My "Dreaded" Valentine

He was cool looking; dreads, rocked out jeans that hung a little too low for my taste, but he was confident nonetheless. That is until I almost ran over him at the gas station. I was pulling into the MapCo when this nice looking young man was about to step across in front of me and walk inside. I could tell I foiled his plan by the look on his face and the tiny bit of eye-roll as he pivoted and went behind my car. He went in and paid. I parked, got out, and began to pump the gas in my car.

I had made up my mind to say something when the young man came out. There was something about the situation that I wanted to change. I was there in my boots and scarf driving my clean mommy car... suburbia. With all the tension in the world on so many levels, I didn't want to be a stereotype. I feel privileged to live in an area where people are for the most part very kind, considerate, and helpful.

As I was pumping my gas I looked up at 'young man' and simply said "I'm sorry I didn't see you about to cross. I would have stopped." He looked up at me half-surprised and smiled. "Oh, no. It was my fault. I didn't look up. It's all good." He replied. I think he said something it being a beautiful day but I wasn't sure so I didn't reply as I was putting the gas thingie back up. I hopped in my car and said to him, "Have a great day!" to which he said, "Yes, ma'am! You, too! And Happy Valentine's Day!" I said, "Oh yeah! You too! Thanks!"

It was that simple. It may seem so simple that you may not find it blog worthy but I will tell you that young man made my day! He wished me, the crazy white woman who almost hit him a Happy Valentine's Day. I had almost forgotten it WAS Valentine's Day. He was polite, harmless and it was a simple exchange. What felt a little tense at first ended up making my heart so happy.

We were just two people from totally different backgrounds headed in different directions and we had a simple exchange. I'm sure it sounds silly, but if I hadn't said anything, what might he have thought about me? Or I him even? It just makes me realize that there are so many times that when we TAKE the opportunity to have a simple, kind exchange barriers come down, bridges are crossed, and life becomes a little easier. The situation was an opportunity today. I don't always know what God is doing when He presents them to me, but I know that when my heart prompts me to act on something, I feel it and it feels good.

Happy Valentine's Day, by the way, in case you didn't realize it's today

Becky

Use the Crystal...

            Preparing for things is definitely not my strong suit. When I went in to be induced for my first child I poked my head out of the bathroom door and asked the nurse if I should remove ALL of my clothing before putting on the hospital gown. Yes. Really. I had no idea what to expect. I do prepare for some things to some extent but for the most part my ADHD brain looks at the big picture, thinks it’s a great idea, then realizes there a lot of small steps to take to get there and totally checks out. This is kind of funny because I am a detail person in that I notice details to an almost scary degree, but doing them myself to get to the big picture, well, I sometimes forget about those things.

            I have been toying with getting my house on the market soon. Do you realize there are things you need to do to prepare your home for this? Well, apparently you don’t just plop a “For Sale” sign in the yard. I really do want to put my home’s best shingle forward so I’m doing what I can to give it a little face lift. What’s wrong with this? Nothing… if you are a detail kind of person. When you are a person like me you are awaiting the home make-over fairy to come in at night and make it magically deliciously clean and appealing. Hasn’t happened. So… I called Roger.

            Roger is a painter and is highly recommended by the other Douglas sisters. If I can trust anyone it’s the other Douglas sisters. Roger is fantabulous and scours my home and gives me a more-than-fair estimate of a total re-paint of my walls (inside) because we both realize that somewhere in the thirteen years I have lived here, I must have had the insatiable desire to live in a patchwork quilt. With wall colors varying from room to room we decide to prepare my home by easing the eyes of anyone who may want to view this attraction with color continuity.

            Being on a high from taking the first big step in getting my home ready, I decided to begin packing my china cabinet. This would do a couple of things; allow us to move it more easily when time comes for Roger to paint and remind me what is in the china cabinet that is so important that it actually takes up space in the china cabinet.

