Give Us Back Our Schools

My heart is heavy this morning as I watch the news to see yet another school shooting. The intended target? A teacher.  Recently there was a young teacher murdered after school by a student she was staying to help. I have refrained from writing what I am going to write here because I don’t know how it is going to come out of my fingertips, and I don’t know exactly how you, my reader, will take this, but I feel compelled to write at this point. When I feel so strongly to let my words flow, I have to let them flow.

Dammit, give us back our schools! Over the last few years there have been countless reports of parents high-tailing it to the schools with threats because their child wasn’t treated the way they thought they needed to be, suspended for this reason or that. There are bomb threats from kids AND parents. Teachers, administrators, and counselors have to look over their shoulders at all times for what? Doing their jobs!

Educators make little money and get little respect because they believe in the future of the children and for the record, the children aren’t the future, they are now. They are the present, they are making choices now that will affect them forever and educators are helping to mold and make their ‘now choices’ to help them become who they become. I understand parents work, they are busy, they trust (some of them) that educators know what they are doing, but dear God, let us do our jobs!

We have training, LOTS of training, most of us have multiple degrees and we must, yes we must continue our professional development to maintain our certification. We know what we are doing and for the most part most of us do it well! Do you go to the Dr.’s office and tell the doctor exactly what procedures to do, how to do it, tell him your diagnosis, and how to treat you? Probably not. So please trust that educators know the curriculum, how to handle situations for the best of all the children, and the correct protocol for procedures.

I say this because I am tired of children being raised with a sense of entitlement. Entitlement is the ultimate form of neglect. When children come to school with a sense of entitlement, as though somehow they should be treated differently and rules don’t apply to them; that mom or dad can “get them out of this”, we aren’t teaching them problem solving skills. We aren’t teaching them that, no indeed, life isn’t fair and we all have to adjust to that. We aren’t teaching them to respect authority. We aren’t teaching them that sometimes we may or may not like or agree with everyone with whom we come in contact, but we must learn to respect each other and work together. When children come to school with a sense of entitlement they don’t understand that the adults in their lives really do work together to pave the way for their future and they quickly learn to “play” adults against each other. And when parents step in and tell educators how to do their jobs, they are modeling the ultimate disrespect for authority. Do you think kids will respect the very people who disrespect authority? Absolutely not! They are being taught not to!

Give us back our schools. We work hard to make schools safe, warm, happy places to learn. We work hard to make sure that kids love coming to school and get everything they need and more. When students leave little notes for teachers, administrators, counselors, and other staff it means more to us than you can possibly imagine! We aren’t babysitters and we aren’t a juvenile correctional facility. We are educators. We educate. We comfort. And we do it because we love the kids, we want them to get the best education possible in a warm and loving environment, and we know what we’re doing.  Children definitely deserve the best education available and we want to provide it. But know this; they are not entitled to anything worth killing for.

Becky Wilkenson

December 14, 2013

10 Things for My Single Guy Friends to Know About Dating Single Moms

10 Things for My Single Guy Friends to Know About Dating Single Moms

1.      Single moms are still women. Under all of the fundraising papers, dirty sports uniforms, and the robe that is older than her eldest child is someone who wants to be seen as a woman; as beautiful, sensual, glamorous, strong, independent, and exciting. She wishes she DID have time for that 3 mile run in those 20 minutes she has that one day per week, but darn at the homework! Mention that you see the positive things in her after you wipe the chicken nugget crumbs off her shoulder.

2.      Single moms don’t have time for your insecurity. It’s nice to get little messages on occasion, but when we are balancing 8 grocery bags, a cup of coffee, shutting the car door with our boot (the good pair), while yelling to remind the kids that we have 20 min. for dinner then we’re off to youth group, we don’t have time to respond to a text message that just says “Hi”. It seems as though you are crouched in the corner of a dark room waving your hand begging for attention. I know that sounds harsh, but throw something in like “I know you’re busy, but I just wanted to say hey! Have a great evening!” and we’ll know you aren’t just sitting there waiting for a response.

