What are You Worth?

What are you worth? Are you worth what’s in your bank account? Your 401K? Are you worth the sum of everything you've ever been told about yourself? I feel like sharing this because I think so many people, especially young ladies and women for some reason, are afraid of knowing their value, their worth.

           

Some time ago I wrote about being so much more than a number; a number on a scale, a social security number, a bank account number, a test score, etc. You get the point. We are so much more. Deep down in our core I truly believe we are so much more, but why are so many of us afraid of accepting that? Or at least afraid to acknowledge it?

           

Being raised in the south (insert a “woohoo!”) I was raised very proper. I was raised to deflect and brush off too many compliments lest I look vain. Most people do. Unfortunately this often comes across as being self-debasing, devaluing, and unloving. Recently I had a conversation with someone that began with me saying , “Don’t doubt for one second that I know my worth, my value…” and it felt really good to say but I want to say to my daughter, my son, my sweet young thing I am so humbly mentoring, and everyone else who has a hard time being able to see your worth, what it means and what it does not.

           

When you know what you are worth, your value, you know that you were created like no other human being on the entire planet. You know that you deserve to be respected for your mind, your race, your religious and spiritual beliefs, your flaws, your sense of humor as quirky as it may be, and what makes you tick. When you know your worth you value yourself; you value your body and take care of it and expect others to value it as well. You take care of yourself and put yourself together; not because of what others will think, but because it makes you feel good.

           

I read a quote the other day that tickled me, “Never go out in sweats because you may run into an ex or an enemy”. I do believe in putting yourself together for a few reasons, 1) I never want my children or my significant other to be embarrassed of me 2) I may run into my past 3) I may run into a future 4) A little lip gloss and cute shoes can go a long way in making a girl feel really awesome!

           

Anyway, back to our worth…  When you know your worth you don’t allow others to treat you like an option. You keep your head high in the face of adversity, but also allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, and hurt because being human is how we were created. Abusing or using others is never ok, however because you see the value in others and respect that as well.

                       

Knowing that you have value and great worth never means that you are better than anyone. It only means that you know your own story, have walked your own journey, cried your own tears, and awakened to the sound of your own laughter to learn that you are beautiful and you see the beauty in others and want to learn about their journey as well. It is loving differences, diversity, and seeing the hope where others see hopelessness.  I truly believe that when you learn who you are and see yourself for what God has created you, well, first of all you see that He has a serious sense of humor, but you also see others as His as well. You see everyone and everything as being “on purpose” and nothing as a mistake or coincidence.

            When you truly come into yourself you have a gate instead of walls. You lovingly let people into your lives and if they don’t value you for who you are, you lovingly let them leave.  And sometimes you realize you have made the mistake of not valuing others as well and you realize you still have a lot to learn, which is what makes this all so beautiful. Isn't all of life a process?

            So, if someone compliments you for your clothes, hair, shoes, say “Thank you” and then hush (by the way that’s a great way to learn how to accept compliments).  You don’t have to tell them that you got them at a bargain basement sale or argue that you would look better but “oh, for the humidity!” You know your worth. You were created like no other. And as my son reminded me not too long ago, “Mom, He knows how many hairs are on your head. You were created on purpose”. YOU were created on purpose. Your worth? When you know it, realize it, cherish it, and live it, others will see it in you as well. Make sure you see theirs.

On purpose,

Becky

June 29, 2014

Happy Father's Day, Mom!

            Wow! Has it really been over three months since I posted a writing? I write in my head all of the time! Probably a good thing all of that doesn't come out on the keyboard. Nonetheless, with Father’s Day upon us I have been thinking about a realization that hit me a few years ago; I had no one for whom to buy a Father’s Day gift. My father passed away years ago, as did my step-dad, and I was divorced. I did have the kids get their dad Father’s Day gifts, but that was different. It was strange. Not sad as much as it was just strange.

            Today is the anniversary of the day my dad passed away. I’m not sad really. It happened 38 years ago. Of course I miss him and think about him often, but with Father’s Day on Sunday, I wanted to say Happy Father’s Day… to Mom. I have been a single mom for 9 years now and although my kids’ father is still very much in the picture and we are very amicable with one another, my mom didn't have the same luxury of having the help I do. I am not making this a sad post, so don’t grab your tissue box just yet. I just realize that in those years of raising us alone, my mom truly was our mom and dad, and I am here to tell you that that is probably harder than anything else in the world you can be.

            So, why am I writing this and posting it instead of quietly calling and thanking her? For a couple of reasons. 1) If you know me, you know I would snot cry through the entire conversation with my mother, warranting her to ask me, “Are the kids with you?” actually meaning “Are you about to go postal and do I need to get over there?” and 2) Because if you had a single parent for any amount of time, you need to realize that the double duty they served was a far cry from easy, painless, and thoughtless.

So, Mom, I realize now that there was never, ever a night that you slept soundly after Dad died. I realize that you worried about everything from the shape the house was in; to the food we ate, to our relationships at school. I know the very person you wanted to talk to about everything in the world was gone. I know that you threw yourself into helping other people because you knew that was the way you could cope with the heart-break of losing your best friend. I saw you love bigger and deeper than you realize you probably could ever love and it prepared me to do the same, if I ever needed to. And I did. And I do. I watched you sit back and let us learn our own lessons, as painful as they were, while I’m sure you wish you had someone to talk to, someone to back you up. You did an amazing job with us. You taught us to be independent, strong, educated women because “You never know when you might have to support yourself” and we all have had to. And we all can. Thank you. You said you might have to break the knee caps off the love of my life…. Thank goodness you didn't and probably wouldn't have, but that’s what a dad does. It was funny and we laughed, but thank you for making us laugh even when our hearts were breaking. You picked your battles with us helping us learn that not everything in life is life or death. We watched you decide to pick yourself up and travel the world, teaching us that we do not, absolutely do not lie down and die in bitterness and dread when life doesn't turn out the way we planned (and it never really does).

In all of the things I watched over the years of you being our mom and dad, I learned and little did I know, prepared to be the same to my own. My situation is a bit different. I don’t know if it’s better or worse being single by choice or not, but I know this: you made me a better mom, dad, person because you had a strength unequaled. You are one of the tiniest women I know, but your grace, your love, your determination are admired by all… especially me. I know that I can never come close to being what you are, but I thank you for the lessons you have taught me, especially the ones you weren't even aware.

While Dad made his mark here on this big beautiful earth, don’t ever doubt that you have made, and continue to make things beautiful everywhere you go. You touch souls and hearts. You create laughter and fun (you can thank me later for not inserting all the stories about the trips in here… or maybe that’s another blog!).

So, Mom… thank you. And Happy Father’s Day! I love you more than you know!

The middle one J

Becky

AKA BeckBug