Where is God?

The Extra Penny

~ Where is God?~

This blog just might pluck your nerve so consider this your fore warning. Wasn't that nice of me?  Kind of like the news telling you to get the kids out of room before they show the all-too-graphic pictures, I give you a warning. I always write from the heart, but I find my most spontaneous writings are the best, for me anyway.

So I've had my first ‘alone’ day in 4 weeks. I have shopped, ran into my sister (who I caught trying to sneak a note on my windshield at a local store. I’ll get you back.), watched some mindless TV, walked a few miles to clear my head (no running, thank you knees), and had some alone time trying to talk to God. And I began to wonder… where is God?

Before you try to answer, I think I have it, for me anyway. Allow me to take you with me through my journey. I’m sure some of you have been through this, it has to do with being frustrated, tired, excited, hopeful, realized, and every other adjective of which you can imagine. Where is God?

If you are reading this, you are probably similar to me in that you rejoice in others’ promotions, look for the positive in what others see as negative, and continuously try to boost those who have to look up to see down! This is a role I have taken on my entire life and I love it no matter how exhausting. I am, however, wondering, where is God for me?

Before you think I am winding crepe paper and blowing up balloons for a pity party, I assure you that is not my style. Ask anyone who knows me. I think we all have those 15 minutes occasionally (and I am certainly not exempt), but I am wondering why, when I have been so excited about the lives of others, I haven’t been nearly as excited about my own… and why I am not seeing God in my own life as much as I am seeing Him in others? And even as I type this, the structure of this blog is changing…

(I just had an Ah-Ha moment… Seriously, stay with me). I am so glad my God is big enough to handle my questions. I am so glad my God is big enough to handle my anger and my doubts. I will tell you this from the bottom of my heart (or the heart of my bottom which is bigger; I tried on clothes today) that I have NEVER doubted there is a God. I HAVE doubted that He has remembered me. I have thought, in the depths of my little blonde brain that He must be too busy with all the important things to bother with my petty questions, requests, hopes, dreams,  doubts, and fears.

I am a mother. If I heard those words come from either of my children, my heart would crack open. I would cry. In fact, just typing this makes my eyes leak a little that one of my children would think for one second that I wouldn't care what troubles them; wouldn't care what they want or what they need. Do they have enough lunch money? Do they want a yearbook? Do they need money for the volleyball team? Raider’s team? Yes, I have students at school who come with bruises and marks, and unexplained and unspeakable crimes against them, but they, Liam and Mary... they are my children!!! Tell me what you want!!!  My God, My God…. My God must want me to tell Him the same thing… I am not petty. I matter. Yes, He has big fish to fry, but *I* am His fish! I matter! While I am taking care of everyone else and trying to make sure God shows up and shows out in their lives, am I making sure He has room in mine? Am I giving Him work space? I’m not.

As I wrap this up, I will tell you this entry took an entirely different turn than I thought. I have wondered if God remembers me and while I typed I realize I have been the one so busy that I didn't leave Him much entry room. I would say I’m embarrassed, but I’m not. I know God works through my hands, my fingers, my mind, my heart.

I have hoped for many things… security and safety for my children, true love, financial peace, but mostly that I can truly touch those who read.

So where is God? He hasn't moved. He hasn't left. Where have I been? I've been busy trying to help everyone. It took a day alone… a day where I was ‘bored’ and ‘restless’ to reconnect. God is here. Where have I been? I can’t share Him if I can’t slow down. I matter to Him. I am important enough to sit quietly and talk to Him and renew myself. It’s funny… it makes sense now. A song played this morning as I walked and I felt so strong… I was even belting out this song a little as a runner passed me (bless his heart)...   (Big Daddy Weave)

They who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength
They will mount up on wings, they will walk and not faint
Seasons of this life change but God's faithfulness remains
They who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength .

He craves me… my time. He craves you. Where is God? He’s right here. Right now. Where are you?

Peace,

Becky