I'd be More Comfortable if...

"I'd be more comfortable if..."

How many times have we used this phrase preceding something we turned down or something we felt needed to be modified to our own relief?

Comfort. We like it, don't we? Of course we do! We like our little comfort zone as much as we like getting our way and having things turn out at our easiest convenience. Comfort.

I'm writing on this because those are the exact words I was typing yesterday when I was hit with the realization that I have recently been thrown out of my comfort zone so often that the word "comfort" no longer really fits into my vocabulary. I literally cracked a smile as I typed the phrase, stopped typing, and picked the phone up to call the person to whom I was responding. More on that in a minute.

My prayer for myself lately has been that God uses me for His will, to do what He needs me to do to get the word out on how gracious He is. My prayers have been more like discussions with God; letting Him know that I'm ready, all in, for whatever He has prepared for me. Boy, I didn't realize how out of my comfort zone He was going to push me! But you know what? It's kind of like riding a roller coaster. It's an electric awakening! I'm thrilled because I have no idea what to anticipate, but I know I'm fastened in by His promises. I always loved a good roller coaster ride, but they surely aren't comfortable.

About a year ago I was asked to do the announcements and lead a prayer for a couple of weeks in my church. Being raised much more conservatively, this was way out of my comfort zone, but I took the challenge. I stammered my way through the first time or two (do you have any idea how bright the lights are on the stage?!?!), but had more fun as the following times approached. It was awesome! I felt sorrier for the people in the congregation who saw me with a microphone and no agenda written down!

Being a first year school counselor this past year after many years of teaching elementary school, I found that there is no such thing as a comfort zone there anymore. I have to deal with DHR, confused, angry and scared students as well as parents and teachers. Staying within my comfort zone would surely mean short-changing some child or family who needed help and really, that makes my zone look pretty negligent and minute. People are hurting. There is no room for my zone.

Recently I have been asked to speak at a place that our church regularly speaks one night a month on Wednesday. That really isn't a big deal for a lot of people, but I felt the blood drain out of my face. I was fine when I thought my night would be later in the year but when it quickly was moved to much earlier I began to respond, "I would be more comfortable with..." That was when it hit me. There will never be a good time to be comfortable with these changes God is making in me. Change just isn't comfortable. Period. But it's so good to look back and see the growth.

You know, God never asks anything of us without equipping us with what we need. Never. So really, it's kind of exciting to get out of that old comfort zone. In fact I told my pastor yesterday that the old comfort zone is sort of like oatmeal to me now. I taste new things and it's deliciously exciting! I have no idea what God has in store for me. I have no idea what this roller coaster ride is going to be like. I do know that God has me. Comfortable? Not always! Equipped? You bet! Hands up! Here we go!

Becky W.

June 29, 2012

 

Letting Go

The Extra Penny

~Letting Go~



You can’t move forward until you let go of the past. We know this, right? So why is it so hard for some of us? I can rant on this because this is something that haunted me for a long, long time. If you have been anywhere near me in the last year or so, you know I have taken many amazingly large leaps of growth in this area, but this isn’t about that. This is about what we all have in common, the past, the present, and our future. If you are reading this, you have a present and hope for a future. Surely, you have a past.


We all have baggage, well, most of us do. I relate well to people who have been through stuff. I feel that we somehow connect. But not so long ago I realized that I was really, really tired of lugging all of that incredibly heavy baggage around. I don’t mean ‘lessons learned’, I keep those. They’re valuable. I mean the baggage. You know what I’m talking about. Letting the past be *who I am*. I am not what I have been through. It’s been said in many different ways, but our past is not who we are.