3.      Single moms, at least single moms that will be around for a while aren’t interested in all your money and things. If you are trying to woo a girl with what you’ve done, have, your money, or your toys then go ahead and get a bank account in her name and save yourself some time because that’s what you’ll end up doing in the long run. And is that really the girl you want? If you really want to woo us, let us get to know YOU. Let us know that you’ll be around and that you are worth our time.

4.      Single moms are busy but we will make time for the people and things that are important. If it’s a lunch date, a coffee date, or if you are worth scheduling time every other weekend, if you are important we will make time for you. Please understand that the most important people are the ones we are raising, but we still enjoy having a ‘life outside of our life’ and when and if the time comes, the two of you shall meet.

5.      Single moms are amazingly intuitive and strong. Our BS meters are pretty keen. If you say one thing and mean another, we pretty much have that figured out before the last word is out of your mouth.  Respect us enough to be honest. If you like us, great! If you aren’t interested, not a problem. Don’t waste our time or yours, but at least be honest. Yes, we really can be just friends.

6.      If you can’t watch your mouth or your actions, you don’t have a shot with a single mom. We want to trust you around our kids and our moms. And believe me, our kids tell our moms everything! Seriously! So if we are nervous about taking you home to our kids, it’s probably not going anywhere. And don't forget the way you talk about your ex, your mom, your kids, and the way you treat the wait staff speaks volumes about your character.

7.      Single moms are not looking to raise another child. Don’t get me wrong, I would welcome any good man who had children, but I am not going to raise a man child. By that I mean I am not looking for a man to take care of. There is something incredibly sexy about a man who is already happy, emotionally healthy, and is perfectly capable of doing his own laundry, paying his own bills, and keeping his place clean.

8.      Many single moms have been through a lot and surely may have baggage, and hopefully have learned to let it go or at least deal with it. But single moms don’t need to pick up any more unnecessary baggage. We don’t need any more bitterness, anger, distrust, etc. in any relationship. Please don’t come to her to heal you. She already has a lot on her plate.

9.      Single moms are not too busy to have fun. Most want, need, and look forward to their friend time, family time, and can cut loose and be silly when needed. And our kids secretly love it.

10.   Single moms make great friends and companions because most single moms know the art of cherishing the little things; communication, grace under fire, picking their battles, and balancing a checkbook. They are strong, smart, sensitive, and caring. In fact, most women are.

So, if you are ever in the position of dating a single mom, maybe some of these insights will help you. Just be polite, proper, and treat her like a lady. Take her to dinner… but don’t order her a happy meal.

Becky Wilkenson

December 1, 2013

Just One Second

Just “One Second”

If you live and breathe in the state of Alabama I bet you think you know where this is going. Well, you are partially right. Just one second. This afternoon’s Iron Bowl came down to just one second. Who in the world would have ever known that the game, “THE” game would have ever been so intense and heart-attack inducing in the last minute or so of the game, let alone the last second?

Well, I certainly did not! At my sister’s home with all the other SEC fans you could hear the excitement grow (literally, I bet you heard us) as time ticked downward. There are many Bama fans and Auburn fans and we always manage to keep things clean and classy each year as we (on separate floors of her home of course) cheer on our own teams. Each year we sincerely congratulate each other and we have always sincerely cheered on the National Championship teams as we are all proud of our state as a whole.

So, is this about the ONE SECOND left in the Iron Bowl today? Sort of. It was amazing, I’ll admit. I am a Tiger fan, no doubt. I will say that without the Tide, the Tigers wouldn’t fight so hard. We make each other better, no doubt, both ways. But this is about one second. Seriously, not football so much, but one second. If it were about football you would all be laughing because you would realize how little I know about the game itself.

