So today is
Christmas. Merry Christmas! Nothing says Merry Christmas like having to go to
the Imaging Center for a couple of scans. I had to do that yesterday. It wasn’t
a big deal really and I was in and out within a couple of hours. While getting
an echocardiogram on my heart (I just thought I’d throw that big word in there)
the technician really started talking to me. Really talking to me. I liked
that. This person seemed real. I like real. In fact if you seem perfect and
totally together there is a real good chance I won’t want to spend time with
you because either A) you’re totally clueless or B) you’re totally clueless
and/or not ok with your imperfections or C) did I already say totally clueless?
Anyway, so
this person simply mentions something their grown child had said and followed
it with, “…and that absolutely broke my heart, but he’ll have to learn this on
his own.” I mentioned that I felt so many of life’s lessons were that way and
we do eventually learn things the hard way. Well, of course all of this got me
to thinkin…
We have
those “Ah-ha!” moments in life, don’t we? We have those moments when the
lightbulb comes on and we simply aren’t who we were and everything everyone
ever said to help guide us to that point comes rushing back to us. We get it.
All of the seeds that have been planted come to fruition. This is why I don’t
think we can possibly change someone by ourselves. It takes so many millions
(ok maybe not millions but a lot, It’s Christmas, give me a break) of little
lessons for us to reach those Ah-ha moments. I also can tell you that no one
can break your heart like your children.
We try too
hard to teach our children the easy way so that life’s hard lessons don’t hurt
them and they don’t hurt us. We try to shield them from pain, heartache, and
sadness so the Ah-has come a little easier for them. That doesn’t work. It
simply doesn’t work. As a friend told me, it doesn’t matter what we say or do,
we’ll be wrong in their eyes sometimes and it takes them learning lessons the
hard way to get it. I can’t tell you how many phone calls to my mother that
have begun with, “I am so sorry…” because I finally get what she went through. I
learned. The hard way.
Self-confidence
comes with learning things and many times it really comes with learning things
the hard way. The wonderful thing about learning is that no one can take it
away from you. No one can take the experiences, the eye-openers away from you.
We can use these experiences to be jaded or become wise; as stumbling blocks or
stepping stones. It’s up to us, it really is. I have had people tell me that I
don’t seem like the kind of person who would put up with such-and-such. My
reply is that I’m not…anymore. I have learned so much over the last several
years. People do change and if we allow it, we become wiser, more empathetic,
and forgiving. We learn to see the world differently; not better or worse
really, just differently, and we realize that we can help guide others. We can’t
fix anyone, make anyone “see” anything, but guide them, and love them while
they figure things out and wait for their Ah-ha moments.
I think God
is like this with us. I think He is smart enough to never take a learning
opportunity away from us. I think no one can ever hurt His heart like His
children, but I also think He knows that He can’t make us “see” anything and we
still really appreciate it; that we have to learn things through life lessons.
I think God probably smacks His own forehead a lot the way we smack ours when
our kids finally get something we think they should have already figured out
but I also think He celebrates our small steps as well as our big ones. I don’t
know for sure, but I think about how I love my kids and how much more He must
love us and how this whole parenting thing isn’t easy… it just make me feel
closer to God.
So, Merry
Christmas! Be thankful for what you have and be patient with others as they are
learning. Unless safety is concerned, never take away a learning opportunity,
and when you feel like smacking your forehead because you think someone should
have it by now talk to God about it. I have a pretty good idea He understands.
Lovingly,
Becky
Wilkenson
December
25, 2014
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