            As I was preparing the dining area for its upcoming make-over I wasn’t prepared for the emotional ride I was about to take. For thirteen years, no actually for more than twenty years I have seen Royal Dalton in my china cabinet. The set was never completed but it was beautiful. Then there is the Christmas china, only a few pieces, but it beckoned to me as I took it off the shelf and held it in my hands. I wrapped so gently the tea cups and almost apologetically placed them in a box. I have this strange knack for feeling sorry for inanimate objects. This was one of the times I was feeling this way. I wanted to tell these precious china dishes how badly I felt that they had never been used. I looked at and held Mary Abbott’s nesting dolls from… Romania maybe? I don’t remember, my mom got them for her. There were several things from other countries that Mom had brought us, crystal, and a painted giraffe that Mary had painted when she was very young.

            I wasn’t prepared to burst into tears when I wrapped the newspaper around the china and place it in the box. I wasn’t prepared to think to myself that the only times I had touched these fine, beautiful dishes was when I had wrapped them up, or unwrapped them, or occasionally cleaned them and put them back in the cabinet. I wasn’t prepared to go back down memory lane and wonder why on earth we have these beautiful things we never, ever use?

            As newly-engaged star struck lovers we put so much time and effort into picking out the perfect pattern, the perfect settings, the perfect silver, crystal, linens. We place it beautifully in a cabinet and walk by it every day for years.  Waiting. For what?

            I realize many years ago women used fine china and silver more often than now, but why are waiting? Why are we waiting for a better and more special time to use our Grandmother’s apple dishes? Why are we waiting to use the special china or crystal? What are we waiting for? I know it sounds trite but for heaven’s sake what if that special day never comes? I have no big days ahead of me. I am not planning a big event; no big dates, no weddings, no dinner parties. But tonight I decided to break out the crystal. Ok, I did break one ornament but that was by accident.

            I broke out the Waterford. For myself. Because every day that I’m here is pretty special and I don’t see a reason to wait anymore. I registered for these beautiful pieces of china, crystal, etc years ago with high hopes and waited. No more being sad for what I haven’t used. No more wondering why I have unused china.  Granny would love that I am using her apple dishes. I think the coffee will taste better in that anyway.

            No more waiting for something special. Use the crystal. Use the china. Break out everything wonderful that you have been saving for that special day. Make today (or tonight) that special day! Aren’t you worth the Waterford?

Becky Wilkenson

February 3, 2015

2014 Reflection (Because I Don't Make Resolutions!)

            So what’s been different this year? With the New Year at my fingertips I gingerly turn back the pages of my year to see what, if anything is actually different. It’s no secret I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. I don’t see the point of disappointing myself more than usual. Why promise to do things or not do things? I sort of let things happen, strive for things. I certainly don’t want to wait an entire year to try to do better or make a serious to-do list. But what is different now than last year?  Let’s see…. I let my hair grow out quite a bit and I’m wearing it natural, more wavy. I figure we gals have spent WAY too much time styling our hair. YEARS! YEARS we have spent styling our hair to do unnatural things and our hair, our poor hair has had no voice of its own to protest (though if you look back through yearbooks you will see there, on those pages, are indeed protests). I weigh pretty much the same as I did a year ago, though I was probably in better shape then. I have a different cable carrier. Viola! Life changing event! Ok, not really. Same car, same house, same job, same kids (though there were a few times I seriously considered a trade on one or both). So what really changed? What’s new? What big enlightenment did Becky encounter this year?

           

            I stood on the back porch tonight and kind of chuckled at the whole New Year’s Eve thing. I like it, don’t get me wrong. I like new things; fresh starts. I like a full tank of gas and a fresh book of stamps (yes, I still mail things, don’t judge me). I always felt like with a full tank of gas or a fresh book of stamps you could do pretty much anything. I don’t know why I felt that way, but I developed that attitude when I was at Auburn and pathetically homesick. I could mail letters to my mom or come home if necessary. Poor me. That’s another blog for another time and yes, Mom, I’m still sorry about a lot of that. Moving on here…

            As I looked to the winter sky (winter evening skies are the prettiest) I asked myself what was so different this year. This is where I have to admit that I sometimes hear things. Not like those people who walk around with full shopping carts that aren’t anywhere near a store, talking to themselves. It’s more like a very still, small voice that hits me. I like to think of this as me FINALLY getting quiet enough that God’s voice actually gets through my thick skull and I hear what He wants me to instead of all the monkey chatter that has accompanied me since birth. Mom used to say to me “Five minutes, Becky, please, just five minutes” and I think I know why. Ok, for starters, bless her, she really needed the peace and quiet, but she probably knew that one day I needed to be quiet enough to hear things, besides my own voice, that would help direct me, guide me. Maybe or maybe not but that sounded really good so I’m leaving it in here.

