Pickin' Blackberries

Yesterday was Sunday and we had one of our wonderful “Sunday at Mama’s” kind of lunch. These days are always pretty laid back and they are followed with us lounging around the family room being goofy, remembering when, etc.  Yesterday was not much different until my mom sprang up and spritely said, “Everyone get a bowl. We’re going to pick blackberries!”

Now, let me tell you that our memories of blackberry pickin’ did not make us jump up and grab the biggest bowl that we could dig out of the kitchen. In fact I grabbed a clean, empty yogurt cup and shouted, “Here’s mine!” Apparently that wasn't going to do, so I grabbed only a slightly larger one. Who doesn't love standing in the heat, dodging stinging insects and briers, walking through fire ant hills, only to pick a few berries whose stain will not come out of your fingers? Sign me up!

Off we go. Lucky for us many of the blackberry bushes were actually along Mom’s driveway and had already been picked pretty clean. All of us strolled along talking, laughing, being silly and sneaking blackberries out of each other’s bowls. Liam would occasionally be Liam and touch someone’s leg with a stick of bamboo so they would scream bloody murder, thinking something was crawling on them. I knew to stand by Mom, who didn't have a bowl and would put her berries in mine J. My niece, Caroline, who is nearly 3 had a great time as her tall cousins, Liam and Mary, would lift her to pick the best berries on top and even enjoyed picking some green apples! We also found a birds nest in a tree to show her. “I sure hope a bird doesn't fly out of there!” someone said and I thought how quickly this tender day could turn into one that required psychotherapy, but it didn't. My niece, Audrey and I lingered a bit and talked about nothing but silliness.

 

Proud of her pick!

 I started realizing this had nothing to do with picking berries and everything to do with getting out of the house. No cell phones (ok, later my sister Beth, a natural photographer, caved and went to get one to take a few pictures), no tv, no anything! Just family, nature, conversation, and a lot of laughter.

I can’t tell you how many pictures my heart took yesterday. When we left I felt a wash of peace over me that I hadn't felt in a long time. Family. Nature. Togetherness.

My little sister Barb is a natural when it comes to cooking and baking so I gave her my blackberries because I knew that she would very well make a cobbler (and we would probably eat our blackberries in the car).  Also, I made fun of her for being short and I felt bad so I thought that was sort of reparation on my part, right?

 

Some of the delicious goodness we picked!

My kids have plenty of what they need and want but what I hope we all provide for them is so much more meaningful than material things, and I hope they see this. Our family, although not perfect, is entirely devoted. We don’t quit each other, ever. We laugh a lot. We've had to. BOY have we had to! We love a lot. We've cried. We offer support and help to each other and we’re silly sometimes. Ok, a lot.

Standing in the heat, dodging stinging things, pricking our fingers on briers for a few blackberries? It was so worth it. I think Mom, in her beautiful wisdom, already knew what we would get out of that stroll. I’m pretty sure that’s why she didn't even bother to bring a bowl.

Finger stained,

Becky

July 21, 2014

Why is Love a 4-Letter Word?

            I don’t think anyone would disagree that our energy levels tend to go up when we are around those we love. I have had more than one person tell me that I am perkier when my chicks are here in the nest. Even if the kids are running around with their friends, if they are “here”, I seem to have a little more spring in my step and be able to breathe a little easier.  I don’t know if this comes from the fact that they are literally a part of me, or simply that I love them so much that their presence is calming to me (ok, most of the time!), nevertheless, it is so.

            As I was taking Mary Abbott to volleyball this morning I glanced over at her and said, “I feel sorry for people who don’t have a Mary and Liam.” She didn’t really say anything. They hear me say these things all the time. She just smiles a little. She was barely awake. That’s ok. My kids are both pretty expressive, each in their own way. My family is big on “I love you”’s. We always have been. Growing up we always said this when we were leaving or going to bed or hanging up the phone. We have been accused of saying it so much that it doesn’t mean anything. Let me address this right now: If I don’t love you, I won’t say it. Period. Give me a break! We dealt with loss at a young age and we are wise enough to know there are no moments guaranteed other than this one. Why withhold a loving word? Why save it for special moments? Because it will mean more if we don’t say it often? I disagree. Here is my take on the “L” word that people are so afraid of using.

