Pillows, Jeans that Fit, My Kids, and Chick-Fil-A

Is it still no shave November? I was just wondering. There was a time when it was no shave November. People also post things daily for which they are thankful in November. November has Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and apparently it's pretty much Christmas now. November is a very busy month. Ask her! I mentioned in a former post something for which I was thankful and said I may or may not try to do that posting daily thing. My reasoning is that I know how my mind works and I would forget. I did forget. I forgot to post, but not to be thankful.

With Thanksgiving upon us we reflect once again on all our blessings. Just yesterday I saw a church sign that read, “We don’t need more to be thankful for, we need to be thankful more.” While the grammar made my brain itch, the message was spot on. And please know I realize the grammar in my own writing makes some of my readers’ brains itch. I won’t say names. Sister.

Many years ago before most of you were born, I was listening to a friend’s son say a blessing before we ate lunch. He thanked God for many things, but what totally caught me off guard was when he thanked God for his pillow. Never before had it occurred to me to thank God for my pillow. Ever had to sleep without a pillow or on one that felt somewhat akin to a saltine cracker? If so, you are probably thankful you have your own fluffy piece of heaven, right? Who thinks to be thankful for a pillow? This child did and it absolutely changed how I viewed my prayers of thanks.

Having the pleasure of spending time in deep discussion with friends at the ALCA conference last week, as well as other friends lately, I’ve been reminded that every single day I’ve been given roughly 16-19 hours of wake time, depending on what time Max and Emmie deem it necessary to devour their morning kibble. Every day; same amount of time. Every day. I am extremely busy as are you, my reader, I am certain. (By the way, thank you for taking a minute out of your schedule to read this) I work full time, have a son in college in Mobile and while I don’t help him out a lot anymore, I do try to keep in touch often. I’m the mom. That’s what we do. I have a teenage daughter who doesn’t have her license yet, so I’m back to being chauffeur and private detective. I’m kidding. Sort of. I also felt the need to add a little more to the plate and am in school again working on my Educational Leadership license. We have church, family, friends, and functions. Slicing time for fun things is rare, but precious.

When my son came home last night for the first time since he left in August, I cannot even tell you how thankful I was. Praying for safe travels for his friends and him all day, when I finally saw his face I couldn’t contain my excitement or my scream. I ran and hugged the first kid out of the car. He was shorter, stouter....it wasn’t Liam, it was Ira, but I didn’t care. They were home. They were safe. Our kids are here! I made my rounds and got to my boy. I squeezed my son, Liam, so tight. I didn’t want to let go. Thankful is a shallow word for the way I felt. I almost asked Liam if he’d gained a pound or two but I was afraid he would return the question, so I resisted.

Here’s what people didn’t see…. I took my son to his dad’s and took a few pics as he hugged on his sister and they played around with throwing punches at each other. I think that's obligatory.

We all talked, and I left. I left him. I left them. There. Now, lest you think I’m awful and gave my kids up, I didn’t. The deal was that they would stay with Todd the first night and have their Thanksgiving with them today. Did I feel empty when I drove away? You better believe it. But I was thankful. I was thankful that I can go to my ex-husband’s house, hug his wife, talk about what we’re each cooking over the holidays, sit in their family room with OUR children, and feel like a family. I was thankful that we laughed; we are safe, healthy, happy, and proud. I am thankful I have a home to come to that is warm, beautiful, and decorated for Christmas. 

I could have been bitter about our circumstances. I could have been angry that I didn’t get the “whole time with my children”, but what good will it do to be bitter? Same amount of time, what am I going to do with it? Be angry or thankful?

The Bible refers to us as children. I think that’s pretty telling given we act like children and not in the sweet way. Actually, most children act a lot better than some of us adults. Don’t act like you don’t know to what I’m referring. We all know if our kids did and acted the way we do sometimes, we’d ground them for life. The truth is we want them to be better than we are.

If you’ve ever worked with children or received a gift from a child, you act like it’s the greatest thing in the world. It’s not acting really, it really is great. Why? Why is that tacky shell covered duck statue thingie so wonderful? (Sorry, Mom. I really thought it was beautiful at the time. You can put it away now) It’s not the actual content, it’s the thought. It’s that you were the center of someone else’s thinking. You were loved. A child walks up to you with gift and eagerly awaits for you to unwrap this treasure. All eyes are on you. You know what you have to do…. You have to wear this (insert: necklace, bracelet, earrings) at least 3 times, including RIGHT NOW to show how much you love this precious sentiment.

When we give our children gifts we are hoping for the same reactions, but it’s not always quiet so fantastical, is it? You are absolutely positive they will LOVE the lemon yellow puffy vest you picked for them because they look SO good in yellow! (Sorry, Mom, I never could tell you… it just wasn’t me). We give them things we know is best for them sometimes and they may not understand; like jackets, warm socks, underwear.