Recently I was asked “What did you learn from that relationship?” and it really made me realize that I like where I am. I LOVE where I am! I love that everything that I have been through in the past has brought me to so many new understandings. It’s easy to have pity parties and roll around in the muck of all the crap that has happened to us, but do we really want to live in muck? Would you want your child to live like that? Do you think God wants us to live like that? What’s really wonderful is when we can genuinely relate to others going through similar things we’ve been through. When we can show them hope that things really will be okay. Haven’t you had someone do that for you? I have, and even though I was sorry for the pain they had experienced, I was glad for their true empathy. Now, sometimes, I’m that person. You are too for someone, I bet. We all have some cruddy skeletons that fall out of our closet, or the demons of bad decisions but this doesn’t mean we give up, or lay down with them and die! I don’t believe in dishonoring my Father by giving up on His plan for me because of mistakes. He made me. He knew I would make mistakes. I’m forgiven. Done. Moving forward.



My point is this: God had something in mind for each of us to fulfill, therefore he created us uniquely and individually for these tasks. We weren’t born and then God said “Yeah, I think I can fit him in here some place.” We were created for a reason… and if you are still here, if you are still reading this you have a purpose. You have a future and God is not through with you. You have not yet lived up to your full potential yet. You aren’t done.



Holding on to the past gets really heavy, doesn’t it? Why do we think we have to ask God time and time again for forgiveness when after the first time He has no idea what we’re talking about? Why do we love to submerge ourselves in pity and regret when forgiveness and newness are already available? The chains can be off immediately, with the turn of the key that has already been purchased with the blood of our Savior! Is it easier to give up and live a life of ho-hum? I think for some it is, but that, to me is a sad, sad life and good enough is by no means good enough. If my child messes up, I expect him or her to keep right on going with life! I expect my kids to live each day to the fullest and not ‘quit life’ because a mistake was made. So why do we do that? For heaven’s sake that’s what we do when we lug our baggage around. We’re giving up on a fully loaded future. You can’t extend your hand to all that God has for you if you are holding tightly to the past.



I know, I did it for a while, but I’m not doing it anymore. Bring it God! Bless me and mine! The past is not who I am… God took it and made me better, stronger, wiser, and I thank Him for that. I’ll use those tools for what He has in store for me next. No room for heavy stuff on this journey. Just faith, hope, and lessons learned… and an extended hand, of course! Ok, two extended hands…God, bless me BIG so that I can bless others.



Becky Wilkenson

June 26, 2012

Let Me Explain

The Extra Penny

Let me explain....

You’re so vain; you probably think this blog is about you. I open with that because sooo many people have told me that I “explain too much”. I try to throw out too many explanations for why I feel the way I feel or say what I say. Keep reading, I ‘m not through. And by the way, this isn’t about you; I assure you, I have been told this by many, many people.



Talking to a friend of mine recently about why women feel a need to explain something they just said, or why they feel the way feel, or why they did something they just did, I realized I wasn’t alone at all. My friend blurted out “I do that all the time, too!” I was relieved. I do that. I have always done that. Now, it’s time to let you know why I do that and why other people don’t seem to have an appreciation for why.



Educators: If you are an educator you know the years of painstaking training you put forth for minimum pay and minimum respect. Me, too. I taught for many years before going back for my MSED in Counseling. When you are fluttering through the glittery colorful world of educational ….well, education, you have it gloriously beaten into your idealistic skull that everyone is auditory, visual, and/or kinesthetic in their learning and every combination thereof. You also learn to explain things in at least 1 way per student; for example 18 students, you explain things in 18 different ways. Here’s an example: Backtrack 22 years to student teaching; young eager teacher telling even younger more eager kindergarteners to write their ABC’s on a sheet of paper without looking (at the chart b/c they can’t cheat) but you fail to say the parenthetical part. Sooooo, one little boy continues to write terribly off line and horribly crooked. You give him 2 or 3 chances, and THEN you realize that he is writing *without looking* AT ALL!! His eyes are closed. He didn’t understand that the young eager teacher meant “Don’t look at the chart”, he thought she meant “Don’t look AT ALL”. And THAT my friends, was just the beginning of the “Let me explain myself” moments in her life.