One second. I have already talked to a couple of amazing friends who cheer as fervently for Bama as I do for Auburn. They were very sincere and classy in their congratulations for Auburn’s win.  With one friend, who has counseled as well, I said “I have to get deep here for a moment… I see this ‘one second’ as so much more than a football thing” and went on to share with her how I see this as a total game changer.

Now, insert my disclaimer, I am not saying that God won or lost the game for anyone. I am not saying that He removed or put back any amount of time on the clock. I am saying that God is a timeless God. You see, this afternoon when there was one second left on the clock and Alabama was going in for the kick, I purposefully turned my back to the tv and played with my niece. I didn’t want to watch. I thought either they get it and we lose, or they don’t and we have overtime. There. I had it figured out. My sister may have been hiding behind the couch at that point, I’m not sure, we get pretty intense. But then, I hear screaming….and I turn, and I see Davis run the ball completely down the field for a win. Touchdown Auburn. One second. Who in the world would’ve thought that? Who would have predicted THAT? I don’t care how many people say that saw it coming, no one did!

How does that relate to God for me? We sit on the sidelines watching our lives play out on the field, day in and day out. We know the plays. We may even have the play book in our hand. We know our financial troubles. We know how many times we have tried to have children. We know how many times we have talked to our child about drugs, alcohol, and the dangers of how they may be living. We know how lonely we feel every time a holiday rolls around. We KNOW this game. We see the clock tick down. We know what’s about to happen and we turn our backs on the field, or the tv, or the play because WE KNOW how this is going to go down. WE know what’s going to happen. We’ve seen it. We’ve lived it. We’re tired of it. We’re done.

Then, one second. In one second there is someone there to take the ball and run it and take our breath away with a play that we never even imagined possible. There is someone there who says “You may have the play book, but I am on the field!” and our lives are changed in one second (again, please, I am not talking about the Iron Bowl). There is God there saying “You think you have it figured out, but I am a God who has no time and am in no hurry.” One second.

What does one second mean to you? Maybe you have seen a miracle in one second? One second may have kept you from an automobile accident. One second to getting to the emergency room. One second may have helped you meet that person you are now with. One second to tell someone that you love them before they go. I know people whose lives have changed in one second. God can do that and I believe He LOVES to do that!

So, it was a good game today, to say the least. But let’s take away something more than a win. Let’s remember that one second is an amazing amount of time for a timeless God. Let’s remember that when God says “Wait a second” We really should be patient and trust that He knows what He’s doing here. One Second. Please, God, be my guest.

Becky

November 30, 2013

P.S. My mom just called from “the bus” on her way back to her car in Auburn. She’ll be running on adrenalin for a week! 

Who's your ICE?

Who is your ICE? You know… your “In Case of Emergency” contact? Don’t inbox me. It’s a rhetorical question for the most part, but did you immediately think of someone? Your spouse? Your significant other?

Nothing makes you contemplate your life like going to the doctor and filling out new forms. I had that experience again today. Oh, it’s fun! “Emergency Contact Information” to me is like nails down a chalkboard. It’s not that I don’t HAVE it, it’s that when it comes time to fill that out I am reminded that I still put my ex-husband down as my ICE.  We have been divorced for 8 years. Yes, he knows he's my contact (at least I think he does). I also put my sisters and mom if there is room. To me that question is like “List your hobbies”. When I know in fact I haven’t had many since sometime like 1993.

ICE. In Case of Emergency. It’s innocent enough and it’s a good thing for people to know, right? Who do we contact? And why is Becky writing about it? Because people who have been alone for a while whether because of divorce or being widowed sit with the stupid pen that almost always only half-way works, hovering over this. We have to think about it. Who is my ICE? Who cares if I totally fall out here in the doctor’s office? Who knows I’m AT the doctor’s office? Who would even know my full name if the doctor calls them?  Rebecca Who?

