I'll text you, Baby!

"I'll text you, Baby" Now, THESE are things relationships are built on. Not really. Or maybe. I personally don't think so.

I was up at the crack of dawn this morning...no, actually, before that, as I always am, scrolling through Twitter to catch up on anything earth shattering that I may have missed over the last couple of days. If you don't follow The Single Woman (Mandy Hale) then shame on you! She's a very talented writer and all around encouraging, intelligent, and funny to boot!

Reading some posts about dating issues and modern day technology, I came across a few words that are becoming more and more common, like serial texting, chatting, IMing, etc. Now, I realize we are indeed in a world of easy communication where texting, IM'ing, emailing, etc. are quick and reliable ways of getting someone's attention and responses. I use them all the time as well, but there can be so many blips in these communications when it comes to relationships.

You may be thinking that I am the last person to give relationship advice and you may be right. You may think it's like someone with no kids giving parenting advice. But I do have kids. I have had relationships. Sometimes one has to take the view from what *doesn't* work, right? Bear with me...I have been divorced for nearly 10 years. In this time there have been a couple of semi-relationships. You still here? I can be objective on this and I probably won't say anything you haven't thought about, experienced, or said yourself. This is just my way of venting. Here goes...

I have dated serial texters. We have to admit there is something really groovy (ok, I'm not the most up to date gal around, I get it) about getting a text in the middle of the day and you know you're on someone's mind. When someone can take the time to text you all night, however, wouldn't a phone call be nice? You can pause your TV these days...wouldn't you want to hear someone's voice and get their tone? That's one thing that is SO lost in a text or an email, someone's tone. How many problems has THIS caused in your communication with someone? 

Oh so many of my messages fail...

You know what I'm talking about. When you have to clean up your text mess by calling the person and saying, "I was totally being sarcastic, I'm so sorry!" Oh, you haven't had to do that? Just me? Right.

I doubt seriously when someone we love goes on to Gloryland we're going to be saying, "I really miss the look of their text on my phone". No! We're going to miss their face, their voice, their time.

Media and texts sure make things easier, but they are not a replacement for a relationship. I remember breaking things off with someone once telling him while I appreciate the time we had texting, I didn't need a relationship with my phone. My phone and I were all good. Seriously. I do believe the convenience of modern day technology allows for lots of relationships at once; group texts, several dating scenarios at once, flirting, etc. But are these really relationships at all? I don't think so. 

I have been single long enough to know, as those who know me clearly see that I am not a needy person. I am a wanty person. I don't need to talk on the phone all night nor do I need to see someone every night if we are courting (I'll get back to that in a minute). But I appreciate time with people. I appreciate time alone as well. Yes, this may be part of my 5 Love Languages, but I also think this is an art we as a society are losing. Time. Social grace. Real, true conversation. Having coffee and real laughter that isn't typed as LOL (are you REALLY laughing when you type that? Probably not).

Courting. I introduced that word to my kids recently. They chuckled. I don't know exactly what courting was back in the day, but I explained it that gentleman treated ladies like ladies and ladies acted like ladies. Couples would spend quality time together without each of them being on some sort of cellular device. Like together-together in the same space, not face chatting or snap chatting or whatever other chat is the thing these days. Couples would enjoy each others' company in real life. Anymore it seems couples just hang out or hook up after texting a time and place. How romantic. To make it even more romantic they use a series of numbers and letters to abbreviate that even some Federal Agents can't decipher. Believe it or not, I'm actually old fashioned which may explain my long time singleness. I want someone to want to spend time, real time (not ALL the time). It just escapes me how you can possibly have any kind of relationship with someone you never spend time with (I ended that with 'with' and it'll drive my sister crazy, so I'm gonna leave it). 

My son... I'm in his space :)

To say that technology doesn't make things better would be ridiculous. I use it all the time. Sometimes I'll put my iPad down and immediately pick my phone up and go to the exact same site *just* in case Pinterest changed betwixt the two devices. I text my friends, my family, my kids sometimes. I am happy to say we all also use the phone to really hear each others' voices and we take time to see each others' faces and spend time in each others' spaces. But if you really care about someone, really, take time with them. Call them. See them. Have coffee with them. Laugh with them really, out loud, in their space. 
I have heard that if people really want you in their lives, you will know. But for heaven's sake, what if you don't get that text???

My daughter and me... we really do laugh a lot!

When all is said and done, you're text characters look like everyone else's on a screen. But you, you are one of a kind. You are important enough to share your real true self with someone and others are important enough to really get to know. And if you disagree with this, that's fine. You can text me. 

Not really LOL'ing but :)
Becky
March 26, 2015