What I Choose

I assure you you won't have to hold your breath to read this. There is so much hate on social media right now that it absolutely breaks my heart and disgusts me with every fiber of my being. I have tried to avoid making any statements about things, but most of you know me and know keeping my mouth shut is darn near impossible, so here I go....

I did not choose to be born white. I did not choose to be born with blue eyes. I did not choose to be born to Neal and Mary Alice Douglas (I'm just one of the luckiest kids ever born to have them as my parents). I did not choose to be born in the richest, most beautiful country in the world. I did not choose to be 5'6". We won't talk about my choice in my weight or hair color at this point because this is my blog and I DO choose that much, okay?

We make choices every day but there are some we don't make. We are all clearly created differently. I'm glad. When kids come in to my office and talk about differences of any kind, I liken it to a box of crayons. How boring would it be if we wanted to color a picture and with excitement, opened a box of crayons and they were all the same? We were all created differently, on purpose, by Him, with love.

I choose what clothes I wear on a day to day basis, how to wear my hair, and what to eat. I really need to talk to myself about making better choices there, but how blessed are we that most of us live where we CAN choose these things? I choose to talk to my kids about things that are uncomfortable because I would rather us have an open forum than for them to be raised in 'ignorant' bliss, that isn't bliss at all. I choose what comes out of my mouth. Wait. I take that back. I USUALLY choose what comes out of my mouth. Sometimes I do have filter malfunctions and have to apologize or restate some things.

I have made some poor choices in my life. Really poor. I have hurt people with my actions and my words. But this is what I choose now. I choose to love people. I choose not to be a doormat to anyone, but I choose to REALLY love people. ALL people. I have learned that people who have been through hurt, hate, loss of spouses, children, freedom, and hope are the very people who have learned to fight for love and fight hard. I have learned that when we all step down off of our high horse (and I used to be on mine, too) we realize we're all just bumbling around down here trying figure this all out, the best we can, with the people we love.

When my son was little he was trying to describe a child in his class. He couldn't quiet figure out how to explain him to me. He finally said that his skin was kind of dark. Brown. I realized my kids really hadn't distinguished 'black' and 'white'. I was glad. I don't want them seeing people as a color, a race, straight, or homosexual. I want my children to see people as human. Human beings with hearts. I want them to love and love big.

I don't identify with liberal or conservative. I don't like political talk. What I do like is when we stop talking hate and start talking love. Positive. I realize there are bad things and bad people. But isn't it time we take ourselves out of the judgment seat? I'm not sure why we feel if we disagree on things it means we have to hate and to hurt. I choose not to engage in the craziness of what I'm seeing on social media. I choose to love my friends, all of them. If I read correctly, Christ died for us. All of us. He chose me. I choose to love and be grateful. It's easier and helps my blood pressure stay down. And now I choose to go get more coffee.

Choosing Love,
Becky
June 27, 2015

"Just" Sayin'

My friend Joe unknowingly gave me a better title for this :)

It amazes me the times that these postings come to my mind; while I'm driving with my roof open, cleaning my house, brushing, flossing. You never know....This one has been whirring around for a while, but I really feel compelled to write about it tonight.

How often do we pray or ask or make a request while using the word "just"? For example: Just let me get through the week. Just let my kids get through this school year! Just let me pass this exam. Just let me find someone kind. Just don't let me kill him! Just.  Just. Just.

Just is such a limiting word. It wasn't that long ago that I was praying and I used the stale and highly-overused word "just". The sound of it in my mind for some reason really stung that day. I won't say what it was about, but I really had to pause and ask myself, "Is that really all you want? Just that? What if that's all you're given?" I had sort of an epiphany on that 4-letter word that day.

Just. I realize we say it all the time and it has become all too common for us to say things like, "Lord, just get me to the weekend!" (and I have NOT said that 45 times this week. Not. Me. Have not.) But I'm talking about when we seriously ask for things. Especially when we ask God for things.

I'm not God. (Pausing for whatever reaction you may have) Seriously, I wonder what reaction the creator of the universe has when we put the "just" limits on Him. Think about it. God scatters the incredibly beautiful stars. He causes the sun to rise and set daily. He breathes life into nature in such a way that we ourselves are nearly breathless and we "just" want to make a passing grade in biology?!!? Just? Just let me be on time... Just let me arrive safely... Just... What is supposed to happen after the Just???

