Where Did Big Hair Go?

 

I have felt a blog coming on for a long time, so this may be a combined writing of 3 or 4 blogs, or it may simply be one that makes no sense, who knows. It’s mine though, this writing, my ownership allows my thoughts to rush in like a flooding river.

Where did big hair go? If you grew up in or around the same decade(s) as I, you know that we are largely responsible for the hole in the ozone layer. We also saw leggings, leg warmers, chukka boots and heavy eye-liner the first time around (or second or third, I can’t be certain). You know that if you tripped and fell down, your hair would break off, so my sister warned me. My question is where did it all go? I see it’s coming back, but where did the years in between go?

I swear when I was younger I remember someone telling me not to wish my life away. I thought, “I don’t wish it away, I just wish I was a little older so (insert wish)”. Well VIOLA! Color-me-lucky, I got my wish! Now, for the life of me, I can’t figure out where the time has gone.

The other day I was proudly ordering flowers for my son’s date for his first military ball. You know, girls, the corsage that we wore proudly with our beautiful gowns and held onto, well, forever?  I called the florist and began to describe the dress to the best of my ability, given my son’s description to me consisted of monosyllabic words in a text message. I choked up. I did. I used to WEAR the flowers and now I’m ordering them. Where did the time go? A male friend at work said “Well, you should be good at ordering them!” to which I barked back “You’re missing my point!!!”

This same week my daughter had volleyball tryouts. Two days of grueling ball slamming for her and two days of grueling tummy knots for me. She has had private lessons for a while because this is important to her, but I also know that we don’t necessarily always get what we want. I tried to be very positive with my daughter, while also letting her know that just trying something new was a “win”. I wondered if I believed what I told her. I wondered if I would believe it if someone was telling me the same thing. I firmly believe that, for kids, but I also know how hard kids are one themselves, so I was prepared that if she didn’t make it, we would have to ‘back up and punt’ so to speak. Wednesday morning when “the list” was posted, my daughter had made the team. I could breathe again. I had been taken back to when I tried out for cheerleader (how many times?) and didn’t make it, and came home crying. I remember my mom, not her words of wisdom as much as her arms that reached out and held me. I remember her telling me “there will be other things”. And there were. My mom rocked. My mom still does.

Where did the time go? My sisters always joke that if you need a certain date recalled you ask Becky. I have a steel trap memory. I do. Well, until it has to do with something that is due, or something I did yesterday. Oh, and occasionally I go to doctor appointments an entire month early, but with DATES of things in our past, I have it down… at least I think I do and no one argues.

Memory can be a blessing, but it can be a curse. I do remember details. A lot. A LOT. I can’t for the life of me though, remember where the last few years have gone. I think my 30’s were spent chasing a toddler and then a newborn, then a school age boy, and toddler girl. I went through a divorce, had to go back to work, raised two kids and went back to graduate school. Fog. It’s a fog to me. I hate that.

I remember talking to my mom once about how fast time goes and she said “You have no idea”. I don’t remember where we were going, but I was driving and she was in the passenger seat. My heart took a picture of that because her words were meant for me to take notice. You have no idea. I had no idea.

I had no idea my life would take these turns. I had no idea I would be so incredibly blessed by these two amazing children, but that their lives would fly even more quickly than my own. I had no idea I would start to gauge that they are soon to be going to college and hopefully putting into practice all that has been passed on to them (not big hair). I had no idea that this teaching/learning period is so ungodly short! I had no idea that I would see myself, alone again and it scares me a little and I don’t like it, but I’ll figure that out. I had no idea God would show up and show out because I came to my knees and asked Him to take over.

So, where did this time go? Where did big hair and leggings go, and WHERE DID MY RETAINER GO???  I just don’t think we understand that this life is such a flash of what God has in store for us. It has to be. I am amazed at life. It’s fun. It’s whimsical. It’s a roller coaster so terrifying that you can’t wait to get back on again! What’s in store? What else is there? I treasure my past. My H.S. years (if you are reading this, you are a part of it and you know who you are) I treasure raising my children and these years. My heart hurts that it is flying, but I thank God, hear me when I say this, I thank GOD for this time to make or break my children’s memories. I thank God for this roller coaster and pray that it slows just a tad. I thank God that my kids listen sometimes and hope that they, like I, just might hear their mom say, “You have no idea” and one day they think about what that means… while styling all of that hair maybe… or finding the plug to the ozone layer.

Becky Wilkenson

February 22, 2013