The 40+ Singles Club

The 40+ Singles Club

 

Disclaimer: I am not a couple’s counselor. I am an elementary school guidance counselor. The blog that you are about to read is my, and only my opinion based on observations, experiences, and other…well…personal unpleasantries.

Now, to the blog stuff. I have many single friends who fall into the 40+ singles category. It’s not an easy category to fall into, so if you want into this club, I need to let you know about the qualifications.

I write that jokingly, well, sort of jokingly. It seems that people who are not in the 40+ Single Club seem to think that it is uber cool to be single at this age. Allow me to enlighten you.

When you are middle aged and single you do meet a lot of people. You meet a lot of great people, no doubt. I have met some amazing friends with whom I have a lot in common and some people with whom I have absolutely nothing in common.  When I first divorced about 7 years ago I dove into graduate school so I didn’t have time to even think about “getting out there”. It was actually nice working full time, raising two kids and going to school at night; at least I think it was, I don’t remember much of it. Over time I did date a little bit and met some really nice people, but time was definitely an issue. Later I did find time for a relationship and although I had graduated by then and there was more time, I began to realize, there were more issues in life than time.  I am beginning to see that is true for most people in this situation.

A friend of mine used to say we don’t bring baggage; we bring trunks at this point. I think that’s true. I recently met and went out with a beautiful gentleman and again, things didn’t work. No blame at all, it just didn’t. That’s ok, but what makes me laugh a little is people who are married, semi-happily or unhappily, who think single people ‘have it made’.  Do you know what we do on weekends? Seriously? Our laundry. Or we clean our house.  Maybe we work from home or we go to the gym like everyone else. If it’s pretty we do yard work. We visit our parents and help them around their house. We help our kids with schoolwork, bathe dogs, cook, iron, run errands, blog about why things do or don’t work, pray, cry, and if we’re the slightest bit lucky we get together with our friends for a glass of wine to have a discussion that doesn’t include what detergent we use to get spaghetti stains out of shirts.

My point is that it isn’t easy. At ALL. It’s hard. It’s not always lonely, but it sometimes is. When you’ve been on your own for a long time, I think it gets harder. In fact, I’ve been known to say that once you’re out of the womb, life just isn’t easy. Period. But here’s the thing, it is what we make of it. I do have my groove going with my kids because I have no other choice. I am happy, very busy, and I get tired. I realize I don’t always handle it well, but as my mom said “Honey, you handle it; and that’s well!” I love that. Marriage…not easy. Singleness… not easy.  Life is beautiful and wonderful and sweet, but it’s not easy. It is what we make of our circumstance.

So, for those who think the 40+ Single Club looks like such a blast, I assure you, you may want to interview the members well before you think you want to become a member yourself. If you already are, you may be able to relate and I hope you have amazing friends and family like I have.

Now, it’s a beautiful Saturday…. So… I better go fold my laundry J

Becky

October 13, 2012