Goodbye 2013 ~ You taught me well… or not so much, I’m not sure.

Goodbye 2013 ~ You taught me well… or not so much, I’m not sure.

                I’m not a big “Hate to see you go!” kind of girl when it comes to chiming out the old and bringing in the new, especially as it comes to a new year. In fact I sometimes have New Year’s Eve plans and sometimes I don’t. I rarely stay awake until midnight because my body is stupid and wakes at 4:30 a.m. no matter what the previous night has held.  I tend to be one of those annoying perky morning people. At least that’s what my kids tell me.

                As 2013 comes to a close I thought I would teach a lesson on New Year’s Resolutions, or “reservations” as some of my students called it. Now that I think about it, there are definitely reservations about making resolutions. I haven’t always made resolutions and I don’t really like to; they just give me something to think about quitting. I used to jokingly give up drugs or smoking because I never do those things so they were easy. Seriously though, while teaching my little lesson on resolutions I simply connected it to making goals to being a better person; making them do-able, measurable, specific, and being accountable to someone who could help you if you needed the help. I felt like a total hypocrite because I can’t remember the last resolution that I specifically made that I kept.

                I told my students that with each New Year I envision that by the time the year closes, my life will look totally different. And then I ask “And do you think it does?” and as if on cue they all ring out, “YES!” and I shout back loudly, “NO!”. This makes them giggle. But I follow it up with something at first even I found myself proud to say. “My life may not look that different, but *I* am surely different.”

                This doesn’t require much explanation to you, I know, and I have so many very deep, precious students that understand as well, although I did explain how we all continue to grow, no matter our age; but the words felt good coming out of my mouth. “I am surely different”.

                Never will I be so bold or stupid enough to say that I have it all figured out. Never will I again pray for patience, either, but I am continually amazed at the way that I grow each year. It really isn’t in ways that I think I will; eating less potato chips, running more, planning ahead, keeping my desk clean at work so that I can find that note regarding that important phone call, or even remembering to change the air filters before they get totally nasty. I always grow in ways that make me roll my eyes at God and say, “Oh THAT’S what you were trying to tell me?? Couldn’t we have done this in a simpler way??” But I am never, ever disappointed. I think that’s how God works. He shows us what we need, not what we think we need.

                So some valuable lessons I learned in 2013 that I think God should have just sent a quick note, but I probably wouldn’t have learned them so well:

I learned that I don’t have to neglect taking care of myself to make sure everyone else is cared for. In fact, by doing so I had nothing left for anyone. By taking time for myself and pampering myself a little, I feel great and am ready to be ‘on’ for whatever and whomever might need me.

I learned that my intuition about things, people, and situations is usually pretty spot-on. I really can save myself a lot of time here by listening to myself and not trying to make things something they aren’t. Once is a mistake, twice is a choice. Listen up, woman!

Speaking of disappointment, I learned that even good people are human and will unknowingly and unintentionally disappoint us. Compassion is necessary, forgiveness a must.  I have been forgiven for disappointing many, myself.

I have learned that I truly am content with myself and my situation. It’s funny that society seems to think we are supposed to be paired to be happy. I do sometimes long for companionship, and pray that it is done in only a way that God is in the center, and I have actively searched for that, but I have stepped back and realized I have a pretty sweet deal here! I have amazing kids who are independent and well-mannered. I have a nice home and can pay my own bills and take care of us. I clean up after myself. That’s it. Myself. Hmmm not too shabby!

Speaking of kids, I realize that by NOT being able to give my kids everything they want, I have actually done them a huge favor. My kids are respectful, they work hard, we talk about everything (I swear Liam wants to talk about things more than I do, if you can believe that!), they do their own laundry, and they can both (sort-of) cook! Well, you have to give them a break; their example of a chef is pretty minimal. I learned that life’s tough lessons actually teach us the true value of life itself; love, communication, laughter, family.

I learned that being alone is absolutely different than being lonely. The demands of my job and raising kids have taught this social butterfly that alone, quiet time is something to be cherished.

I learned that prayers do not have to sound like Chevy Chase in Vacation. I never really thought that, but I used to pray formally, at least until a couple of years ago. My talks, my communication with God have become rather informal and I love that. I feel like, no, I know He really is my heavenly dad and I talk to Him like such. I know that He can handle that my faith in Him, and whatever it is He is up to, seems to waiver sometimes. I know He can handle that I sometimes get angry and impatient. I know that because He created me, He knows what I am made of and values every bit of me.

I learned that other peoples’ decisions, thoughts, choices, and opinions have nothing to do with me. Now this was a hard one! We all tend to take things personally and I have been the chief of all sinners where this is concerned, but over time I realize (and this is ongoing) that other peoples’ stuff is their stuff. Not mine, not even if they try to make it mine, or convince me that it is because of me. It’s theirs; their choice, their life, their mind, their opinion. Not mine. It’s truly a relief when that sinks in.

I learned that I will not go without coffee. Don’t ask. It wasn’t pretty.

I learned that when someone says “That’s just what I heard” to totally dismiss whatever they just said.

I learned my kids watch everything I do and listen to most of what I say, contrary to what I have thought.

I learned it’s quicker to do what I’m dreading than to sit around dreading it.

I learned that most people are good and decent people, but there are people who will gladly take advantage if you let them. I can love… from a distance.

I learned to say “no” or “not now” and mean it without feeling guilty.

Finally, I learned that when something is on my heart or in my head I need to write it and do it quickly. I love to write, and let’s face it, it’s cheaper than therapy!

Bring it 2014! I just KNOW my life will look totally different by the end of next year. Or not. But I know I surely will be J

Happy New Year and Goodbye 2013! You will be remembered, but not missed J

Becky Wilkenson

December 28, 2013