            “You have changed”. I was a little taken aback because this isn’t something I would normally tell myself but being that I was hearing it loud and clear I decided to cut myself some slack and look at the ways this past year has grown me.

            I HAVE changed. People often think that others don’t change. I disagree. I think if we are smart we are seeking to grow, to change, to be better, stronger, smarter. Sometimes we change on purpose. Sometimes change finds us because it is, quite simply, time.

            I have made a lot of mistakes over the past year.  I am here, raw and ready to admit it. That’s all I’m going to say about that, so don’t get your hopes up that I’m going into full confession mode. Ha. No way! But I have learned a lot about who I am. I learned that I really love what it has taken for me to get to this shaky, unknowing, vulnerable, scary place in my life. Now, you may be wondering why I am not describing my place as more sound, stable, and knowing. Because when you learn more about who you are and where you are you realize that nothing is totally stable, sound, and for heaven’s sake, you know nothing! Seriously! Remember what a great parent you were before you had kids? Hahahhaha Exactly! Those silly kids forgot to show up with their owner’s manual and we have had to wing it from day one! The very person who swore they would never bribe their kids now passes out freeze pops to her kids and their friends if they will simply wipe down the window sills.

So how am I different? I have learned that while I may know little about what may or may not happen in life, I do know how I react to things is the cornerstone for my own happiness. I have learned the happiness of others is not my responsibility and none of us owe excuses, explanations, or apologies for who we are or for our own values, thoughts, opinions, or beliefs. I have realized that engaging in any conversation with some people is like feeding a cat. Sometimes people are looking (as a friend of mine said today) to pick a fight, argument, or for someone to be mad at. I won’t engage. I am taking small baby steps to get where I want to be. The big picture has been looking too big and scary but I finally began taking small baby steps and it has felt empowering, albeit a little scary. There is something liberating when you realize how paralyzing fear has been.

            When did we become afraid to try new things? As kids we, or my sisters and I did most anything. We were ridiculously unafraid of fear if that makes sense. In fact we didn’t have enough sense to be afraid of the things we should! Rolling off the roof onto lawn cushions? Sure! Sign me up! Nothing could possibly go wrong with that! Skateboarding down the neighbor’s steep driveway out into the street while our designated “watcher” made sure a car wasn’t coming? No fear! Invincible! Fast forward 30, ok fine 35 years later and I’m having semi-panic attacks at the thought of writing a book or packing boxes to store in hopes of selling a home. I realize these are big people things, but really? In the grand scheme of life, we are healthy, happy, and so what if I fail? I’m right back here where I am right now… happily clicking away on my trusty laptop.

            So what has changed? Not much, except me… in a lot of ways. So I guess that is much. Maybe we shouldn’t put so much pressure on ourselves to change. It seems that if we listen to life (five minutes, please, five minutes) and pay attention to all the lessons out there for us to learn we will have plenty of resolutions that take care of themselves without us setting ourselves up for disappointment. And change? Like it or not you probably will. And this next year will be different. How different and what kind of different is up to you.

Happy New Year!

Resolution-Free,

Becky

December 31, 2014

Merry Christmas, Life Lessons, and Stuff...

So today is Christmas. Merry Christmas! Nothing says Merry Christmas like having to go to the Imaging Center for a couple of scans. I had to do that yesterday. It wasn’t a big deal really and I was in and out within a couple of hours. While getting an echocardiogram on my heart (I just thought I’d throw that big word in there) the technician really started talking to me. Really talking to me. I liked that. This person seemed real. I like real. In fact if you seem perfect and totally together there is a real good chance I won’t want to spend time with you because either A) you’re totally clueless or B) you’re totally clueless and/or not ok with your imperfections or C) did I already say totally clueless?