So, a counselor friend of mine assures me, as we are discussing this, “But, Becky, this is what we do all day long”. We do. We counsel children. We have to explain things to them all day long. Right or wrong, good or bad, it’s what we have to do. God forbid you allow a kindergartener or even a fourth or fifth grader walk out of your office without understanding the discussion you just had. You explain things. You ask them to explain things. If you counsel people, talk things out, explain things, and make things clear, it’s part of your job. It’s part of who you are every day of every year. It isn’t intended to be demeaning and we don’t want to be demeaned for what we do. In fact, a friend of mine tonight told me he appreciated the candidness of being bold and forthright. Thank you!!!

So, to those friends (and there are many) who think we (and there are many of us) explain too much of ourselves… consider this: We spend our school days with a lot of kids who need things explained in detail, in many different ways. We have to ask THEM to explain things in many different ways. And we really are trying to make a difference by digging deep into people that matter to us. If we matter to you, let us explain ourselves to you and don’t assume, and don’t brush us off. And *you* explain to us, if we matter. I assure you, we have the training to read between the lines. No assumptions... you know what they say when you “assume”…



Ok, I’m finished explaining…. :)



Becky

June 12, 2012

Dining Alone on the Patio

The Extra Penny

Dining Alone on the Patio



As I’m writing this, I have only been home a few moments, but I took the long way home to write this in my mind. I have no problem dining alone, and actually cherish it at times. There are some local authentic restaurants that allow wonderful patio seating, people watching, great wine, and awesome service whether you are catching up with a friend, or nose deep in a tranquil read. This afternoon, I was nose deep.



So, as I walk in and ask for the patio, the hostess informs me that “Ok, but there are storms coming”. I replied with an “Okay.” She then impressed on me “I mean a downpour… in about an hour”. To which I again replied, “Okay”. So I sat outside. It was beautiful; the weather, the breeze, the clouds, my server (more on her in a minute).



Ordering my Angeline (Russian River, a friend would be so proud), I told my server that I was planning on having a glass of wine and reading for a while, she perked up mentioning how nice it would be on an afternoon like this to just chill like I am (I even kicked my flops off). I said “Well, I fear that people are letting the threat of the weather keep them from appreciating the patio and how beautiful it is out here”. I was right. I was the only one on the patio all evening. I read, had my wine, read some more, had an appetizer, watched people come and go and wondered why do our fears of what might happen keep us from enjoying what already is?? I am the chief of all sinners when it comes to this, but really, why do we let our fears keep us from doing what we want to? So what if the downpour came? I could have gone inside at that point, AND had a good story to tell and maybe an inner hearty chuckle… OR maybe I would have sat under the tiny awning and let it downpour all around me watching others make a run for their cars. Why are we so afraid? For two good hours no one sat outside in the breezy overcast evening for “fear of the weather”.



My server, with whom I am now on a first name basis, and who is magnificently coming into her own (I see me 22 years ago before I got terribly sidetracked) said “Becky, you missed the drama inside, be glad you were out here!” It seems a guy had three Mai Thais and threw up on his table. Glad I listened to my authentic self and sat outside to people watch, read, listen and just be.



BTW, the rains have still not started, but it’s getting ominous. Yea! We need rain. I’m glad the weather held off because I had the most awesome date with myself just being out and enjoying great food, wine, reading, and meeting someone new. I enjoyed reminding myself that we don’t have to be afraid of things that may and probably will never happen. I may have a new mantra.



What about you? What do you fear that may never happen? And what if it did? We usually handle things pretty well. I had a friend tell me once that I’m like a cat, always landing on my feet. But aren't we all? And while I don’t like cats, I like that analogy...AND I like dining on patios when the weather is ‘iffy’…

Just now, I hear the thunder… :) Bring it!



Becky W.

