I don’t think anyone
would disagree that our energy levels tend to go up when we are around those we
love. I have had more than one person tell me that I am perkier when my chicks
are here in the nest. Even if the kids are running around with their friends,
if they are “here”, I seem to have a little more spring in my step and be able
to breathe a little easier. I don’t know
if this comes from the fact that they are literally a part of me, or simply
that I love them so much that their presence is calming to me (ok, most of the
time!), nevertheless, it is so.
As I was taking Mary
Abbott to volleyball this morning I glanced over at her and said, “I feel sorry
for people who don’t have a Mary and Liam.” She didn’t really say anything.
They hear me say these things all the time. She just smiles a little. She was
barely awake. That’s ok. My kids are both pretty expressive, each in their own
way. My family is big on “I love you”’s. We always have been. Growing up we
always said this when we were leaving or going to bed or hanging up the phone.
We have been accused of saying it so much that it doesn’t mean anything. Let me
address this right now: If I don’t love you, I won’t say it. Period. Give me a
break! We dealt with loss at a young age and we are wise enough to know there
are no moments guaranteed other than this one. Why withhold a loving word? Why
save it for special moments? Because it will mean more if we don’t say it
often? I disagree. Here is my take on the “L” word that people are so afraid of
using.
There are many types
of love. In the Christian world I was raised hearing about Eros, Agape, and
Philos. I’m focusing mostly on Agape and Philos (I’ll leave the Eros to you all
as it seems to not be working out for me at the moment). People who know me
know that I do all things big. I laugh big, love big, care big. I don’t do much
very small. If I’m in, I’m all in. If I am getting to know you I’ll probably
keep you at arm’s length and when I figure you’re ok then you get to cross the
great threshold into Becky’s world and I love you. Period. As a friend,
companion, whatever! Now, that does not mean that I am a sucker or door mat.
Nor does it mean I want to marry you. I’m sorry, but I just had a little eye
twitch there… the thought of cleaning up after yet another person makes me
cringe. Companion for travel and good times? Sure! I have to cook for you?!!?
No way! But for the most part, I love you and will do what I can to let you
know that and care for you. That’s just how I am. I realize that most people
are more cautious and that I am gravely misunderstood. I hate that, but it is
what it is.
I haven’t always been
so open. For years I was very scared of people. No one knows this and I am
being very candid here, but after my first divorce, I was so afraid of being
hurt again that I had my precious few friends and that was all I needed. I then
married again and after some sticky things and some friends who turned out not
to be friends at all, I found myself closing off again. I can honestly tell you
that it’s easy to hide in your house or your classroom or office and look
really, really busy to keep people at bay. God forbid that anyone ever get
close to me to hurt me again. But you know what I realized was happening? I
wasn’t happy. I was lonely. I was sad. And I knew that I had a lot of love to
give and I *needed* love from people.
So what’s a girl to
do? I had to start making myself say yes. I had to start making myself get to know people, take risks, go out
and have fun, and yes, even have my heart broken by people I hoped would be
friends and even interests. Because here is what I have learned: You can sit at
home in isolation, literally or figuratively, and hurt and the healing of all
the brokenness that you have had will be the only company you keep, or you can
get out and meet people and all of a sudden you are hearing the precious words “Me
too!” or “I’ve been there, if you need to talk!” and you realize that you aren’t
alone and your heart feels lighter and you smile and laugh more. And you
realize love doesn’t mean all or nothing.
What does this have
to do with my children and the people in my life that I love? Everything. I don’t
see love as something to be “in”, it is something you do. I see love as
something that just is and it is all around and it is in everyone to be discovered
on a daily basis. I see it waiting to be brought out in those who feel hurt,
scathed, angry, broken, and alone. I see it in those who are too shy to speak
out. I see it in those who seemingly have it all together that you couldn’t
imagine they would be lacking for anything (no one has it all together). Why do
we wait for special occasions to love people? Or let them know they’re loved? Why
can’t we just love each other and allow ourselves to be loved? Why is the “L”
word such a 4-letter word? Ok, no jokes there, it IS a 4-letter word, but it’s
a GREAT 4-letter word. Why do we make it a bad one? Why does it have to be
dreaded, feared, or ran from? Can “love” really be overused?
I understand that
people don’t go throwing that word around and I understand why. I tell my
family, friends, and of course my kids that I love them. I mean it. I always
do. I simply cannot imagine lying on my death bed saying, “Gee, I wish I hadn’t
loved so much.” Not me. Maybe someone else will. Not me. The people around me,
whom I love so much, give me energy. They make me smile. They make me crazy
sometimes, but that’s part of the package and I love that, too. I would much
rather be open to the risks, than closed off. Being closed off assures nothing
more than…well…being closed off. Open to risks? There is so much out there to
love; so many people who need it, so many people to share it. So glad God
opened my eyes to it!
Lovingly,
Becky
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