Anyway, so this person simply mentions something their grown child had said and followed it with, “…and that absolutely broke my heart, but he’ll have to learn this on his own.” I mentioned that I felt so many of life’s lessons were that way and we do eventually learn things the hard way. Well, of course all of this got me to thinkin…

We have those “Ah-ha!” moments in life, don’t we? We have those moments when the lightbulb comes on and we simply aren’t who we were and everything everyone ever said to help guide us to that point comes rushing back to us. We get it. All of the seeds that have been planted come to fruition. This is why I don’t think we can possibly change someone by ourselves. It takes so many millions (ok maybe not millions but a lot, It’s Christmas, give me a break) of little lessons for us to reach those Ah-ha moments. I also can tell you that no one can break your heart like your children.

We try too hard to teach our children the easy way so that life’s hard lessons don’t hurt them and they don’t hurt us. We try to shield them from pain, heartache, and sadness so the Ah-has come a little easier for them. That doesn’t work. It simply doesn’t work. As a friend told me, it doesn’t matter what we say or do, we’ll be wrong in their eyes sometimes and it takes them learning lessons the hard way to get it. I can’t tell you how many phone calls to my mother that have begun with, “I am so sorry…” because I finally get what she went through. I learned. The hard way.

Self-confidence comes with learning things and many times it really comes with learning things the hard way. The wonderful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you. No one can take the experiences, the eye-openers away from you. We can use these experiences to be jaded or become wise; as stumbling blocks or stepping stones. It’s up to us, it really is. I have had people tell me that I don’t seem like the kind of person who would put up with such-and-such. My reply is that I’m not…anymore. I have learned so much over the last several years. People do change and if we allow it, we become wiser, more empathetic, and forgiving. We learn to see the world differently; not better or worse really, just differently, and we realize that we can help guide others. We can’t fix anyone, make anyone “see” anything, but guide them, and love them while they figure things out and wait for their Ah-ha moments.

I think God is like this with us. I think He is smart enough to never take a learning opportunity away from us. I think no one can ever hurt His heart like His children, but I also think He knows that He can’t make us “see” anything and we still really appreciate it; that we have to learn things through life lessons. I think God probably smacks His own forehead a lot the way we smack ours when our kids finally get something we think they should have already figured out but I also think He celebrates our small steps as well as our big ones. I don’t know for sure, but I think about how I love my kids and how much more He must love us and how this whole parenting thing isn’t easy… it just make me feel closer to God.

So, Merry Christmas! Be thankful for what you have and be patient with others as they are learning. Unless safety is concerned, never take away a learning opportunity, and when you feel like smacking your forehead because you think someone should have it by now talk to God about it. I have a pretty good idea He understands.

Lovingly,

Becky Wilkenson

December 25, 2014

All Roads Lead Home... But to Which One????

I have been divorced for nearly 9 years. I always miss my kids when they aren’t with me, so please know that. We occasionally take separate vacations and yes, it did take me a long time to be okay with that. However, now it really doesn’t bother me to be alone and I don’t feel lonely very often. I enjoy driving. I enjoy driving alone with my sunroof open and my radio up, singing loudly (tip: If you are in a traffic jam, people next to you may hear you). I was really looking forward to my drive to and from Virginia for my fall break. No worries on weather, I will crank up the AC or the heat. It’s my car. I have to feel the wind in my hair! Unless it rains. I do have boundaries.

            Cruising on up on Friday after school, I knew I was going to stop in Knoxville so I really wasn’t in any hurry. Good thing! It is perpetual rush hour in Chattanooga. No fret. I’m alone with my thoughts and there are approximately 124 radio stations from which to choose. I scan. I’m now grooving and moving at about 15 mph when I realize that this awesome tune, to which I am steering-wheel-drumming is Spanish. I don’t speak, nor do I understand Spanish. For the record, I can conjugate some verbs in Latin and I can tell you that the girl and the country are beautiful. Watch out Cicero! 

I took this for Susan. I have no idea why!

Knoxville traffic was not a lot better as UT played Florida on Saturday, but I was highly entertained at a bar by some enthusiastic people while I had the pleasure of simply being an outside observer. Being enthusiastic myself about getting to ‘my second home’ I was up and at ‘em WAY early on Saturday and got in to Roanoke at about 10:45 a.m. with a smile on my face and a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte in tow for my most gracious host and best friend in the whole wide world, Susan.