Gifts are a funny thing, no matter how you open them. I think whatever any of us expect when we give or receive a gift, we never hope for, nor expect rejection. Sometimes our gift is whimsical, sometimes it has been long thought out. Sometimes it is very simple, sometimes it is complex and serious. Never do we sit there awaiting our beloved recipient to say, “You know, this really sucks and isn’t what I was looking for right now.” Or “I really don’t have time for this. Thanks, though.”

Every day we get a gift. God eagerly gives his children a brand new, shiny day.  For me it is 16-19 hours of beauty to unwrap! Every. Single. Day. I have written it before, but when I was at Auburn and feeling so miserably, my mom said to me that God divided our time into 24 hours because He knew we couldn’t handle any more than that. That really stuck with me. I also feel that every 24 hours is a brand new shiny chance to find things to be thankful for. Can you see the gorgeous leaves right now? The ones you dread raking? Be thankful for your sight. Can you hear your kids laughing? Arguing? Be thankful you can hear. Can you move about your home to do housework, that never ending housework? Be thankful for a home, your mobility, and people to clean up after.

Do you get to sleep in a bed, on a pillow, and cover with blankets? There, three more things for which you can be thankful. You see, you can choose. Every day you can choose. Be bitter, or be thankful. You have the same amount of time in every day. Being bitter about things will buy you no more time and you are only wasting the precious gift God gives you. How it must break His heart to see his children hate or simply not appreciate the gifts with which He showers them every day. How it must sadden Him to no end to graciously give, and give, and give, only to have us protest because the gifts aren’t “fair” (we may ought to be happy that God is gracious, not fair, by the way), that His gifts aren’t what we want, desire, or good enough. By the way, the One who created us knows what we need. It’s pretty simple. And when The Bible speaks of us being like children, maybe we should look at God with those huge eager eyes, the way children do when the presents are under the tree; in awe and wonder at what our amazing Creator has in store for us today, knowing it will be exactly what we need, in this time, whether we understand it or not.

So while we are thankful tomorrow, can we honestly say that we are choosing to walk in thanks daily? It is a choice, but it is more than that, it is absolutely crucial to being happy. It isn’t easy and there are backslides for sure, but today… today I choose to be thankful for small things, like my Coca Cola Zero, my dogs who are freshly groomed and look pretty, my jeans that still fit. I am thankful for big things too, like family and friends, of course. But I’m thankful that my kids came and brought lunch, Chick-Fil-A nuggets  

 (....and please notice that they left the bag on the counter and cups out... just saying. But also please notice well groomed pup in the background, protecting our castle.)

I’m thankful for the outlet of writing. I’m thankful for the cool temps. I’m thankful for the brief but thoughtful phone call from a friend making sure my son was home safely, for the kids and my hilarious attempt at hanging the “big wreath” (it’s still not up), and for half-and–half tea. Simple things.

And tonight when I put my head down, you can bet I will be thankful for my pillow.

Wishing you all things wonderful, many things for which to be thankful… or at least that you can fit into your jeans.

Becky

November 23, 2016

My Letter to Liam on Graduation

Well, my oldest went off to college. Actually we took him there and left him which feels as horrible as that sounds. It's not like we dropped him off in the desert and told him to figure out how to get home. We carefully planned our weekend, overloaded 2 vehicles, and with all the blood, sweat and tears we had, drove to South and did what had been done thousands of times before. We set up our son's room, made sure he had plenty of toilet paper and dorm room food, and I, being Mom, set up his bed (..."because that's the mom's job!"). No one argued with me. No one dared argue with me. All weekend. Or since really. Sweet Mary has fared well, given her brother is away. They talk and text a lot. She has actually been rather chatty and has explained that, "someone has to fill Liam's spot while he's gone."

It's hard letting your child go, even though you prepare them for this. You raise them to make this world better and trust that God has them, but your heart aches like nothing anyone can explain really. I thought for certain I would have pages and pages to write soon. I may. But for now, and with Liam's permission, I am posting my Letter to Liam on his Graduation.

So... Here was my letter to Liam:

To Liam on Graduation Day,

When you were born, I calculated the year you would graduate: 2016. I remember chuckling to myself as it seemed so far away. There were times I thought I was ready for you to grow up just a little; dress yourself maybe or maybe even run to the store for milk, or take Mary to or from practice. No mom can tell another mom that those days come too quickly, that your kids grow up in the blink of an eye and that you literally lie in bed awake with tears streaming down your cheeks wishing for a do-over so you can do better, be a better example, give better advice, spend more time with them, or hold them longer.

Praying for do-overs doesn’t work. I know. I’ve prayed for them. Many times. But we get new days, every day, and for that I’m grateful. While I can’t slow time down I can take a little of that time now to tell you some things that I know you’ve heard a million times over the last 18 years, but I want you to take these to heart. Let me start this by saying that if all the children in the whole wide world were lined up, I would pick you and Mary Abbott again. I can’t believe I have been so blessed to be your mom. I am, indeed, the luckiest woman on earth for that blessing.

With that, as you go out into this great big world….