It makes me think of single mom friends who move. Who do you list if you don’t know anyone? How do you feel when your pen hovers over the line and you have to leave it blank? I thought about certain people that I actually know who have faced this. I realize, though, there is something we can do! If someone is new to your church, your school, or your neighborhood and you know they don’t know anyone yet, ask them to lunch… get to know them. Let them know you aren’t ‘cray cray’ as we say and let them know you are safe to add as an emergency contact for them and for their kids if they have them as well. Let them know that if something happens you have their back. Let them know you’re safe to get their kids from school if they get stuck somewhere. I promise you, I have this struggle and I HAVE support, so I can only *imagine* what it feels like to be new, alone, and not have an ICE. They will SO appreciate the gesture!

I hate filling out new forms. I do have some hobbies and I do have emergency contacts (although I could not for the life of me remember my sisters’ phone numbers… they were in my phone… at home!). I hate filling out forms almost as much as I hate when they take my blood pressure and weigh me. I think that, in and of itself, almost makes me fall out! I just hope Todd answers his phone when he gets that call… “Hello, sir… do you know a Ms. Rebecca Wilkenson? We just took her blood pressure and weighed her….you were listed as her ICE…”

Urgently,

Becky

October 21, 2013

Are You Good Enough?

Have you ever wondered if you’re good enough? Have you ever wondered if you do enough for others? Have you wondered if you ARE enough?  If so, I have your answer. The answer is yes. Yes, you are. There. I’m done. I’m kidding. There’s more. Lots more. Seriously, grab some coffee with some pumpkin spice cream and sit a spell J

Being faced with so much sadness in our community lately and many doubts about people, choices,  things I hear that are being said and done, and even things that I’ve heard concerning me and my apathy towards them I have found myself facing a real low point in my life. I don’t doubt that there is a God. I don’t doubt that He created me, that He loves me, and that He has some sort of grandiose plan for me in the big wide world of whatever this all is. I know that I gave birth to two of the most amazing kids and I’m proud of that and I know that in my daily job as a counselor to many, many kids what I say and do matters sometimes, but I have had my doubts, my questions, many of them to be sure, as to why I am here.

 Am I really doing enough? Am I totally and completely selfish that my sweet neighbor lady brings me dinner on occasion and I don’t know what I’ve done for her lately? Am I totally self-absorbed because I’m so involved in my work and the kids’ activities  and making sure we have quality family time in there somewhere, that I forget someone’s birthday? I have heard some harsh things said about people like me (and flat out, about me) that we don’t care, that we are too busy to care, etc. So, for a long time, being the people pleasing person that I was (catch the past tense ‘was’), I stretched myself thinner and tried harder to make people happy. Big mistake!

Most of you are aware that I am a single mom with 2 teenagers. Ok, to be honest Liam is the teenager and Mary Abbott is the pre-teen, but if you’ve had a daughter and she’s been 12, you may as well have started calling her a teenager at the age of eight because that’s when they start trying to be teenagers. My kids and I have a great relationship. We really do! They try not to roll their eyes in front of me and I try not to act like a crazy woman in front of them. That all failed the other day when a woman in a blue minivan was texting and turned in front of us at a red light… I slammed on my brakes, hit my horn and let out a few words that “Momma doesn’t say”.  I thought I was going to have to go to confession right then and there, but I looked over and Mary was snickering. She said “You NEVER say that!” I guess we have some understanding in our family that sometimes we just allow each other to be real. Actually, most of the time we do. I like that. Anyway, I digress. (And to the woman in the minivan who never looked up, dear lord woman you’re gonna kill someone!)

Anyway, So I’m a single mom with teenagers. They are very involved in school sports, JROTC, and youth group. I am also one of two counselors at a school with roughly one-thousand students. We are very active in our church and with our family and I wouldn’t trade our lives for anything. Seriously. I get along well with the kids' dad and his wife and her son. We are a big, strange, happy family.  But, to say this is easy would be a lie. A big lie.