            Going back to Roanoke feels like home to me. I only lived there for 6 years and that was over 18 years ago, but I can maneuver myself around there pretty well still (i.e. I know some great places to shop and found a new great gourmet wine place!) Going to church on Sunday morning felt like no time had passed. I was able to see so many people who impacted my life so much more than they will ever realize. I couldn’t stop smiling, talking, laughing. My heart began to hurt. I couldn’t tell if it was in a good way, bad way… what way. I just knew something was tugging on me that hadn’t in a long, long time.

My dear friend Keith Wagner. He has no idea how many lives he has made better!

Fast forwarding past the crazy Sunday afternoon with “Peter the Pilot from Germany”, the gliding, and the awesome picnic with Susan’s family, the dinner with friends, going to school with Susan and seeing a dear friend with whom I used to teach when I was there, collaborating with an amazing counselor, having lunch with new friends, dinner with the LMFTO friends, crazy cross fit with Channing, yoga, deer, (I missed the dead bear…sigh… I never have ANY fun! lol) and approximately 32 pumpkin spice latte’s to my early morning drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway. (Yes, that was one sentence, don’t judge me.)

             Roughly one hundred years ago, or 20 when I lived in Roanoke I would take the Blue Ridge Parkway as often as I could because it is, hands down, one of the most peaceful places on earth. It can also be a little scary but that’s a blog for another time. The scenery is exquisite and when the speed limit is posted 45 mph they are NOT KIDDING! The lookouts are scattered and depending on the time of the year you will find that some are better than others. On Tuesday morning with coffee in hand, I set out on my drive. Having no idea where I was going really, I quickly realized other people knew exactly where they were going. To work. Oops. Sorry, I found an overlook to pull over and realized how perfect it was. Turning the car off and trotting through the grass to get a few shots with my little phone camera, peace washed over me like nothing that a keyboard can explain. The air was fresh, the colors were rich, the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds. I could have stayed all day taking in this amazing earth that God created and intended for us to enjoy. Excited about reconnecting to some ‘slow and peaceful’ quiet stillness in my heart, I drove a little more and took a very skinny, windy four-mile loop that almost thrilled my stomach as much as Peter the Pilot’s cartwheels did. I would love to say that I took time to meditate at each of my stops, to pray, to ponder. I didn’t. Not in the traditional sense. But here is what I realized and took away:

Our lives get so fast paced with ‘what’s next’, what we ‘should be’ doing, ‘what’s wrong’ and ‘what if’ that we (or I at least) fail to slow down and live in today and friends, today is all we have. The beauty was so captivating I craved, CRAVED to have my kids with me to show them the mountains, the city from “The Star”, the creeks, the trees, the sun coming through the clouds, even the stars on the morning when I left and there was no power (and you haven’t seen ‘dark’ until you’ve been way out on a mountain with no power). I took with me that while I crave to be back there, surrounded by that beauty daily, like I was then, we have so much everywhere that we miss; not because it isn’t here, but because we are too busy with everything else. I know life is and must be. I know things must keep moving and we have to work to keep things going, but like the phrase says, are we so busy making a living that we forget to have a life?

            I have the best friends and family here in Alabama. I love my job and have the best colleagues! I am blessed beyond reason, no doubt. I honestly don’t know how I could ever leave here. As a 1^st grade student said to me a couple of weeks ago I feel like I’m in “a real pickle” sometimes because I want to be in both places. So it hits me… I have two homes!! How wonderful! I told sweet Morgan that when you are happy with yourself, you can be happy anywhere and I immediately wanted to take that back, so Morgan, listen up… I take that back. Here is what I think (It’s my mind, I can change it). When you are truly happy, joyful way deep down inside, you are fine knowing that you may or may not be exactly where you want to be and that’s ok. You are fine with the fact that life is and you realize there are options. You explore them and appreciate the best of everything. There is no ‘grass is greener’ because you know that you’ll take your joy with you wherever you go; whether it’s to the beach, to work, to the store, or to the most beautiful and peaceful place to perhaps make a second home, Virginia. And you are fine simply not knowing what your future holds, because you truly do know who holds it.

