Mothers and Daughters

The Extra Penny

Mothers and Daughters

 

Let me apologize in advance for any offense I may cause here. No, I take that back. I’m not apologizing, I do that too much and I’m tired of that. Let me say instead that I hope you’ll see some humor in what I’m about to say and perhaps begin your own letters of apology to your mom, that is, if you are a daughter.

I am a cool person. At least I always thought I was. Not cool with my peers as much as with the kids I teach and work with. That was until my own kids began to realize that I am, well, not. My son still thinks I’m semi-cool. He’ll hang out with me, joke with me, we have a banter that is fun and respectful. My daughter, while I have a great relationship with her, looks at me like she’s sniffing onions. Why is that??

While I was loading up the kids and dogs and other goodies to leave my mom’s the other day, I turned to my mom and said “She doesn’t like me”. Mom replied “What?” I said, “My own daughter, she doesn’t like me.” My mom in her infinite wisdom said, “Honey, she’s eleven, she’s not supposed to like you, but she loves you. That’s more important.” I fought back tears because I know that’s absolutely true. I hugged my precious momma and said “I’m going home to start my apology letters to you right now!” and we laughed.

There is something strange and beautiful about a mother/daughter relationship. No one can love you and build you up and yet no one can hurt your heart like your daughter.  I don’t know why there is such a difference raising girls and boys, at least for me there is. I didn’t try to make it this way and I don’t read books that make it this way, it just is.  And I realize that it’s ok. Because I look back at how wise my mother became and I know that one day I’ll become very wise to my daughter. I know that one day I’ll actually know what I’m talking about. I’ll be funny and silly and it’ll be ok again. For now, when I goof off and sing karaoke into the wooden kitchen spoon or dance in my uncoordinated white woman way, my daughter gives me the eye roll; my son laughs and will sometimes join in.  I know one day she will see what all has been done for her best interest. Right now, she can’t and that’s ok, she is discovering herself and it’s beautiful to see, she needs to do that. It’s funny, I admire her more than she realizes and wish I had been as confident when I was her age. She totally rocks!

My own mom stands about 5’3” and weighs less than a mailbox and is one of the strongest, most beautiful women that ever walked the earth. I tower over her and yet, I strive to be half of what she is. My heart breaks when I think of how much I broke her heart. But my mom had a mom, so I think she knows. And one day, I hope my daughter knows how much I love her and this strange relationship we have has been stronger than the eye roll and onion sniff. Please don’t get me wrong, my daughter has never given me a minute of trouble, she wouldn’t! She is a true joy to all who know her! Seriously!  I just know that there is something about mothers and daughters that make the relationship rocky, strange, hard, but irreplaceable. There is something about “I’ll never be like you!” to “I wish I was more like you!” to “How will I ever make it a minute without you?!” There is something about the bond there. We want them to be better, more, stronger… maybe that’s it.

To my mother, my hero,  I want to be you when I grow up. To my daughter, like it or not, you will be like me when you grow up. To God, thank you for both of them… from the bottom of my heart, my kids, my family… they sustain me.

I will definitely write on the mother/son bond because it is definitely amazing and a different story entirely.

Blessings to all, and to my kids… you have my heart entirely.

Becky

July 1, 2012