10 Things for My Single Guy Friends to Know About Dating Single Moms

10 Things for My Single Guy Friends to Know About Dating Single Moms

1.      Single moms are still women. Under all of the fundraising papers, dirty sports uniforms, and the robe that is older than her eldest child is someone who wants to be seen as a woman; as beautiful, sensual, glamorous, strong, independent, and exciting. She wishes she DID have time for that 3 mile run in those 20 minutes she has that one day per week, but darn at the homework! Mention that you see the positive things in her after you wipe the chicken nugget crumbs off her shoulder.

2.      Single moms don’t have time for your insecurity. It’s nice to get little messages on occasion, but when we are balancing 8 grocery bags, a cup of coffee, shutting the car door with our boot (the good pair), while yelling to remind the kids that we have 20 min. for dinner then we’re off to youth group, we don’t have time to respond to a text message that just says “Hi”. It seems as though you are crouched in the corner of a dark room waving your hand begging for attention. I know that sounds harsh, but throw something in like “I know you’re busy, but I just wanted to say hey! Have a great evening!” and we’ll know you aren’t just sitting there waiting for a response.

3.      Single moms, at least single moms that will be around for a while aren’t interested in all your money and things. If you are trying to woo a girl with what you’ve done, have, your money, or your toys then go ahead and get a bank account in her name and save yourself some time because that’s what you’ll end up doing in the long run. And is that really the girl you want? If you really want to woo us, let us get to know YOU. Let us know that you’ll be around and that you are worth our time.

4.      Single moms are busy but we will make time for the people and things that are important. If it’s a lunch date, a coffee date, or if you are worth scheduling time every other weekend, if you are important we will make time for you. Please understand that the most important people are the ones we are raising, but we still enjoy having a ‘life outside of our life’ and when and if the time comes, the two of you shall meet.

5.      Single moms are amazingly intuitive and strong. Our BS meters are pretty keen. If you say one thing and mean another, we pretty much have that figured out before the last word is out of your mouth.  Respect us enough to be honest. If you like us, great! If you aren’t interested, not a problem. Don’t waste our time or yours, but at least be honest. Yes, we really can be just friends.

6.      If you can’t watch your mouth or your actions, you don’t have a shot with a single mom. We want to trust you around our kids and our moms. And believe me, our kids tell our moms everything! Seriously! So if we are nervous about taking you home to our kids, it’s probably not going anywhere. And don't forget the way you talk about your ex, your mom, your kids, and the way you treat the wait staff speaks volumes about your character.

7.      Single moms are not looking to raise another child. Don’t get me wrong, I would welcome any good man who had children, but I am not going to raise a man child. By that I mean I am not looking for a man to take care of. There is something incredibly sexy about a man who is already happy, emotionally healthy, and is perfectly capable of doing his own laundry, paying his own bills, and keeping his place clean.

8.      Many single moms have been through a lot and surely may have baggage, and hopefully have learned to let it go or at least deal with it. But single moms don’t need to pick up any more unnecessary baggage. We don’t need any more bitterness, anger, distrust, etc. in any relationship. Please don’t come to her to heal you. She already has a lot on her plate.

9.      Single moms are not too busy to have fun. Most want, need, and look forward to their friend time, family time, and can cut loose and be silly when needed. And our kids secretly love it.

10.   Single moms make great friends and companions because most single moms know the art of cherishing the little things; communication, grace under fire, picking their battles, and balancing a checkbook. They are strong, smart, sensitive, and caring. In fact, most women are.

So, if you are ever in the position of dating a single mom, maybe some of these insights will help you. Just be polite, proper, and treat her like a lady. Take her to dinner… but don’t order her a happy meal.

Becky Wilkenson

December 1, 2013