           

            There are many types of love. In the Christian world I was raised hearing about Eros, Agape, and Philos. I’m focusing mostly on Agape and Philos (I’ll leave the Eros to you all as it seems to not be working out for me at the moment). People who know me know that I do all things big. I laugh big, love big, care big. I don’t do much very small. If I’m in, I’m all in. If I am getting to know you I’ll probably keep you at arm’s length and when I figure you’re ok then you get to cross the great threshold into Becky’s world and I love you. Period. As a friend, companion, whatever! Now, that does not mean that I am a sucker or door mat. Nor does it mean I want to marry you. I’m sorry, but I just had a little eye twitch there… the thought of cleaning up after yet another person makes me cringe. Companion for travel and good times? Sure! I have to cook for you?!!? No way! But for the most part, I love you and will do what I can to let you know that and care for you. That’s just how I am. I realize that most people are more cautious and that I am gravely misunderstood. I hate that, but it is what it is.

            I haven’t always been so open. For years I was very scared of people. No one knows this and I am being very candid here, but after my first divorce, I was so afraid of being hurt again that I had my precious few friends and that was all I needed. I then married again and after some sticky things and some friends who turned out not to be friends at all, I found myself closing off again. I can honestly tell you that it’s easy to hide in your house or your classroom or office and look really, really busy to keep people at bay. God forbid that anyone ever get close to me to hurt me again. But you know what I realized was happening? I wasn’t happy. I was lonely. I was sad. And I knew that I had a lot of love to give and I *needed* love from people.

            So what’s a girl to do? I had to start making myself say yes. I had to start making  myself get to know people, take risks, go out and have fun, and yes, even have my heart broken by people I hoped would be friends and even interests. Because here is what I have learned: You can sit at home in isolation, literally or figuratively, and hurt and the healing of all the brokenness that you have had will be the only company you keep, or you can get out and meet people and all of a sudden you are hearing the precious words “Me too!” or “I’ve been there, if you need to talk!” and you realize that you aren’t alone and your heart feels lighter and you smile and laugh more. And you realize love doesn’t mean all or nothing.

            What does this have to do with my children and the people in my life that I love? Everything. I don’t see love as something to be “in”, it is something you do. I see love as something that just is and it is all around and it is in everyone to be discovered on a daily basis. I see it waiting to be brought out in those who feel hurt, scathed, angry, broken, and alone. I see it in those who are too shy to speak out. I see it in those who seemingly have it all together that you couldn’t imagine they would be lacking for anything (no one has it all together). Why do we wait for special occasions to love people? Or let them know they’re loved? Why can’t we just love each other and allow ourselves to be loved? Why is the “L” word such a 4-letter word? Ok, no jokes there, it IS a 4-letter word, but it’s a GREAT 4-letter word. Why do we make it a bad one? Why does it have to be dreaded, feared, or ran from? Can “love” really be overused?

            I understand that people don’t go throwing that word around and I understand why. I tell my family, friends, and of course my kids that I love them. I mean it. I always do. I simply cannot imagine lying on my death bed saying, “Gee, I wish I hadn’t loved so much.” Not me. Maybe someone else will. Not me. The people around me, whom I love so much, give me energy. They make me smile. They make me crazy sometimes, but that’s part of the package and I love that, too. I would much rather be open to the risks, than closed off. Being closed off assures nothing more than…well…being closed off. Open to risks? There is so much out there to love; so many people who need it, so many people to share it. So glad God opened my eyes to it!

Lovingly,

Becky

Reflections from the Greenway

            I love nature! I really do! I don’t love it when it’s too hot, too cold, or too buggy. Otherwise I absolutely love being outside. Many of you know that my back porch is my oasis with a good book, a cup of coffee, or a glass of wine. I prefer a walking trail to the treadmill, and though it may be 90 degrees, I will have my roof open and windows down just to feel the wind.

            This morning I went for a long walk at the greenway and had many reflections. Some were shallow simple reflections while others were somewhat deep. I often skip taking my phone and the music when I go to the greenway because the birds, crickets, the stream, and “Good mornings!” are a harmonious symphony to me to which nothing else compares. I also seem to smell the wildflowers and honeysuckle a little better.

