Deep Thoughts in 25.3 seconds

So I had some seriously deep thoughts this weekend in about 25.3 seconds. I thought I would share them with you in case you like to take your weekends off from thinking.  Lucky you! I did the work for you! You’re welcome.

So I was thinking over the last few days that I wish life was fair. Not too deep, huh? But I do wish that.

AND THEN I was thinking that it’s the weekend and I really shouldn’t be thinking so much. But I do think a lot because that’s just what I do. Anyway, I’ve always been told that life isn’t fair. I know that in the deep parts of my soul, but I found myself being really disappointed that good guys don’t always win, that hard work doesn’t always pay off, that honesty isn’t always regarded over elaborate embellished fabrications, and that professionalism seems to take a back seat in so many, well, professions.

So as I was thinking about how I wish life was fair and hearing my mother’s voice (I often hear my mother’s voice) in the back of my head saying that it is not and we just have to deal with that and do what’s right anyway, something else rolls in my head…

AND THEN I started thinking maybe I’m glad life ISN’T fair! I mean, what if I’ve exceeded all the fairness I should have been allotted in my lifetime? What if I’ve really been given more than my fair share of goodness and love and mercy than what I really deserve??? What if I'm in the red??

AND THEN I started thinking that I really hate the word “deserve”. I do. I think the word deserve leads us to a sense of entitlement. What do we deserve really? When we start to think about what we do or don’t deserve or what others do or don’t deserve it puts us in the judgment seat of what is good or not good and it allows us to think that we know others’ hearts, trials, pasts, struggles, and even that we know ourselves, which I am beginning to see that we may not. And we are strangely hard on ourselves.

AND THEN I started thinking that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. We should give ourselves a break, kind of like God gives us a break.  He gives us a lot of breaks. He sees what’s in our hearts. He knows that I, that most of us, try really really hard to do what’s right and we mess up sometimes. He knows what battles we have fought, what we have lost, what we go home to and what wars live inside of our minds sometimes. God knows if we are lonely, hungry, angry, seeking, searching, loving and craving to love. God knows.

AND THEN I thought maybe when I quit thinking about life being fair or not and just remember that when God is in charge, life is just the way it is supposed to be. I mean what I consider fair you may or may not consider remotely fair. What I consider a good thing you may or may not think I have completely lost my mind to think that something is good. But when I quit worrying so much about fair, good, not good, not fair and let God take care of what He does best, I really don’t have to figure it all out anyway. In fact, it has nothing to do with me (ouch).

AND THEN (yes, I can really have ALL of these thoughts in 25.3 seconds and if you know me, you know that) I realized I really need more grace for others.

AND NOW I am fighting back tears that I even had some of these thoughts in the first place. But I bet if we’re honest, most of us do have these thoughts sometimes. I’m grateful for my whirlwind mind. I’m grateful for friends who live lives as examples to keep me on track. I’m grateful for keeping in check.  AND I’m grateful that I typed all of this out…. So now I don’t have to think about it anymore today.

BTW, you should see me clean the house.

Thoughtfully,

Becky

October 13, 2013