• Always be kinder than you have to be
• Dress a little nicer than necessary
• Remember that everyone has a story and get to know as many as you can
• Open doors for ladies; including your mom and sister
• Use a napkin
• Wear the bike helmet
• Taste your food before you salt it
• Never turn down a gift from a child
• Always read to a child if you have the opportunity
• Say “Thank you” a lot
• Buy good shoes
• Brush and floss everyday
• Smile first and often
• Be kind to people in customer service, it really throws them off
• Drink a lot of water
• Remember what you put ‘out there’ (in cyber world) never goes away. Be careful
• Let someone know where you are going and when you are back
• Return grocery carts to the proper place
• Call your parents just to say hi
• Call your grandparents just to say hi
• Call your sister just to say hi
• Remember a bad day does not mean a bad life
• Speak to people who aren’t expecting your kindness
• Get to know faculty and staff at school and where you work. They are ALL important
• Remember every single person makes a difference in someone else’s life and treat them with that respect
• Remember that every person is someone’s baby
• Be kind to animals, elderly people, and wait staff
• Never ever make fun of anyone
• Laugh with people, but not at them
• Wear cologne but not too much
• Find a good church
• Be ok spending time alone
• Find a girl that knows how to fish
• Find a girl that is confident but not cocky or high maintenance
• Use your manners
• Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see
• Read your Bible. A lot.
• Be careful about movies you watch. Trash in, trash out.
• Shake hands with people when you meet them, look them in the eye, and repeat their name
• Learn how to cook at least 3 good gourmet meals
• Iron your shirts
• Be humble
• Be safe
• Be silly
• Do not ride in the car with a driver who has been drinking
• Do not drink and drive
• Treat ladies the way you would want your sister (or mom) treated
• Stand up for yourself
• Stand up for what you believe is right
• Use your voice for those who don’t know how to yet
• Remember it’s ok to be afraid
• Remember it’s ok to be angry
• It’s not ok to hurt people
• Be true to yourself
• Clean up after yourself
• When you visit someone’s house, leave your area cleaner than when you got there
• Keep the bathroom mirror clean
• If you don’t want it shared, don’t say it, post it, or write it
• Never be afraid to call home or come home
• Wear your seatbelt
• Drive slower than you think you have to. You’ll notice more.
• If someone rides your bumper, let them pass
• Never engage in road rage
• Save money
• Never chase anyone, chase God and find a girl who chases God
• Never squeal your tires on purpose in a public place
• Say you’re sorry if you are but not just to smooth things over
• Ask people if they want to talk, you’ll be amazed when people open up
• If you say you’re going to pray for someone, do. Ask them later how they’re doing
• Compliment people, honestly and carefully, but freely
• Be organized
• Go to bed clean, you’ll sleep better
• Pray (you’ll sleep better)
• Keep a journal of things for which you’re thankful, even if it is simply a cup of coffee that morning
• Trust your instincts
• NEVER accept a ride from someone you don’t know
• Making someone else look bad, never makes you look good
• Keep a First-Aid kit and spare tire in your car
• Keep a phone charger in your car
• Arrive 15 minutes early to interviews and appointments
• If you need to correct someone, make sure you tell them something positive as well
• Research your heritage
• Shop around for the best deal on things
• Do your research before buying
• Keep letters and cards from people you care about. You’ll look over them again. I promise.
• Take long walks in parks, the woods, and on beaches
• Do karaoke
• Join a cause
• Read
• Keep a calendar
• When you feel like you’re drowning, your lifeguard walked on water
• Always walk to the door to pick up your date
• Always make sure whoever you are taking home is inside safe before you drive away
• Set healthy boundaries without apologies
• Keep a rein on your temper. You can’t unsay or undo.
• Know now how smart you are and do well in school. It’s really hard to go back
• Spend time with your grandparents while you can, and get to know their stories
• Find out how your grandparents met; how your parents met
• Be grateful for the little things, like a pillow to lay your head on at night, and soft blankets
• Keep your hair neat
• Make sure you smell nice
• Don’t wait until you’re really sick to go to the doctor, listen to your body
• Use good phone manners and talk with energy and a smile. People can feel it
• Keep your bathroom and kitchen clean
• Keep your home tidy enough that if anyone surprise visits you, you won’t be embarrassed
• Put down the electronic devices for a while
• Go horseback riding…. At least once
• Hug people
• Never assume things about people. Ask.
• Ask God for guidance and then listen
• Remember you are smarter than you realize
• You have a killer smile. Use it for good.
• Getting farther in life is a matter of simply doing
• We don’t quit
• Your mom will always believe in you
• You will always have a home to come to
• Live big
• Love bigger
• Forgive people, but never be a doormat to anyone
• Remember that you’re the King’s kid
• And on earth, you’re my boy...always

“Every single thing you do matters. You have been created as one of a kind.You have been created to make a difference. You have within you the power to change the world.”

~ Andy Andrews

I love you more than you can imagine,

Mom

Turning pages to new chapters,

Becky

August 22, 2016