            Some of my simpler reflections were things such as:

1.      If you aren't feeling particularly social or happy, go to the greenway. Most everyone will smile and bid you a good morning J.
2.      No one cares what you look like; whether or not you have on make-up, a sloppy bun, whether or not you have the thigh-gap (who really has this? And those of us who don’t are *that* much closer to being a mermaid… and who doesn’t want to be a mermaid? We win!).
3.  Everyone is there for themselves; to be in touch with themselves or with nature, or God. No one is there to judge you.
4.    You shouldn’t forget your water. You may become cranky. Just sayin’.
5.   The greenway should smell like nature; grass and wildflowers and perhaps faintly of Tide or Downy due to clean clothes, but never like heavy perfume or cologne (ok that was a small rant).
6.    Although I still have a quick pace, I walk more than I run now. Sometimes I do both but when I walk I can take in more nature and enjoy more. When women run past me I secretly cheer them on with a “You go girl!” because I know it’s not easy.
7.  Coconut oil makes a great, lightly scented body moisturizer/natural spf. :) Really.

These were just a few of my simpler thinkings as I ambled along this morning. I try to reign in my brain because many times as I take these long walks, I make them “prayer walks”. I have to purposefully remove myself from people, media, etc. to have quiet time. Sometimes my prayer walks are simply to thank God for so many things, people, and situations, specifically, that I realize I take for granted. Sometimes I talk to him in my head about what’s going on and ask what I need to listen for to help make things better. Today I was especially thankful for so many things and found myself realizing how often we look for there to be something to “fix”.

      Because my brain works the way it does (and thank God he knows it, made me this way, and has a great sense of humor so He just rolls with me on this) I ended up thinking about how far I’ve come (and yes, how far I have to go) with letting things go. I am not a control freak about things per se. I am actually pretty laid back about most things. Where I AM a control freak is in thinking about things and trying to “figure them out and make them make sense” when sometimes things are just simply nonsensical. I don’t like that. I don’t like it at all. I have been known to say “It’s just magic” if something doesn’t fit quiet right into my thinking because even magic is something and makes more sense than not making sense. Did that make sense? It did in my head.

Anyway, I had sort of an epiphany and my epiphanies seem to be long and drawn out, so I’ve been facing this one for a while (dear friends of mine will have to remind me of it in a month or two because I often forget them as well), but here it is: It isn’t our job to make sense of everything. Are you wowed? You should be wowed. My close friends are saying “By George, I think she’s got it!” For me to come to accept this is remarkable. Deep thinking is what I have done since birth and will continue to do, and figuring things out is something I've always done well. I think that’s what makes me love my job and very good at my job, but it has also made me and others close to me absolutely insane at times. It has cost me friendships and relationships and many sleepless nights and a lot of laughter. Why? Because our creator did not put me or anyone else here to figure it all out.  (Insert “BAM”)

I tell Liam and Mary Abbott often, “It’s my job to be your mom. I’m here to make sure you are fed, clothed, educated, etc.”  I realize that God made me on purpose. He made *us* on purpose and it is His job to take care of us. It is HIS  job to figure everything out. My sister has a little girl going through her “terrible twos” (I didn't have the heart to tell her it goes on until 3 or 4) but I think we do that to God throughout our entire life. We try to fix things, maneuver things, manipulate things to get what we want and as we lay exhausted on the floor at our worst, after having yet another temper tantrum our Father picks us up and holds us close and asks, “Are you finished? Now hand me your life, all of it, and I’ll take care of it. I created it and I know how to fix it.” We, as His children have to hand it to Him. All of it. Most of us have had a child bring us something to fix but they have refused to let it go. We can’t fix what they won’t let go. Neither can He. We must face that we can’t do it. Not that we can’t do it alone, but dear God we can’t do it. Period. He does.

A dear and wonderful man spoke at church yesterday and he kept saying that he refused for years to give God credit for all the opportunities that He had placed in front of him. I think we so often cruise along in life forgetting these things. Maybe that’s when we unplug, leave the music at home, take a long walk and simply thank Him for having it figured out for us. Thank Him that we don’t have to because God knows most of us can’t make sense of things anyway.

So, take a walk, smile at people, say “good morning”, and wear God on your face. Take your water bottle… it’s warm out there. And don’t think too much. It’s not your job.

Happily,

Becky

July 7, 2014

*Photo: Madison, AL Official Website

http://www.ci.madison.al.us/index.aspx?NID=681