Here's something a little closer to home.... I grew and gave birth to two amazing children whom I absolutely adore. I can not imagine my life without them. If they came to me and said, "Ya know, Mom, I just need some food and a little water to survive,...I'll figure out the rest. Oh, and I just need a blanket 'cause it's 23 degrees, that's all. Just a blanket..." I can't even fathom that situation and neither can you! Our God, our creator is so passionately in love with us that for us to want "just" must seriously be a tad of a sting to Him. Just? Really?

For a long time now I have tried to rid "just" from my vocabulary when I talk to God about what I want. He already knows what I need and want as well. Why hold back? He is the provider of all providers! I don't for one second think I deserve anything. His grace and love provide in my shortcomings. But He craves for me and you to come to Him with our wants and desires. "Just" doesn't seem to cut it when talking to the One who scattered the stars.

My challenge to you is to think of yourself as better than Just. You don't deserve Just anyone. You don't deserve Just any job. You don't deserve Just anything. Be specific. Ask God for BIG! Take the limits off your expectations of God. Not because you or I deserve His goodness, so to speak, but because that's what parents do for their children. And thank Him for being more than Just. You aren't Just anyone. He isn't Just any God. Don't settle for Just anything. I challenge you to get rid of "Just". It's just a 4-letter word anyway!

Not Just anyone,
Someone,
Becky
April 8, 2015

Stilettos, running shoes, and cowboy boots...

So we've been getting our home ready to put on the market. Easy enough, right? WRONG! It sounds easy enough until you realize you haven't thrown away anything since your kids were big enough to scribble their name with a big fat Crayola! The fun part comes when you get to the staging part. Staging? Who in the world came up with this? Well, now there are professional stagers. Yes. Really. I want that job. Seriously. Where do I sign on? Let's see... I would go to someone else's house and tell them how it would look best in order to sell quickly. Yep! I like that job idea! Sign me up!

My stager came last week. She was nice and all adorable-like as you would expect stagers to be. I imagined her house to be perfectly Southern Living photographable at all times. Nevertheless she gave me some awesome tips on staging my home that would only cost me every last bit of my energy, patience, and a few $...Oh, and all of my garage space to store everything that I own.

Staging. Cleaning. Boxing. There is a time in this process that you are absolutely ecstatic! You can't get boxes and clean out drawers and rooms fast enough. However, you should be warned this feeling begins to fade and you find "yourself" amidst everything you are staging.

As my sweet daughter Mary helped me clean out my closet we had to laugh at the variety of shoes I own. Now, I haven't had a new pair of shoes in a while (ok, I did get a new pair recently in Knoxville, but they are *awesome* and were on sale...) While in my closet packing up my winter clothes, shoes, etc I decided to do some serious donating. Then I did some serious evaluating. I realized I have leopard print pumps, black stilettos, 5" wedges (red, black,  and one pair that are red, white &blue), cowboy boots, a few pair of running shoes, flip flops, and dark blue Converse (Chucks) with no laces. I also have some awesome Ugg slippers; a gift from Mom. Love em! Some serious variety. Serious. Variety. Btw, Mary voluntarily threw a pair of clogs (complete with embroidered flowers on them, my hippie shoes) in the 'donate' box. Hmmm.

I remember when I lived in VA telling someone that clothes were like costumes, we dress how we feel. I still sort of feel that way, but it's deeper than that. Really, Beck? You're going deep? Wow, how unlike you. I know... but bear with me.

My point is this: Sometimes I feel black stiletto. I occasionally enjoy the pretty cocktail feel in a social situation. Sometimes it's a good ol' running shoe to get me moving and ease the stress of what's going on. You can't beat the cowboy boots just because they're rockin' awesome and you can get 'em dirty and I really do love to ride horses (it's been WAY too long... anyone got a horse??)  My Saturday "uniform" is a black linen shirt, blue jeans, and my chucks. Seriously.

I think there are so many facets to all of us. We have so many sides, real sides that we truly want to show and have appreciated, not staged. We want someone to love every boot, every stiletto, every flip flop, every running shoe part of who we are. We ALL want someone to appreciate all of our facets, don't we? Am I wrong here? We're staging our house. Do we stage our lives? And why? Why do we stage our lives? It sucks. It really does. I don't want to do that. I want real. I want an open closet here.