Somewhere along my life’s way I have allowed myself to feel less than. I don’t know who or how or why or what I allowed in my head, but I did. I was married before I married Todd (the kids’ dad). Not everyone knows that and I haven’t felt comfortable sharing it, but I am now. It was during that time I’m pretty sure that I learned that I was stupid, I was too big, I wore too much make-up, I talked too much, I said the wrong things in front of people, I gave stupid gifts, and I was selfish. I was vain, insecure, I was too sensitive, and when I was in a wreck once, it was because I had the radio up too loud. I was never, ever, ever good enough. The tapes that have played through the years have been incredibly hurtful and God how I wish we could learn to destroy those things, but it’s not that easy. In fact it almost seems that we attract other people who spot our vulnerabilities and rip off the scabs of our healing wounds. Whatever the case, we are left feeling broken, beaten down, and never, ever enough.

I had coffee with a friend of mine yesterday and Diana can say something that is like plucking a gray hair. It stings for a second, but you’re glad she said it. She tells me that I’m so distracted trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do, why I’m here, that I don’t see it right in front of my eyes. She tells me that I’m supposed to write. She tells me that my words touch people. It’s hard for me to hear that because I feel like my words aren’t good enough. My writings aren’t good enough… and I hear the tapes playing in my head again. “No one wants to hear what you have to say".

Today at church Pastor Suzanne is in the middle of a series "What on Earth Am I Here For? ". She began to speak and was telling us that our most important purpose in life, our primary reason for being here (here it comes, I think, something else I’m not doing enough of, or not doing quiet up to par)… is To. Be. Loved. What?? To be loved?? Yes. What do I need to do? Nothing. But I haven’t cooked dinner for my neighbor. Dear heavens, you can't cook! Don't do it! You are here to be loved. ME? Yes. Why??? Because God created you on purpose. To. Be. Loved.

Now, I gave a talk at the Rescue Mission last year and I am really fairly good at telling people these things and I do firmly believe it. For you. I know that you, that we, were created for a reason. I know that we were knitted together in the womb and that God knows the hairs on our heads and He knows our names and He knows everything about us. What I had to be reminded today was I need to stop trying so hard to be loved. I need to stop beating myself up for not ‘being enough’. I am enough. God created me in His image and I dare not say that my God is not enough. If my God wants me to do something, by Him, He will equip me to do it and I will be enough, and I AM enough!

I sat in my seat after church with my friend Judy. I couldn’t move really. I looked at her and said “When was the last time you were given a sermon that told you to allow yourself to simply be loved?” Neither of us could remember.

We are so often sadly and mistakenly told that we are not enough. What is even more horrible is that we believe it and we cling to that instead of what we read today in Romans (8:38-39) “I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things, or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created.” See, nothing separates us from God and His love. Nothing. Nothing. That means that you are good enough. I am good enough. We are enough.

Suzanne told me today to go and just be. Just be loved. I took a long, long walk today on the nature trail. No music, just birds, the rustling of the trees and other people enjoying nature as well. I am challenging myself to just be this week; to stop beating myself up for not being enough. If the creator of the universe felt that I was worth knitting together, then I must be enough for Him and if I’m enough for Him, then I’m enough and I have a job to do. I have no idea what that is, but I’m listening… not trying too hard to figure it out, just listening.

I challenge you, if you have had those feelings, to just be. Allow yourself to be loved and bask in that. Bask in the glory that you were created on purpose with intention and if for some reason some poor sot out there thinks you aren’t good enough, remember that poor sot, I mean person, was created on purpose as well… and God is working on him/her. Maybe it’s your job to be an example? And if I’m supposed to be an example to the woman in the blue minivan, I failed miserably…. But I gave Mary Abbott a hearty chuckle.

Loved,

Becky

October 20, 2013

Deep Thoughts in 25.3 seconds

So I had some seriously deep thoughts this weekend in about 25.3 seconds. I thought I would share them with you in case you like to take your weekends off from thinking.  Lucky you! I did the work for you! You’re welcome.

So I was thinking over the last few days that I wish life was fair. Not too deep, huh? But I do wish that.