             I cried a little when I was there. I won’t lie. Ok, some of it was when I was laughing so hard from the inside of the gliding plane, but some of it was because I miss it so much, but I don’t have to miss it. The mountains, the creeks, the trees, the beauty of Virginia, the peace it brings me, and most especially the friendships aren’t going anywhere. Interstates. Awesome. Cell phones. Social Media. Amazing! So grateful I have the best of both worlds and that all roads do lead home. Whichever one that is.

Peacefully,

Becky 

October 9, 2014

*Susan and Lyn, thank you for being the most gracious hosts and best friends. Thank you for the dinners, the laughs, the thrills. Thank you for letting me watch the Auburn game. J I love you both so much!!

.

Pickin' Blackberries

Yesterday was Sunday and we had one of our wonderful “Sunday at Mama’s” kind of lunch. These days are always pretty laid back and they are followed with us lounging around the family room being goofy, remembering when, etc.  Yesterday was not much different until my mom sprang up and spritely said, “Everyone get a bowl. We’re going to pick blackberries!”

Now, let me tell you that our memories of blackberry pickin’ did not make us jump up and grab the biggest bowl that we could dig out of the kitchen. In fact I grabbed a clean, empty yogurt cup and shouted, “Here’s mine!” Apparently that wasn't going to do, so I grabbed only a slightly larger one. Who doesn't love standing in the heat, dodging stinging insects and briers, walking through fire ant hills, only to pick a few berries whose stain will not come out of your fingers? Sign me up!

Off we go. Lucky for us many of the blackberry bushes were actually along Mom’s driveway and had already been picked pretty clean. All of us strolled along talking, laughing, being silly and sneaking blackberries out of each other’s bowls. Liam would occasionally be Liam and touch someone’s leg with a stick of bamboo so they would scream bloody murder, thinking something was crawling on them. I knew to stand by Mom, who didn't have a bowl and would put her berries in mine J. My niece, Caroline, who is nearly 3 had a great time as her tall cousins, Liam and Mary, would lift her to pick the best berries on top and even enjoyed picking some green apples! We also found a birds nest in a tree to show her. “I sure hope a bird doesn't fly out of there!” someone said and I thought how quickly this tender day could turn into one that required psychotherapy, but it didn't. My niece, Audrey and I lingered a bit and talked about nothing but silliness.

 

Proud of her pick!

 I started realizing this had nothing to do with picking berries and everything to do with getting out of the house. No cell phones (ok, later my sister Beth, a natural photographer, caved and went to get one to take a few pictures), no tv, no anything! Just family, nature, conversation, and a lot of laughter.

I can’t tell you how many pictures my heart took yesterday. When we left I felt a wash of peace over me that I hadn't felt in a long time. Family. Nature. Togetherness.

My little sister Barb is a natural when it comes to cooking and baking so I gave her my blackberries because I knew that she would very well make a cobbler (and we would probably eat our blackberries in the car).  Also, I made fun of her for being short and I felt bad so I thought that was sort of reparation on my part, right?

 

Some of the delicious goodness we picked!

My kids have plenty of what they need and want but what I hope we all provide for them is so much more meaningful than material things, and I hope they see this. Our family, although not perfect, is entirely devoted. We don’t quit each other, ever. We laugh a lot. We've had to. BOY have we had to! We love a lot. We've cried. We offer support and help to each other and we’re silly sometimes. Ok, a lot.

Standing in the heat, dodging stinging things, pricking our fingers on briers for a few blackberries? It was so worth it. I think Mom, in her beautiful wisdom, already knew what we would get out of that stroll. I’m pretty sure that’s why she didn't even bother to bring a bowl.

Finger stained,

Becky

July 21, 2014

Why is Love a 4-Letter Word?

            I don’t think anyone would disagree that our energy levels tend to go up when we are around those we love. I have had more than one person tell me that I am perkier when my chicks are here in the nest. Even if the kids are running around with their friends, if they are “here”, I seem to have a little more spring in my step and be able to breathe a little easier.  I don’t know if this comes from the fact that they are literally a part of me, or simply that I love them so much that their presence is calming to me (ok, most of the time!), nevertheless, it is so.

