I have been divorced for nearly 9 years. I always miss my
kids when they aren’t with me, so please know that. We occasionally take
separate vacations and yes, it did take me a long time to be okay with that.
However, now it really doesn’t bother me to be alone and I don’t feel lonely
very often. I enjoy driving. I enjoy driving alone with my sunroof open and my
radio up, singing loudly (tip: If you are in a traffic jam, people next to you
may hear you). I was really looking forward to my drive to and from Virginia
for my fall break. No worries on weather, I will crank up the AC or the heat.
It’s my car. I have to feel the wind in my hair! Unless it rains. I do have
boundaries.
Cruising on up on Friday after
school, I knew I was going to stop in Knoxville so I really wasn’t in any
hurry. Good thing! It is perpetual rush hour in Chattanooga. No fret. I’m alone
with my thoughts and there are approximately 124 radio stations from which to
choose. I scan. I’m now grooving and moving at about 15 mph when I realize that
this awesome tune, to which I am steering-wheel-drumming is Spanish. I don’t
speak, nor do I understand Spanish. For the record, I can conjugate some verbs
in Latin and I can tell you that the girl and the country are beautiful. Watch
out Cicero!
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| I took this for Susan. I have no idea why!
Knoxville
traffic was not a lot better as UT played Florida on Saturday, but I was highly
entertained at a bar by some enthusiastic people while I had the pleasure of
simply being an outside observer. Being enthusiastic myself about getting to ‘my
second home’ I was up and at ‘em WAY early on Saturday and got in to Roanoke at
about 10:45 a.m. with a smile on my face and a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte in tow
for my most gracious host and best friend in the whole wide world, Susan.
Going back to Roanoke feels like
home to me. I only lived there for 6 years and that was over 18 years ago, but
I can maneuver myself around there pretty well still (i.e. I know some great
places to shop and found a new great gourmet wine place!) Going to church on
Sunday morning felt like no time had passed. I was able to see so many people
who impacted my life so much more than they will ever realize. I couldn’t stop
smiling, talking, laughing. My heart began to hurt. I couldn’t tell if it was
in a good way, bad way… what way. I just knew something was tugging on me that
hadn’t in a long, long time.
|
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| My dear friend Keith Wagner. He has no idea how many lives he has made better! |
Fast
forwarding past the crazy Sunday afternoon with “Peter the Pilot from Germany”,
the gliding, and the awesome picnic with Susan’s family, the dinner with
friends, going to school with Susan and seeing a dear friend with whom I used
to teach when I was there, collaborating with an amazing counselor, having
lunch with new friends, dinner with the LMFTO friends, crazy cross fit with
Channing, yoga, deer, (I missed the dead bear…sigh… I never have ANY fun! lol) and
approximately 32 pumpkin spice latte’s to my early morning drive on the Blue
Ridge Parkway. (Yes, that was one sentence, don’t judge me.)
Roughly one hundred years ago, or 20 when I
lived in Roanoke I would take the Blue Ridge Parkway as often as I could
because it is, hands down, one of the most peaceful places on earth. It can
also be a little scary but that’s a blog for another time. The scenery is
exquisite and when the speed limit is posted 45 mph they are NOT KIDDING! The
lookouts are scattered and depending on the time of the year you will find that
some are better than others. On Tuesday morning with coffee in hand, I set out
on my drive. Having no idea where I was going really, I quickly realized other
people knew exactly where they were going. To work. Oops. Sorry, I found an
overlook to pull over and realized how perfect it was. Turning the car off and
trotting through the grass to get a few shots with my little phone camera,
peace washed over me like nothing that a keyboard can explain. The air was
fresh, the colors were rich, the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds.
I could have stayed all day taking in this amazing earth that God created and
intended for us to enjoy. Excited about reconnecting to some ‘slow and peaceful’
quiet stillness in my heart, I drove a little more and took a very skinny,
windy four-mile loop that almost thrilled my stomach as much as Peter the Pilot’s
cartwheels did. I would love to say that I took time to meditate at each of my
stops, to pray, to ponder. I didn’t. Not in the traditional sense. But here is
what I realized and took away:
Our lives
get so fast paced with ‘what’s next’, what we ‘should be’ doing, ‘what’s wrong’
and ‘what if’ that we (or I at least) fail to slow down and live in today and
friends, today is all we have. The beauty was so captivating I craved, CRAVED
to have my kids with me to show them the mountains, the city from “The Star”,
the creeks, the trees, the sun coming through the clouds, even the stars on the
morning when I left and there was no power (and you haven’t seen ‘dark’ until
you’ve been way out on a mountain with no power). I took with me that while I
crave to be back there, surrounded by that beauty daily, like I was then, we
have so much everywhere that we miss; not because it isn’t here, but because we
are too busy with everything else. I know life is and must be. I know things
must keep moving and we have to work to keep things going, but like the phrase
says, are we so busy making a living that we forget to have a life?
I have the best friends and family
here in Alabama. I love my job and have the best colleagues! I am blessed
beyond reason, no doubt. I honestly don’t know how I could ever leave here. As
a 1st grade student said to me a couple of weeks ago I feel like I’m
in “a real pickle” sometimes because I want to be in both places. So it hits me…
I have two homes!! How wonderful! I told sweet Morgan that when you are happy
with yourself, you can be happy anywhere and I immediately wanted to take that
back, so Morgan, listen up… I take that back. Here is what I think (It’s my
mind, I can change it). When you are truly happy, joyful way deep down inside,
you are fine knowing that you may or may not be exactly where you want to be
and that’s ok. You are fine with the fact that life is and you realize there
are options. You explore them and appreciate the best of everything. There is
no ‘grass is greener’ because you know that you’ll take your joy with you wherever
you go; whether it’s to the beach, to work, to the store, or to the most
beautiful and peaceful place to perhaps make a second home, Virginia. And you
are fine simply not knowing what your future holds, because you truly do know
who holds it.
I cried a little when I was there. I won’t lie. Ok, some of it was when I was laughing so hard from the inside of the gliding plane, but some of it was because I miss it so much, but I don’t have to miss it. The mountains, the creeks, the trees, the beauty of Virginia, the peace it brings me, and most especially the friendships aren’t going anywhere. Interstates. Awesome. Cell phones. Social Media. Amazing! So grateful I have the best of both worlds and that all roads do lead home. Whichever one that is.
Peacefully,
Becky
October 9, 2014
*Susan and
Lyn, thank you for being the most gracious hosts and best friends. Thank you
for the dinners, the laughs, the thrills. Thank you for letting me watch the
Auburn game. J I love you both so much!!
.
