All Roads Lead Home... But to Which One????

I have been divorced for nearly 9 years. I always miss my kids when they aren’t with me, so please know that. We occasionally take separate vacations and yes, it did take me a long time to be okay with that. However, now it really doesn’t bother me to be alone and I don’t feel lonely very often. I enjoy driving. I enjoy driving alone with my sunroof open and my radio up, singing loudly (tip: If you are in a traffic jam, people next to you may hear you). I was really looking forward to my drive to and from Virginia for my fall break. No worries on weather, I will crank up the AC or the heat. It’s my car. I have to feel the wind in my hair! Unless it rains. I do have boundaries.

            Cruising on up on Friday after school, I knew I was going to stop in Knoxville so I really wasn’t in any hurry. Good thing! It is perpetual rush hour in Chattanooga. No fret. I’m alone with my thoughts and there are approximately 124 radio stations from which to choose. I scan. I’m now grooving and moving at about 15 mph when I realize that this awesome tune, to which I am steering-wheel-drumming is Spanish. I don’t speak, nor do I understand Spanish. For the record, I can conjugate some verbs in Latin and I can tell you that the girl and the country are beautiful. Watch out Cicero! 

I took this for Susan. I have no idea why!

Knoxville traffic was not a lot better as UT played Florida on Saturday, but I was highly entertained at a bar by some enthusiastic people while I had the pleasure of simply being an outside observer. Being enthusiastic myself about getting to ‘my second home’ I was up and at ‘em WAY early on Saturday and got in to Roanoke at about 10:45 a.m. with a smile on my face and a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte in tow for my most gracious host and best friend in the whole wide world, Susan.

            Going back to Roanoke feels like home to me. I only lived there for 6 years and that was over 18 years ago, but I can maneuver myself around there pretty well still (i.e. I know some great places to shop and found a new great gourmet wine place!) Going to church on Sunday morning felt like no time had passed. I was able to see so many people who impacted my life so much more than they will ever realize. I couldn’t stop smiling, talking, laughing. My heart began to hurt. I couldn’t tell if it was in a good way, bad way… what way. I just knew something was tugging on me that hadn’t in a long, long time.

My dear friend Keith Wagner. He has no idea how many lives he has made better!

Fast forwarding past the crazy Sunday afternoon with “Peter the Pilot from Germany”, the gliding, and the awesome picnic with Susan’s family, the dinner with friends, going to school with Susan and seeing a dear friend with whom I used to teach when I was there, collaborating with an amazing counselor, having lunch with new friends, dinner with the LMFTO friends, crazy cross fit with Channing, yoga, deer, (I missed the dead bear…sigh… I never have ANY fun! lol) and approximately 32 pumpkin spice latte’s to my early morning drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway. (Yes, that was one sentence, don’t judge me.)

             Roughly one hundred years ago, or 20 when I lived in Roanoke I would take the Blue Ridge Parkway as often as I could because it is, hands down, one of the most peaceful places on earth. It can also be a little scary but that’s a blog for another time. The scenery is exquisite and when the speed limit is posted 45 mph they are NOT KIDDING! The lookouts are scattered and depending on the time of the year you will find that some are better than others. On Tuesday morning with coffee in hand, I set out on my drive. Having no idea where I was going really, I quickly realized other people knew exactly where they were going. To work. Oops. Sorry, I found an overlook to pull over and realized how perfect it was. Turning the car off and trotting through the grass to get a few shots with my little phone camera, peace washed over me like nothing that a keyboard can explain. The air was fresh, the colors were rich, the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds. I could have stayed all day taking in this amazing earth that God created and intended for us to enjoy. Excited about reconnecting to some ‘slow and peaceful’ quiet stillness in my heart, I drove a little more and took a very skinny, windy four-mile loop that almost thrilled my stomach as much as Peter the Pilot’s cartwheels did. I would love to say that I took time to meditate at each of my stops, to pray, to ponder. I didn’t. Not in the traditional sense. But here is what I realized and took away:

Our lives get so fast paced with ‘what’s next’, what we ‘should be’ doing, ‘what’s wrong’ and ‘what if’ that we (or I at least) fail to slow down and live in today and friends, today is all we have. The beauty was so captivating I craved, CRAVED to have my kids with me to show them the mountains, the city from “The Star”, the creeks, the trees, the sun coming through the clouds, even the stars on the morning when I left and there was no power (and you haven’t seen ‘dark’ until you’ve been way out on a mountain with no power). I took with me that while I crave to be back there, surrounded by that beauty daily, like I was then, we have so much everywhere that we miss; not because it isn’t here, but because we are too busy with everything else. I know life is and must be. I know things must keep moving and we have to work to keep things going, but like the phrase says, are we so busy making a living that we forget to have a life?

            I have the best friends and family here in Alabama. I love my job and have the best colleagues! I am blessed beyond reason, no doubt. I honestly don’t know how I could ever leave here. As a 1^st grade student said to me a couple of weeks ago I feel like I’m in “a real pickle” sometimes because I want to be in both places. So it hits me… I have two homes!! How wonderful! I told sweet Morgan that when you are happy with yourself, you can be happy anywhere and I immediately wanted to take that back, so Morgan, listen up… I take that back. Here is what I think (It’s my mind, I can change it). When you are truly happy, joyful way deep down inside, you are fine knowing that you may or may not be exactly where you want to be and that’s ok. You are fine with the fact that life is and you realize there are options. You explore them and appreciate the best of everything. There is no ‘grass is greener’ because you know that you’ll take your joy with you wherever you go; whether it’s to the beach, to work, to the store, or to the most beautiful and peaceful place to perhaps make a second home, Virginia. And you are fine simply not knowing what your future holds, because you truly do know who holds it.

             I cried a little when I was there. I won’t lie. Ok, some of it was when I was laughing so hard from the inside of the gliding plane, but some of it was because I miss it so much, but I don’t have to miss it. The mountains, the creeks, the trees, the beauty of Virginia, the peace it brings me, and most especially the friendships aren’t going anywhere. Interstates. Awesome. Cell phones. Social Media. Amazing! So grateful I have the best of both worlds and that all roads do lead home. Whichever one that is.

Peacefully,

Becky 

October 9, 2014

*Susan and Lyn, thank you for being the most gracious hosts and best friends. Thank you for the dinners, the laughs, the thrills. Thank you for letting me watch the Auburn game. J I love you both so much!!

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