Monday, March 27, 2017

Fallin' Over, Test Scores, Rude Folks, and Rainbows (Yes, really)

So today I came to the realization that I really, REALLY get in the mood to write when I:

a. fall over
b. don't pass a very important test
c. come darn near close to chewing someone out because THEY are rude
d. rainbows land in my backyard

Okay, this isn't really a test. Seriously, it's all of the above. I fell over, didn't make the score I needed on a test I had to take, got really REALLY aggravated at the lack of compassion shown, and yes, they're always after me lucky charms. For real.

I've been meaning to write you. Really. For a long time. My brain hasn't been at full capacity it seems for many months, what with school, and school, and kids, and their schools. You get the point. It's been a crazy year, but we knew that going in to it (when I speak in years, I often refer to school calendar years. Just clarifying in case you're up all night wondering about this crazy year speak I babble about).

I watched Lucy this afternoon. Not the old comedy series where she has some 'splainin to do. Nay nay, I watched Lucy with Scarlett Johansson. Have you seen that? It's pretty freaky really but being a brain study lover, I do find it fascinating. I want to be her. Well, I really just want to look like her. Of course, I don't think in real life she's utilizing 100% of her brain and to be quite honest, having that capability would likely not be NEAR as much fun in real life as I dream it to be. I wish we COULD utilize 100% of our brains. I DO think SJ is very intelligent, but 100%? No one really is... and...  Just typing that out makes me aware that you all wonder why in the world this girl is single, I know. Move over crossword puzzles, the men folk will line up!

Back to the brain. I love to study. I love education and learning. Right now, somewhere in a Florida retirement village far far away, some professor of mine from long ago is twitching, and not knowing why. I love to learn now. I love studying now. Bettering myself and finding my passion wasn't exactly a late teens thing for me. Or twenties. Or thirties.

So jumping the gun a tad, I prepared as much as one could to take the Praxis for educational leadership. I took several practice Praxis's, read, prayed, watched Seasons 1-6 of The Office. Practiced saying "Practice Praxis" 'cause it's fun to say. What I failed to do was wait until all of my coursework was complete. Most of my friends in the cohort are in roles where a lot of the content is a little more day-to-day, but I really had to study. (By the way, best cohort ever. Best new friends ever! Seriously! Love it!)

Excitement builds as I drive to the test center. I know that God has this and I'm quasi-full of confidence (as long as I don't think about it too much). Entering the test site, I am handed the form where I had to copy a confidentiality statement, in blood, signing over my first and last born, showing 12 pieces of ID, and in turn I was handed a key to a tiny locker in which I was to put my "things". "But I can keep my water, right?" Nope. Crap. So I tried opening a little tiny locker and then realized my little tiny key had a big ol' circle with a number on it. Ah-HA. The key is to a SPECIFIC locker. (Was this part of the test?) Bottom locker. Reminiscent of high school. There were only a few people in the waiting area at this time and I had to squat down behind a gentleman who was signing in, to place my "things in the locker" (locker 5, the number is on the circle). Here's the funny part... I can't see to put the lock back on because 1. I can't see. 2. It's dark in there. 3. I'm trying to be all cool in a strangely squatted position while not getting stepped on before taking my test.

I fell over. I. Fell. Over. There isn't much coming back from that one. With all the grace of someone who had just fallen over, I got up, went into the secure test site, sat down, and took my test. It was long. Very. My adult ADD was merciless. I could hear people talking, people breathing. I won't torture you through this part but let's just say I had 3 to go before finishing and only missed the passing mark by 6 points. I'm fine with that because my daughter texted me and said I'd done pretty well for my first try. Sigh.

With such a wonderful day underway, I have to say that I do work with a very sweet co-counselor and have a wonderful intern who are incredibly kind and helpful and for that I am so grateful. They show a lot of grace and I think at the end of the day we really do just want grace shown to us in our worst hour. Sometimes it's harder than others to be kind and graceful and to see past our own noses, I know that. But I do find it telling that we use the excuses and phrases like "It's not personal", or "It's not intentional" when we are excusing our behavior or lack of gentleness. It reminds me of a line in You've Got Mail, "I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?...."Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal." We really need to work on being intentional, folks, on being personal and kind. We really do.

I'll leave that one now because you should know that according to my precious neighbor, I do, indeed hold the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. They're always after me lucky charms. Coming home a little bummed this afternoon, I was met by my little fluff-muffin dogs. We talked about our days. Okay, not really. I'm not to that point yet. But I fed them and began to work on some things around here, when in rolled the storm. I love a good storm, I do. But I really REALLY could use some sunshine. Shortly after the storm was when my friend sent the text for me to check out the rainbow. Below are two pictures:

The picture to the left is the rainbow I saw. Beautiful and bright!

BUT the picture to the right is what my neighbor saw :) The rainbow landed on my house! I love it! I needed the reminder. 

Some days just start off kind of wanky. We gear up thinking that the day is ours! We have done all we need to do make certain it goes accordingly and then, with click of a button, the misspoken word, or that stupid little tiny bottom locker we are quickly brought back to the reality that control is never really ours. God has it all along. Perspective should be kept when things are going well, also. A routine check of motives might not be a bad idea. Still, on the days when the stars line up for things to go wrong, God shows us the rainbow. He is in charge. We are not. In fact, if we look closely, there are probably a lot of "rainbows" day to day that we miss because we are looking for the big ones. Control? Very little. Blessings? Countin' em. Rainbows? Looking for them and grateful that I'm NOT the one in control. Clearly I'd make a mess of things, or try to put em in the wrong locker.

Your (not so) Lucky Charm,

March 27, 2017

The Heaviness of My Heart

All, I've had writers block for a long time. I've had several posts started and some still hang in mid-air on my computer just wai...