I want someone to walk into my closet, into my life, and say, "Wow! What a multi-faceted gal! I want to know her!" It's not so bad. I'm just real. I'm just boots and heels, and flip-flops... but mostly barefoot really...  Like everyone else I want to be appreciated for everything in between. I love diversity in others. I love quirks. I love seeing all facets of people. I think if we're all honest most of us appreciate the real parts of those close to us, when we get past the staging part. That is, when we realize staging is just that, staging. Not real. Staging is just to get someone to buy in. Life is too short to stage who we are. I wanna be home to those who know me. Real. Comfortable. Home.

I don't think I'm alone. No staging in life. Just real. Just able to breathe... finally. By the way the chucks didn't make the pix. They are in the wash.... :)

Boots and heels,
But mostly barefoot,
Becky

I'll text you, Baby!

"I'll text you, Baby" Now, THESE are things relationships are built on. Not really. Or maybe. I personally don't think so.

I was up at the crack of dawn this morning...no, actually, before that, as I always am, scrolling through Twitter to catch up on anything earth shattering that I may have missed over the last couple of days. If you don't follow The Single Woman (Mandy Hale) then shame on you! She's a very talented writer and all around encouraging, intelligent, and funny to boot!

Reading some posts about dating issues and modern day technology, I came across a few words that are becoming more and more common, like serial texting, chatting, IMing, etc. Now, I realize we are indeed in a world of easy communication where texting, IM'ing, emailing, etc. are quick and reliable ways of getting someone's attention and responses. I use them all the time as well, but there can be so many blips in these communications when it comes to relationships.

You may be thinking that I am the last person to give relationship advice and you may be right. You may think it's like someone with no kids giving parenting advice. But I do have kids. I have had relationships. Sometimes one has to take the view from what *doesn't* work, right? Bear with me...I have been divorced for nearly 10 years. In this time there have been a couple of semi-relationships. You still here? I can be objective on this and I probably won't say anything you haven't thought about, experienced, or said yourself. This is just my way of venting. Here goes...

I have dated serial texters. We have to admit there is something really groovy (ok, I'm not the most up to date gal around, I get it) about getting a text in the middle of the day and you know you're on someone's mind. When someone can take the time to text you all night, however, wouldn't a phone call be nice? You can pause your TV these days...wouldn't you want to hear someone's voice and get their tone? That's one thing that is SO lost in a text or an email, someone's tone. How many problems has THIS caused in your communication with someone? 

Oh so many of my messages fail...

You know what I'm talking about. When you have to clean up your text mess by calling the person and saying, "I was totally being sarcastic, I'm so sorry!" Oh, you haven't had to do that? Just me? Right.

I doubt seriously when someone we love goes on to Gloryland we're going to be saying, "I really miss the look of their text on my phone". No! We're going to miss their face, their voice, their time.

Media and texts sure make things easier, but they are not a replacement for a relationship. I remember breaking things off with someone once telling him while I appreciate the time we had texting, I didn't need a relationship with my phone. My phone and I were all good. Seriously. I do believe the convenience of modern day technology allows for lots of relationships at once; group texts, several dating scenarios at once, flirting, etc. But are these really relationships at all? I don't think so. 

I have been single long enough to know, as those who know me clearly see that I am not a needy person. I am a wanty person. I don't need to talk on the phone all night nor do I need to see someone every night if we are courting (I'll get back to that in a minute). But I appreciate time with people. I appreciate time alone as well. Yes, this may be part of my 5 Love Languages, but I also think this is an art we as a society are losing. Time. Social grace. Real, true conversation. Having coffee and real laughter that isn't typed as LOL (are you REALLY laughing when you type that? Probably not).

Courting. I introduced that word to my kids recently. They chuckled. I don't know exactly what courting was back in the day, but I explained it that gentleman treated ladies like ladies and ladies acted like ladies. Couples would spend quality time together without each of them being on some sort of cellular device. Like together-together in the same space, not face chatting or snap chatting or whatever other chat is the thing these days. Couples would enjoy each others' company in real life. Anymore it seems couples just hang out or hook up after texting a time and place. How romantic. To make it even more romantic they use a series of numbers and letters to abbreviate that even some Federal Agents can't decipher. Believe it or not, I'm actually old fashioned which may explain my long time singleness. I want someone to want to spend time, real time (not ALL the time). It just escapes me how you can possibly have any kind of relationship with someone you never spend time with (I ended that with 'with' and it'll drive my sister crazy, so I'm gonna leave it). 