June 11, 2012

Blue Jays and Redbirds

The Extra Penny

Blue Jays and Redbirds


I have been rather contemplative over the last few months, okay, my life. Not a bad thing, but this morning I was watching the news for a few moments and realized that I didn’t like what was on. I didn’t want to hear anything on it, I didn’t want the noise. Period. I went out back as I often do early in the morning to have my quiet time, but I wasn’t really in my prayer/meditative state either. I just didn’t want to think, so I simply had my coffee and watched the birds. Quiet. Nature. Beautiful. For a moment…


The birds are fun to watch because they seem to know what they are doing. It amazes me because no one has to tell them what to do, they just know. As I watched a couple of redbirds and a Blue Jay in one of my willows I thought “How precious, they‘re going to play together”. Being an elementary educator and now counselor you just have that kind of simplistic hope, right? Not. Apparently birds are very territorial. Apparently, even though the Blue Jay had been in that tree morning after morning (I can vouch for it, I have seen it), the redbirds decided to become bullies. They were flying from one tree to the other fighting… pecking on the Blue Jays head! Yelling at it! At least I think they were yelling, I don’t speak bird, but they were loud! I wanted to yell at all of them and tell them to stop fighting. I wanted to scream “Why can’t you just play nice and all get along and share the willow tree?!?! It’s plenty big for all of you!?” But I realized, first of all, they are birds and would have no idea what I’m talking about. Secondly, they might peck my head. And thirdly, this is what God created them to do. They are acting how they are created to act in nature.


It made me think of how many times we want to yell at others “Why can’t you act the way I think you should act?” “Why can’t you do what I think you should be doing or what I would do if I were in that tree?” I don’t mean making allowances for evils or unkind ways; I mean simply letting others be who they were created to be. Were we not created differently on purpose? Were we not all hand –crafted by God for a reason because he loved us and saw a need that we all would fulfill? Why then do we want everyone to fit into our mold? I don’t mean we shouldn’t have certain expectancies on each other as far as kindness and of our friends and family; support, love, etc. I hope my close friends and family expect certain things from me because it lets me know that they believe in me. I am talking about putting rules and expectations on each other that are unreasonable simply because we think it will work in our tree.


So, with that, I let the birds duke it out. I don’t know who won because I needed to freshen my coffee and frankly, I figure the birds know what they are doing. Do we?


So, how did my morning of ‘not thinking’ go? I guess not well. You know, I have continually been told I think too much. Guess what, that’s how I am created. I love it. There’s a reason for it and if you try to change that about me, I’ll sic the redbirds on you.


Becky W.

June 7, 2012

Idealistic

The Extra Penny

I’m Idealistic

I’m idealistic. I have heard my whole life that I am idealistic. On the other hand, I have also been told “You think too much.” So maybe I’m grounded as well. I’m not really sure how one person can go from extreme to the other unless I am thinking a lot about being idealistic.

Anyway, I used to apologize for the trait of being idealistic. Now, I think I’ll say ‘thank-you’. It takes all types to make the world turn. I was always the kid that liked the rainbows, glitter, and unicorns. I believed in the unbelievable. I still do. On the other hand I can think a situation so deep that it almost ceases to exist anymore… like unicorns. I guess it’s not that different. Anyway, I’m idealistic and I’m glad that I am because I equate that with being positive. I have always seen the positive side of things, as long as I don’t dwell on them too terribly. I think that we do create our own fortune. I can choose to ‘idealize’ what I want or go with what everyone else seems to think should happen. I choose my own path.

If much has been learned over the years, it has been that I regret what I haven’t done. I regret what I have thought into oblivion and not acted upon. I wish I had just done more; acted more, and not cared about what anyone else thought (“You’re so idealistic”). I wanted to teach in Alaska for a while. I didn’t. I wanted to go overseas and do mission work with children. I haven’t (yet). I want to live on the water before I die (I’m not dead yet). My step-dad used to say I was part gypsy. That’s ok. I know I’m different. I want to live everywhere I visit… Lexington, KY, or Scotland here I come. Lol Seriously, Sometimes I wonder why we work so hard. I know, I know, ideals don’t pay bills, but really, why are we working so hard? I love what I do. I will continue to love what I do because I will never again do what I don’t love.

