On Being Happy
Recently while walking with a friend of mine we began
discussing and questioning why and for what people work so hard. Certainly I want
for us to have our basic needs fulfilled, but it seems people are working more
hours, to earn more money, to buy more things, that they have no time to enjoy.
So again I pose the question: Why are we working so hard?
I am a happy person. I have no idea what I have in my retirement
account or when/if I’ll be able to retire. To be honest, I will probably be
doing some mission work somewhere or who knows what when I am retirement age,
so I never really worry about it. I never really worry about much of anything.
Seriously. Well, there was a small tree frog in my house today and I nearly
called 9-1-1 but that’s a different story. I just don’t really worry about
things. Maybe that’s why when I was flipping through the Netflix selection of
documentaries the one entitled “Happy” grabbed me. There has been plenty of
research done on depression, but I loved that this documentary was on being
HAPPY!
The documentary, Happy directed by Roko Belic, 2011, was
quiet scientific and I loved that, being the brain nerd that I am. It had a lot
of talk about the reduction of dopamine as we age and the need for the upkeep
via exercise, activity, and variety (spice of life, right?). It mentioned the
hedonic treadmill (basically we spend what we make, then want more, make more,
spend more… money never really makes us happy sans for a very temporary
moment). Intrinsic goals (to better ourselves) vs. Extrinsic goals (material
things or dolling up to look better) were factors as well. But it really
pinpointed things that I think we all know instinctively that we forget
somewhere down our winding, twisted, societally messed up road.
At the beginning of the documentary many people were asked
what do they want in life and I knew the inevitable was coming… I cringed. “I
want to be happy”. WHY AREN’T YOU?? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK WILL *MAKE* YOU
HAPPY? I was mentally screaming at the
poor victims, but I figured that’s what this was all about. I digress.
Happy isn’t something you can run down and tackle. Happy isn’t
found at the bottom of your cereal box. Happy is. Happy is within each of
us. When we show compassion, kindness,
laugh, exercise, practice “flow” (full energized focus for intrinsic reward)
our brain reacts, literally, as if it is on cocaine. Happy is our drug. Research shows that the more we meditate on
these loving, compassionate behaviors the more our left prefrontal cortex
lights up. We can literally change our brain and train ourselves to be happier.
According to the research for the documentary about 50% of our happiness is
kindly given to us by our genes. Home, job, and status make up about 10% and
the remaining 40% of our Happy comes from intentional behavior, or what we do
to ensure our own happiness. Did you catch that? WHAT WE DO TO ENSURE IT…
We have to intend to be happy. How do we do this? By having
good relationships, continuing physical activity, being a part of community,
serving and having compassion for others, and appreciating what we have. The best news of this and probably what we
already know to be true is that absolutely none of this costs us a thing. Nada.
Zip. Nothing. The phrase “The happiest
people aren’t the ones who have the most, they make the most of what they have”
kept coming to mind. I love my time. I love my friends and family. I love that
when people ask me what plans I have for the summer I can say “Nothing!” and it’s
fine! I am not working myself to the bone for… for… anything! I have it all! I’m
happy. Are there some things in life I would like altered? Yep, but I’m not
working sun up to sun down, neglecting my family, friendships, relationships to
get things. Did you know there is a word in Japan for the people who are
literally working themselves to death? It’s called Karoshi. There are even
songs that the widows and children sing about it. Horrific!
So, what are we working for? I love my job. I do. I love it!
I work hard, but I love to play, too. I love to read. I love to sit out with
all the neighborhood kids and talk. I don’t know what I’ll leave behind in this
life, probably not a lot of money, but maybe a legacy that is greater. “Mom was
happy…she loved life!” I’d rather this be said while my ashes are scattered
somewhere beautiful than “Mom had a lot of money”. The latter just doesn’t have
that whimsical ring to it that I like.
Be Peaceful. Be Happy.
Becky
July 22, 2013
