourself groomed nicely. People notice. I promise
• Keep your home clean and tidy so you’re never embarrassed by anyone just stopping by
• Shower before bed. You’ll sleep better
• Pray before bed. You’ll sleep better
• Don’t be attached to digital devices. Take walks. Get fresh air
• Don’t be afraid of a little yard work or to garden. While you nurture Mother Nature, She’s actually nurturing you
• Show gratitude for the smallest things
• Keep blank cards, a pen, and tape in your car for the occasion you may need to leave someone a much needed kind note
• Keep back-up (eye) glasses in your car
• Keep a first aid kit in your car as well as jumper cables and emergency car things
• Know how to change a tire
• Sit up straight
• Use proper grammar
• When you meet someone, look them in the eye, shake their hand (nice firm handshake), and repeat their name. They’ll remember
• Answer the phone in an upbeat manner
• Get up, dress up, show up. Even on the days you don’t feel like it
• :Take a break if you need, but ”We don’t quit”
• Don’t skimp on shoes
• Chase God. Surround yourself with others who chase God
• Buy classic clothes. They’re always in style
• Wear pearls sometimes on a weekday
• Floss. Everyday. I mean it.
• Don’t worry so much about whether people like you. Do what God wants. The right people will love you. Always.
• Come home, please. Often
• Remember your beauty and worth. Never allow anyone to try to make you feel less than
• Remember how very loved you are

In this great big world there are so many who need you, Mary Abbott. I can’t wait to see how you set it on fire with your passion and love! While you will be many things to many others, remember, Sweet Mary Abbott… you will always, always be my girl.

I love you more than you will ever know,

Mom

For the Love of Numbers? or Children.

I don't know about you, but when I go to the doctor and they take my blood pressure, one could almost bet their bottom dollar it will be higher thank a kite. To my chagrin, and almost as though I'm lying, I utter the words to the nurse, "If you take it again in about 10 minutes it'll be lower." I'm pretty sure they believe me. Yeah. Right. But I do have what has been referred to as "White coat hypertension" meaning that my blood pressure will go up when I go to the doctor until I've been in the office for a little bit.

Know what else makes my blood pressure go up? You'll have to read my previous posts to get some ideas. HA. Seriously though. This isn't a post about doctors or blood pressure. It's a post that I've written about before. Numbers. Numbers are wonderful. They can tell us what we can afford, that our health is getting better, that we are making progress in certain areas. On the flip-side, numbers are just numbers. They can be misleading. Example: I have a digital thermometer that doesn't work properly. The last time I felt ill and took my temp with that little demon, I was pretty sure I was either headed toward hypothermia or on the verge of spontaneous combustion.

We hear things like, "Numbers don't lie" and "You're numbers are down (or up)" and it seems we all just accept these little digits like the gospel. And sure, there's a place for that. But as I previously wrote we are all so much more than numbers; on a scale, a bank account, a grade... a score.

Tomorrow 120+ 3rd grade students will walk into our building to take the state Scantron test. On Wednesday our 4th grade will partake of this festivity and on Thursday our 5th, the old salts of testing (bless 'em), will wrap up their elementary state testing forever and ever amen.

But tomorrow these students, the greenest of state test takers will walk in our school. Some will have knots in their tummies. Some will have butterflies. Some will be perfectly calm. Some students will have been up all night because someone was fighting, the cops were at their house, or they had to take care of their siblings. Some will walk in hungry. Some will come in thinking about that relative of theirs that was killed last week in a drug related incident, an automobile accident, or at the hands of someone who was supposed to love them. Some students will come in wondering who will be at home when they get there, if anybody. Yes, we really hear about these things. Then there are those who will have forgotten they are even taking any tests. I kind of feel I would have fallen in this category.

We have amazing teachers. They work so hard, are attentive to the whole child and let me know if a child seems "off" or "not himself" lately so I can check in on them. The standards are written on the boards and small groups are formed to challenge or support the students in these classes. No stones unturned. Or not many, anyway.

While we are all dotting those i's and crossing our t's, it's important to remember that these babies we love everyday.... the ones that walk through the doors everyday with the issues they have EVERYDAY, will come to us on test days with the same issues. I know. I bought a magic wand at Dollar General and while it's really cute, it hasn't really worked yet. We have to remember that while we work hard and push these students, some days, in the words of my former principal, "Don't you know the last thing on her mind is learning."

Don't misunderstand me, I don't believe in making excuses. I hate excuses! But y'all, please get to know your students and listen to their explanations. There is a HUGE difference in excuses and explanations. Please understand them, or try to. And for the love, just as you are more than a number on your scale, your bank account, your GRE, or your Praxis score, your students are more than a number on their Scantron. They are children....some of them with lives you could never comprehend. They are caretakers, problem-solvers, interpreters, chefs, babysitters, planners.... But for the love... they are children. They. Are. CHILDREN. CHILDREN.

So, dear friends, while holding ourselves and our littles accountable please remember why we do what we do. It is for the love. Not the love of numbers, but the love of children.

Thanking my educator friends for their tireless dedication,
Becky