AND THEN I was thinking that it’s the weekend and I really shouldn’t be thinking so much. But I do think a lot because that’s just what I do. Anyway, I’ve always been told that life isn’t fair. I know that in the deep parts of my soul, but I found myself being really disappointed that good guys don’t always win, that hard work doesn’t always pay off, that honesty isn’t always regarded over elaborate embellished fabrications, and that professionalism seems to take a back seat in so many, well, professions.

So as I was thinking about how I wish life was fair and hearing my mother’s voice (I often hear my mother’s voice) in the back of my head saying that it is not and we just have to deal with that and do what’s right anyway, something else rolls in my head…

AND THEN I started thinking maybe I’m glad life ISN’T fair! I mean, what if I’ve exceeded all the fairness I should have been allotted in my lifetime? What if I’ve really been given more than my fair share of goodness and love and mercy than what I really deserve??? What if I'm in the red??

AND THEN I started thinking that I really hate the word “deserve”. I do. I think the word deserve leads us to a sense of entitlement. What do we deserve really? When we start to think about what we do or don’t deserve or what others do or don’t deserve it puts us in the judgment seat of what is good or not good and it allows us to think that we know others’ hearts, trials, pasts, struggles, and even that we know ourselves, which I am beginning to see that we may not. And we are strangely hard on ourselves.

AND THEN I started thinking that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. We should give ourselves a break, kind of like God gives us a break.  He gives us a lot of breaks. He sees what’s in our hearts. He knows that I, that most of us, try really really hard to do what’s right and we mess up sometimes. He knows what battles we have fought, what we have lost, what we go home to and what wars live inside of our minds sometimes. God knows if we are lonely, hungry, angry, seeking, searching, loving and craving to love. God knows.

AND THEN I thought maybe when I quit thinking about life being fair or not and just remember that when God is in charge, life is just the way it is supposed to be. I mean what I consider fair you may or may not consider remotely fair. What I consider a good thing you may or may not think I have completely lost my mind to think that something is good. But when I quit worrying so much about fair, good, not good, not fair and let God take care of what He does best, I really don’t have to figure it all out anyway. In fact, it has nothing to do with me (ouch).

AND THEN (yes, I can really have ALL of these thoughts in 25.3 seconds and if you know me, you know that) I realized I really need more grace for others.

AND NOW I am fighting back tears that I even had some of these thoughts in the first place. But I bet if we’re honest, most of us do have these thoughts sometimes. I’m grateful for my whirlwind mind. I’m grateful for friends who live lives as examples to keep me on track. I’m grateful for keeping in check.  AND I’m grateful that I typed all of this out…. So now I don’t have to think about it anymore today.

BTW, you should see me clean the house.

Thoughtfully,

Becky

October 13, 2013

Use Your Words

I started with a totally different blog tonight. Don’t fret. I saved it for you to read when you had insomnia. So often my writings take such different turns than I intend and many times it’s with a quick event, happening, saying, or something that has me venturing off into never never land.

Tonight it was a post from a sweet young man that I have known for a long time asking if anyone ever had a crush on someone and was too shy to tell them. I said “YES! But it’s harder to wonder ‘what if’ if you don’t”. I am such a hypocrite. Now, I’m not lying when I say yes, of course, I have had a crush on someone and was too shy (yeah right) or afraid to tell them, but I live with a lot of “what ifs” that I wish I didn’t.

With the randomness of writing I think I’ll say some things to people here that I wish I had said along my life’s way. For those of you who are getting excited, don’t. I’m not putting names. That wouldn’t be fair. But there were many times in my life I wanted to say something and I wonder if anything would be different if I had. Not better or worse, just different. So here I go:

________________  you taught me that academics were a very small part of learning. You dared to speak to me about the hurtful things in my life and left school out of it. I learned more from you than I did from the book. Thank you.

________________ I loved you the best I knew how. I didn’t love myself. When I finally did, I realized love wasn’t what I thought it was in the first place.