            As I was taking Mary Abbott to volleyball this morning I glanced over at her and said, “I feel sorry for people who don’t have a Mary and Liam.” She didn’t really say anything. They hear me say these things all the time. She just smiles a little. She was barely awake. That’s ok. My kids are both pretty expressive, each in their own way. My family is big on “I love you”’s. We always have been. Growing up we always said this when we were leaving or going to bed or hanging up the phone. We have been accused of saying it so much that it doesn’t mean anything. Let me address this right now: If I don’t love you, I won’t say it. Period. Give me a break! We dealt with loss at a young age and we are wise enough to know there are no moments guaranteed other than this one. Why withhold a loving word? Why save it for special moments? Because it will mean more if we don’t say it often? I disagree. Here is my take on the “L” word that people are so afraid of using.

           

            There are many types of love. In the Christian world I was raised hearing about Eros, Agape, and Philos. I’m focusing mostly on Agape and Philos (I’ll leave the Eros to you all as it seems to not be working out for me at the moment). People who know me know that I do all things big. I laugh big, love big, care big. I don’t do much very small. If I’m in, I’m all in. If I am getting to know you I’ll probably keep you at arm’s length and when I figure you’re ok then you get to cross the great threshold into Becky’s world and I love you. Period. As a friend, companion, whatever! Now, that does not mean that I am a sucker or door mat. Nor does it mean I want to marry you. I’m sorry, but I just had a little eye twitch there… the thought of cleaning up after yet another person makes me cringe. Companion for travel and good times? Sure! I have to cook for you?!!? No way! But for the most part, I love you and will do what I can to let you know that and care for you. That’s just how I am. I realize that most people are more cautious and that I am gravely misunderstood. I hate that, but it is what it is.

            I haven’t always been so open. For years I was very scared of people. No one knows this and I am being very candid here, but after my first divorce, I was so afraid of being hurt again that I had my precious few friends and that was all I needed. I then married again and after some sticky things and some friends who turned out not to be friends at all, I found myself closing off again. I can honestly tell you that it’s easy to hide in your house or your classroom or office and look really, really busy to keep people at bay. God forbid that anyone ever get close to me to hurt me again. But you know what I realized was happening? I wasn’t happy. I was lonely. I was sad. And I knew that I had a lot of love to give and I *needed* love from people.

            So what’s a girl to do? I had to start making myself say yes. I had to start making  myself get to know people, take risks, go out and have fun, and yes, even have my heart broken by people I hoped would be friends and even interests. Because here is what I have learned: You can sit at home in isolation, literally or figuratively, and hurt and the healing of all the brokenness that you have had will be the only company you keep, or you can get out and meet people and all of a sudden you are hearing the precious words “Me too!” or “I’ve been there, if you need to talk!” and you realize that you aren’t alone and your heart feels lighter and you smile and laugh more. And you realize love doesn’t mean all or nothing.

            What does this have to do with my children and the people in my life that I love? Everything. I don’t see love as something to be “in”, it is something you do. I see love as something that just is and it is all around and it is in everyone to be discovered on a daily basis. I see it waiting to be brought out in those who feel hurt, scathed, angry, broken, and alone. I see it in those who are too shy to speak out. I see it in those who seemingly have it all together that you couldn’t imagine they would be lacking for anything (no one has it all together). Why do we wait for special occasions to love people? Or let them know they’re loved? Why can’t we just love each other and allow ourselves to be loved? Why is the “L” word such a 4-letter word? Ok, no jokes there, it IS a 4-letter word, but it’s a GREAT 4-letter word. Why do we make it a bad one? Why does it have to be dreaded, feared, or ran from? Can “love” really be overused?

            I understand that people don’t go throwing that word around and I understand why. I tell my family, friends, and of course my kids that I love them. I mean it. I always do. I simply cannot imagine lying on my death bed saying, “Gee, I wish I hadn’t loved so much.” Not me. Maybe someone else will. Not me. The people around me, whom I love so much, give me energy. They make me smile. They make me crazy sometimes, but that’s part of the package and I love that, too. I would much rather be open to the risks, than closed off. Being closed off assures nothing more than…well…being closed off. Open to risks? There is so much out there to love; so many people who need it, so many people to share it. So glad God opened my eyes to it!

Lovingly,

Becky