My son... I'm in his space :)

To say that technology doesn't make things better would be ridiculous. I use it all the time. Sometimes I'll put my iPad down and immediately pick my phone up and go to the exact same site *just* in case Pinterest changed betwixt the two devices. I text my friends, my family, my kids sometimes. I am happy to say we all also use the phone to really hear each others' voices and we take time to see each others' faces and spend time in each others' spaces. But if you really care about someone, really, take time with them. Call them. See them. Have coffee with them. Laugh with them really, out loud, in their space. 
I have heard that if people really want you in their lives, you will know. But for heaven's sake, what if you don't get that text???

My daughter and me... we really do laugh a lot!

When all is said and done, you're text characters look like everyone else's on a screen. But you, you are one of a kind. You are important enough to share your real true self with someone and others are important enough to really get to know. And if you disagree with this, that's fine. You can text me. 

Not really LOL'ing but :)
Becky
March 26, 2015

My "Dreaded" Valentine

He was cool looking; dreads, rocked out jeans that hung a little too low for my taste, but he was confident nonetheless. That is until I almost ran over him at the gas station. I was pulling into the MapCo when this nice looking young man was about to step across in front of me and walk inside. I could tell I foiled his plan by the look on his face and the tiny bit of eye-roll as he pivoted and went behind my car. He went in and paid. I parked, got out, and began to pump the gas in my car.

I had made up my mind to say something when the young man came out. There was something about the situation that I wanted to change. I was there in my boots and scarf driving my clean mommy car... suburbia. With all the tension in the world on so many levels, I didn't want to be a stereotype. I feel privileged to live in an area where people are for the most part very kind, considerate, and helpful.

As I was pumping my gas I looked up at 'young man' and simply said "I'm sorry I didn't see you about to cross. I would have stopped." He looked up at me half-surprised and smiled. "Oh, no. It was my fault. I didn't look up. It's all good." He replied. I think he said something it being a beautiful day but I wasn't sure so I didn't reply as I was putting the gas thingie back up. I hopped in my car and said to him, "Have a great day!" to which he said, "Yes, ma'am! You, too! And Happy Valentine's Day!" I said, "Oh yeah! You too! Thanks!"

It was that simple. It may seem so simple that you may not find it blog worthy but I will tell you that young man made my day! He wished me, the crazy white woman who almost hit him a Happy Valentine's Day. I had almost forgotten it WAS Valentine's Day. He was polite, harmless and it was a simple exchange. What felt a little tense at first ended up making my heart so happy.

We were just two people from totally different backgrounds headed in different directions and we had a simple exchange. I'm sure it sounds silly, but if I hadn't said anything, what might he have thought about me? Or I him even? It just makes me realize that there are so many times that when we TAKE the opportunity to have a simple, kind exchange barriers come down, bridges are crossed, and life becomes a little easier. The situation was an opportunity today. I don't always know what God is doing when He presents them to me, but I know that when my heart prompts me to act on something, I feel it and it feels good.

Happy Valentine's Day, by the way, in case you didn't realize it's today

Becky

Use the Crystal...

            Preparing for things is definitely not my strong suit. When I went in to be induced for my first child I poked my head out of the bathroom door and asked the nurse if I should remove ALL of my clothing before putting on the hospital gown. Yes. Really. I had no idea what to expect. I do prepare for some things to some extent but for the most part my ADHD brain looks at the big picture, thinks it’s a great idea, then realizes there a lot of small steps to take to get there and totally checks out. This is kind of funny because I am a detail person in that I notice details to an almost scary degree, but doing them myself to get to the big picture, well, I sometimes forget about those things.

            I have been toying with getting my house on the market soon. Do you realize there are things you need to do to prepare your home for this? Well, apparently you don’t just plop a “For Sale” sign in the yard. I really do want to put my home’s best shingle forward so I’m doing what I can to give it a little face lift. What’s wrong with this? Nothing… if you are a detail kind of person. When you are a person like me you are awaiting the home make-over fairy to come in at night and make it magically deliciously clean and appealing. Hasn’t happened. So… I called Roger.