________________ I’m sad that after a divorce, with small kids I was in a place where I allowed what you said cause me to be afraid of a God that I now know to be loving and forgiving. This kept me from serving in your church. I thank God that He isn’t at all like you.

_______________ I love you with my whole heart. I have cried. Prayed. Begged. Sat up late with you. I can no longer enable you to self-destruct. Sometimes love has to walk away for a while. You are an adult, it’s your choice.

_______________ I miss you every day. I want to ask you what I’m supposed to do. I want to ask your opinion on things. I want to sit with you and I want you to draw me pictures again. I want you here and I wish you didn’t have to go away so long ago.

_______________ the beautiful engraved bell and parfume you gave us at Christmas time after Daddy died meant more to us than you can possibly imagine. It was more than ‘gifts’… it was little girls remembered.

______________ you took us shopping to get our mom birthday gifts when we were little and had no dad.  I remember vividly. That took a lot of heart from you. Thank you!

_______________ when you told me what I an awesome teacher I was, I was there earlier and stayed later for a long time to be even ‘awesomer’ because you believed in me. Your trust in your teachers was what made you an exceptional leader. When you retired, I left, and it was never the same; but I took your lessons with me.

________________ I thought I knew what I was talking about, then I had my own. I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry. Being a mother is hard. Being a single mother is heart-breaking sometimes. Forgive me.

________________ I wish you didn’t have to go live in ___. I would take you to live with me if I could. I almost called the guardian ad litem. You have no idea how much I want to adopt you and your brother so you didn’t have to leave here.

________________ You have no idea how much those little plastic Christmas forks and spoons meant that you mailed to my kids. I still have (a couple of) them. I say “So, what do you think we outta do now?” because you said it to your boys.  You taught me so much. I’m mad that ALS took your body. I’m sad you’re gone.

_________________ If you talk to people like they are dogs, don’t be surprised if they bite you.

_________________ thank you for trusting me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for teaching me how to be a friend. Thank you for unconditional love for so many years. Thank you that I never have to worry about where I am with you.

_________________ you saw the best in me when I saw a void space. You lifted me when I couldn’t see which way was up. You didn’t judge me. You taught me to love. Just love. Thank you.

_________________ you called me on the morning of my wedding. You said you wish Daddy was here to see it and how you missed him.  I remember that phone call, where I was, it was raining. Thank you for thinking of me and Daddy. I know you loved him too.

_________________ thank you for watching after us after Dad died. Thank you for putting a CB radio in our car so Mom could call someone if she needed to. Thank you for being Dad’s best friend. You were the first example of ‘best friends’ I had.

_________________ when you asked me to take you to the dr. I was honored because it meant you trusted me and I know it’s hard for you to ask for things.

_________________  I loved you. I don’t know why or how; it doesn’t make a single bit of sense but I did.

I wish I was brave, like the new song I love so much by Sara Bareilles, Brave. I wish I could let the words fall. I can’t. I’m cautious. I’m better, but cautious. Liam says I don’t have a filter which I think is funny because I’m thinking, “Son, you have NO idea!” I can’t figure what in the world I have saved by keeping words to myself. I don’t mean ugly words; we should keep those to ourselves. Kind words, loving words, risky words… we should put them out there! Really, what do we have to lose? That was why I told my young friend tonight my regret is not saying things. If you tell someone how you feel and it’s not reciprocated, what have you lost? Dignity? No! You spoke your heart!

 Do you know how brave you are to speak your heart? You have lost nothing. Nothing.  Ill feelings, hurtful feelings, maybe you should work through because you have to ask “How will this help?” and it probably won’t. But loving, thoughtful, risky feelings? Why not? Why not tell people what an impact they have made on your life? Why not let people know you love them? It doesn’t mean just romantically, love comes in many flavors!

I look at this way: At the end of my life will I be thinking “I wish I had…” or “I’m glad I…”

So, hold your head up, clear your throat… and speak your words.

Lovingly,

Becky

September 2, 2013