Mothers and Sons

So I recently wrote about mothers and daughters promising to write about relationships between mothers and sons soon. Here I go! Truthfully, I can only write about my own relationship, as you know, because I am the mother and I have a son.  I was raised in a house full of girls. I had two sisters and after our father passed away, it was just our mom and us three girls. Lots of “girl”. Then, mom remarried and I got…another sister.

When I was expecting my first child, I just knew it was going to be a girl. When Liam arrived I remember thinking “What do I do with a boy?” It wasn’t long before he taught me things, lots of things.  Once when Liam was about four years old, he and his dad were wrestling around on the floor. His dad said, “You’re my little buddy!” and Liam said “You’re MY buddy!” I piped up and asked “Am I your buddy, too, Liam?” to which he sat up, looked at me and said “No”. My heart sank. Then he followed up with, “You’re my sweetie”.  I melted. He already saw me differently.

My kids have a great dad who does amazing things with them. But there is something different about moms and sons, really. Sons will push the envelope with their mothers, knowing exactly where that line is between being goofy and having fun without being disrespectful. Sons, at least mine, will continually measure their height against their mom’s and let everyone know the day they are taller. They will go for a 3-mile run and come in the door drenched with sweat saying things like, “Mom, we really don’t hug enough!” throwing those sweaty arms around us, at least trying to as we try to get away.  They will share things with moms that I’m not so sure they share with anyone else. Sons feel a need to be protective. I haven’t really understood this unless it’s that “manly instinct” in them. After my kids’ father and I divorced, my son seemed to take on this protective role. I have let him know in many ways that his job is to be a kid, I can take care of myself, but there is truly an instinct to make sure his sister and I are ok. I get that, but I do have to remind him that I’m still the mom J.  Challenge this protective, all-knowing , tough-guy instinct in a son and you may be met with a tad of a passive-aggressive attitude, at least for a few minutes because, at least here, things pass rather quickly. We all need each other too much to let anything fester long. Sons can pick on their sisters, but woe be unto anyone else who does! It’s fun to see that bond between them, too.

I have learned that when keeping an open forum for discussion, sons (and daughters) will talk to us about most anything. Recently Liam came home from a mission trip and was bubbling over with excitement as he told me of events from the week. This spilled over into the evening and other events going on in his life, most of which we had talked about already, but you never, ever interrupt a child when they are telling you about things in their life! Still in deep conversation in the kitchen, close to midnight I looked at Liam and said “Son, it’s really late and we all need sleep. I Love you! See you in the morning!”” And he said “Mom, please, this is fun, let’s keep talking”. What’s a mom to do? Well, she is to prop up on the kitchen counter and listen. These days won’t last forever, for I realize there will be others he will choose to talk to someday. For now, I relish the chats, the laughs, the practical jokes (did I mention he once taped all of my white board markers at school closed with clear tape and I didn’t catch it until I was teaching that day? And he “sticky-tacked” everything down to my desk?? Including my coffee cup?!?)  I’ll appreciate his machismo and him learning where he fits into this world. I’ll feel my heart swell with pride as I watch him, without thinking twice, give his testimony about his life in Christ. And I will thank God for this chance to raise a good man. And… I will be ever watchful for the next practical joke which I’m sure is already set up…somewhere.

Becky Wilkenson

July 17, 2012