            Roger is a painter and is highly recommended by the other Douglas sisters. If I can trust anyone it’s the other Douglas sisters. Roger is fantabulous and scours my home and gives me a more-than-fair estimate of a total re-paint of my walls (inside) because we both realize that somewhere in the thirteen years I have lived here, I must have had the insatiable desire to live in a patchwork quilt. With wall colors varying from room to room we decide to prepare my home by easing the eyes of anyone who may want to view this attraction with color continuity.

            Being on a high from taking the first big step in getting my home ready, I decided to begin packing my china cabinet. This would do a couple of things; allow us to move it more easily when time comes for Roger to paint and remind me what is in the china cabinet that is so important that it actually takes up space in the china cabinet.

            As I was preparing the dining area for its upcoming make-over I wasn’t prepared for the emotional ride I was about to take. For thirteen years, no actually for more than twenty years I have seen Royal Dalton in my china cabinet. The set was never completed but it was beautiful. Then there is the Christmas china, only a few pieces, but it beckoned to me as I took it off the shelf and held it in my hands. I wrapped so gently the tea cups and almost apologetically placed them in a box. I have this strange knack for feeling sorry for inanimate objects. This was one of the times I was feeling this way. I wanted to tell these precious china dishes how badly I felt that they had never been used. I looked at and held Mary Abbott’s nesting dolls from… Romania maybe? I don’t remember, my mom got them for her. There were several things from other countries that Mom had brought us, crystal, and a painted giraffe that Mary had painted when she was very young.

            I wasn’t prepared to burst into tears when I wrapped the newspaper around the china and place it in the box. I wasn’t prepared to think to myself that the only times I had touched these fine, beautiful dishes was when I had wrapped them up, or unwrapped them, or occasionally cleaned them and put them back in the cabinet. I wasn’t prepared to go back down memory lane and wonder why on earth we have these beautiful things we never, ever use?

            As newly-engaged star struck lovers we put so much time and effort into picking out the perfect pattern, the perfect settings, the perfect silver, crystal, linens. We place it beautifully in a cabinet and walk by it every day for years.  Waiting. For what?

            I realize many years ago women used fine china and silver more often than now, but why are waiting? Why are we waiting for a better and more special time to use our Grandmother’s apple dishes? Why are we waiting to use the special china or crystal? What are we waiting for? I know it sounds trite but for heaven’s sake what if that special day never comes? I have no big days ahead of me. I am not planning a big event; no big dates, no weddings, no dinner parties. But tonight I decided to break out the crystal. Ok, I did break one ornament but that was by accident.

            I broke out the Waterford. For myself. Because every day that I’m here is pretty special and I don’t see a reason to wait anymore. I registered for these beautiful pieces of china, crystal, etc years ago with high hopes and waited. No more being sad for what I haven’t used. No more wondering why I have unused china.  Granny would love that I am using her apple dishes. I think the coffee will taste better in that anyway.

            No more waiting for something special. Use the crystal. Use the china. Break out everything wonderful that you have been saving for that special day. Make today (or tonight) that special day! Aren’t you worth the Waterford?

Becky Wilkenson

February 3, 2015

2014 Reflection (Because I Don't Make Resolutions!)

            So what’s been different this year? With the New Year at my fingertips I gingerly turn back the pages of my year to see what, if anything is actually different. It’s no secret I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. I don’t see the point of disappointing myself more than usual. Why promise to do things or not do things? I sort of let things happen, strive for things. I certainly don’t want to wait an entire year to try to do better or make a serious to-do list. But what is different now than last year?  Let’s see…. I let my hair grow out quite a bit and I’m wearing it natural, more wavy. I figure we gals have spent WAY too much time styling our hair. YEARS! YEARS we have spent styling our hair to do unnatural things and our hair, our poor hair has had no voice of its own to protest (though if you look back through yearbooks you will see there, on those pages, are indeed protests). I weigh pretty much the same as I did a year ago, though I was probably in better shape then. I have a different cable carrier. Viola! Life changing event! Ok, not really. Same car, same house, same job, same kids (though there were a few times I seriously considered a trade on one or both). So what really changed? What’s new? What big enlightenment did Becky encounter this year?