My point is, in the end, and I can ONLY speak for myself, I know that I won’t be thinking ‘Gee, I wish I had spent more time in school’ or ‘I wish I had gotten that third or fourth degree’…. FOR ME I will be thinking ‘Wow, it was worth those few months living on the water’, or ‘Those years teaching the children in _________’ were amazing!’ I get excited to see what God can do next. I am working at getting away from ‘thinking too much’ although as a single mom and counselor, that sort of comes with this territory. It takes all types and I’m grateful for those more ‘grounded’. We shouldn’t judge. Maybe we could even learn from each other. A little idealism might add a little color? And a little ‘thinking too much’ might ground us… hmmmmm Just some thoughts for the evening… I think I’ll get out my glitter pens and color J

Becky W.

May 22, 2012

First Impressions ~ Not so Much

The Extra Penny

First Impressions…Not so much

I am sitting on my back porch. Those of you who know me know what solitude it brings me. Those of you who have been there, know the conversations that have taken place… the laughter, the tears, the trust. I look around and it hits me that it is looking pretty pitiful now… my backyard. My kids’ play area is rather dilapidated. I have a back porch swing that is made of wood (now) that has seen better days. Then there is the dead weeping willow.

I was thinking that if you were a first time guest you would wonder why I have a dilapidated play area in my back yard. At first glance it is sad… paint chipping, railing and swings down, etc. But allow me a moment to tell you about its heart. It was built by my kids’ father’s own hand, from oak from my parents’ land. He carefully crafted each section, painted it, and hung each swing, climbing rope, etc. Before finally deciding to tear it down a couple of years ago, after every child in the neighborhood had played on it for YEARS, we gave it one more go… each child grabbed a paint brush and we freshened it up. But now, it’s tired and ready to retire. We have one slab the kids have begun to carve their name into. That’s for me to keep. On the surface, first impression, pitiful; at heart… memories beyond any mom’s wildest dream of kool-aid days and lightening bug nights.

Then there is the swing; given to me by my son for my 3rd Mother’s Day. I was VERY pregnant with my daughter and we all used it lovingly. The cushions wore and tore but the frame was fine, so the kids’ dad made slats from oak (from my parents’ land) and rebuilt the swing. It looks sad at this point but is very sturdy and we all still sit in it, on the porch and swing. On the surface, first impression, a little worn; at heart…memories of talks, naps, kids, tears and laughter.

The willows. I have two. We planted them soon after we moved here. They both thrived for years when a year or two ago I noticed one began to look a little spindly, for lack of better word. My mom is so precious and always giving me things to plant. Were it not for her, this would be a brick plantation. So one finally met its creator last year but stands stick tall very close to its lush green partner. I haven’t cut it down yet. It has been there for so long, it has seen dozens of mowings, hundreds of golf balls, softballs, baseballs, kids, footballs, and my dogs….heavens the dogs! On the surface, an eyesore; at heart…memories of branches in the face while mowing, marking off where our ‘pool will be one day’, bases while playing ball, and ‘thank goodness the tree caught the ball before it landed in Mr. Dan’s yard’.

So, come on over and sit on the swing and enjoy the solitude on my prized back porch. Just know what to expect. :)On the surface, we’re rough, pitiful, run down, and sad looking. If we all just look a little closer and get to know each other a little better, it’s pretty intriguing the stories that come with all the paint chips, warped wood and dead trees. In fact, I worry about anyone who has the picture perfect yard. First impressions… if you judge by them, you get what you see…for a short time. But get to know someone… it is SO worth the experience and lightening bug nights.

Becky Wilkenson
May 21, 2012