           

            I stood on the back porch tonight and kind of chuckled at the whole New Year’s Eve thing. I like it, don’t get me wrong. I like new things; fresh starts. I like a full tank of gas and a fresh book of stamps (yes, I still mail things, don’t judge me). I always felt like with a full tank of gas or a fresh book of stamps you could do pretty much anything. I don’t know why I felt that way, but I developed that attitude when I was at Auburn and pathetically homesick. I could mail letters to my mom or come home if necessary. Poor me. That’s another blog for another time and yes, Mom, I’m still sorry about a lot of that. Moving on here…

            As I looked to the winter sky (winter evening skies are the prettiest) I asked myself what was so different this year. This is where I have to admit that I sometimes hear things. Not like those people who walk around with full shopping carts that aren’t anywhere near a store, talking to themselves. It’s more like a very still, small voice that hits me. I like to think of this as me FINALLY getting quiet enough that God’s voice actually gets through my thick skull and I hear what He wants me to instead of all the monkey chatter that has accompanied me since birth. Mom used to say to me “Five minutes, Becky, please, just five minutes” and I think I know why. Ok, for starters, bless her, she really needed the peace and quiet, but she probably knew that one day I needed to be quiet enough to hear things, besides my own voice, that would help direct me, guide me. Maybe or maybe not but that sounded really good so I’m leaving it in here.

            “You have changed”. I was a little taken aback because this isn’t something I would normally tell myself but being that I was hearing it loud and clear I decided to cut myself some slack and look at the ways this past year has grown me.

            I HAVE changed. People often think that others don’t change. I disagree. I think if we are smart we are seeking to grow, to change, to be better, stronger, smarter. Sometimes we change on purpose. Sometimes change finds us because it is, quite simply, time.

            I have made a lot of mistakes over the past year.  I am here, raw and ready to admit it. That’s all I’m going to say about that, so don’t get your hopes up that I’m going into full confession mode. Ha. No way! But I have learned a lot about who I am. I learned that I really love what it has taken for me to get to this shaky, unknowing, vulnerable, scary place in my life. Now, you may be wondering why I am not describing my place as more sound, stable, and knowing. Because when you learn more about who you are and where you are you realize that nothing is totally stable, sound, and for heaven’s sake, you know nothing! Seriously! Remember what a great parent you were before you had kids? Hahahhaha Exactly! Those silly kids forgot to show up with their owner’s manual and we have had to wing it from day one! The very person who swore they would never bribe their kids now passes out freeze pops to her kids and their friends if they will simply wipe down the window sills.

So how am I different? I have learned that while I may know little about what may or may not happen in life, I do know how I react to things is the cornerstone for my own happiness. I have learned the happiness of others is not my responsibility and none of us owe excuses, explanations, or apologies for who we are or for our own values, thoughts, opinions, or beliefs. I have realized that engaging in any conversation with some people is like feeding a cat. Sometimes people are looking (as a friend of mine said today) to pick a fight, argument, or for someone to be mad at. I won’t engage. I am taking small baby steps to get where I want to be. The big picture has been looking too big and scary but I finally began taking small baby steps and it has felt empowering, albeit a little scary. There is something liberating when you realize how paralyzing fear has been.

            When did we become afraid to try new things? As kids we, or my sisters and I did most anything. We were ridiculously unafraid of fear if that makes sense. In fact we didn’t have enough sense to be afraid of the things we should! Rolling off the roof onto lawn cushions? Sure! Sign me up! Nothing could possibly go wrong with that! Skateboarding down the neighbor’s steep driveway out into the street while our designated “watcher” made sure a car wasn’t coming? No fear! Invincible! Fast forward 30, ok fine 35 years later and I’m having semi-panic attacks at the thought of writing a book or packing boxes to store in hopes of selling a home. I realize these are big people things, but really? In the grand scheme of life, we are healthy, happy, and so what if I fail? I’m right back here where I am right now… happily clicking away on my trusty laptop.

            So what has changed? Not much, except me… in a lot of ways. So I guess that is much. Maybe we shouldn’t put so much pressure on ourselves to change. It seems that if we listen to life (five minutes, please, five minutes) and pay attention to all the lessons out there for us to learn we will have plenty of resolutions that take care of themselves without us setting ourselves up for disappointment. And change? Like it or not you probably will. And this next year will be different. How different and what kind of different is up to you.

Happy New Year!

Resolution-Free,

Becky

December 31, 2014